If your relationship with your life could talk, what would it say?
If your money could talk, what would it say about your relationship to it?
What about your business, your health, your body, your home, your career?
You have a relationship with every area of your life, whether you realize it or not.
My relationship to my money is amazing. I would never talk behind it’s back. I never compare it to other people’s money. I love it unconditionally. I create more from having enough.
What about your relationship with money? What would your money say if it could talk?
What about your life? What do you say when people ask you, “how’s it going?” Do you reply with, “fine” or do you say, “couldn’t be better?”
You get to decide how you want to think about your life. What you decide will create the relationship you have to it.
In this episode, I show you how to bring awareness to your current relationships in every area of your life and then how to create better relationships intentionally.
Here are more of my favorite resources for this episode:
- The Good Relationship Test (blog post)
- Your Relationship With Money (podcast)
- Getting Ready Every Day (podcast)
- How To Predict Your Future (blog post)
- Dream Year: How To Accomplish Your #1 Goal This Year And Feel Good Doing It (book + workbook)
- Personal Development For Her (course)
Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Hello there, my lovely, beautiful friend. I’m really excited to share with you today’s episode. It’s called What Would They Say About You and this month in Grow You we are deep diving into relationships. And I was so excited because one of my editors was giving me feedback after she had gone through the entire workbook for the relationship workbook in Grow You and she said it was her favorite so far, which was so exciting for me to hear because it’s something that I think we kind of gloss over and just think we don’t need that much help with and it can really, really be transformational.
In this episode I’m not going to teach you about relationships with people specifically. I’m going to take it much broader than that. So you can apply this to any area of your life. So a relationship isn’t outside of you. We tend to think that the relationship is this third thing. So there’s you, there’s the other person, and then there’s this relationship that just mysteriously exists. And that’s not true. You have your thoughts and then you have the other person’s thoughts and then you have your thoughts about what the other person is thinking. And you can’t actually know for sure because you can’t jump inside their mind even if they tell you what they’re thinking, that may or may not be true.
So what I want you to start thinking about is how you’re thinking about your relationships and why I’ve phrased this What Would They Say About You? I want to look into every area of your life and I’m going to give you the kind of the main eight life categories that I teach in Personal Development For Her as kind of a baseline. And I want you to think about if each of those areas of your life could talk, what would it say?
So it’s kind of like the relationship you have with your life, with your money, with your health, with your career, with your hobbies, with your home, with your church, with the weather, like with all of it. The relationship you have with it is simply your thoughts about it. And instead of going on default, what I want you to do from this episode after you listen to it, is to think ahead of time what you want that relationship to be like. Are you attentive? Do you give attention to that area of your life? Have you avoided it and ignored it? Are you coming from a place of, you know, needing to be right all the time? Are you mean, are you loving? Right?
So I always say when I’m coaching on something like money, one of the first ways that I like to coach and bring awareness to someone is to say, if your money could talk, what would it say about you? People really love this because it’s so easy to think about it in terms of an analogy to a relationship with a person. So if your spouse could talk, what would your spouse and your spouse can talk, right? But if your spouse could talk from the point of view that you think you’ve delivered and given value to that relationship, what would your spouse say? Would your spouse say that you’re attentive and loving, and you show up? Would your spouse say that you ignore him and that you’re not present and that you’re always comparing him to other people’s spouses? And I kind of want you to do this exercise, not actually asking the spouse what he would say. I want you to do it from the perspective of you being very honest and not judging, but thinking about what your spouse would say. And then I want you to apply it to every area of your life.
So what you say is just a reflection of what you’re thinking. And as you know, if you’ve been a longtime listener, your thoughts are always optional. So as you speak, you are strengthening your thought patterns. So I like to think of it as a highway. You have these neuropathways in your brain and the more you think a certain way, the stronger those neuropathways are becoming. It’s like a highway. You’ve thought in a certain way about your relationship to your money for so long that it’s this highway of thoughts and you just default to thinking that way. And if you want new and different results in your life, you have to create new and different ways of thinking. And it’s kind of like creating this dirt road path the first time. And then you have to think it more intentionally and more frequently. And eventually it becomes this paved path or this paved road. And then it becomes the highway. But it’s only through practicing and repetition. And the first place that you start at is this awareness of the highway that exists and deciding if you want to keep that highway or create a new highway.
So I want you to think about your life in general and how you relate to it. And the best example I have for you is when someone asks you how you’re doing, what is your default response? Now, I don’t want you to be fake and all of a sudden start saying, oh my gosh, my life is amazing and be obnoxious. But I want you to think intentionally about how you want to reply to someone who asks you how you’re doing. Right? Better than just fine. It’s like what we say, oh, I’m doing all right. I’m doing fine. What if every time someone asks you how you’re doing, you said I’m amazing or this is awesome, or I’m having a great day, or I couldn’t be better.
Think about how you want to reply to common questions that you get. Because here’s the thing, there’s not like one truth about how it is. You get to decide how you want to think about your day, right? This is a great day. I’m having a great day, right? I have an example for you. I got up at 8:00 AM today, 8:00 AM. Y’all, I used to get up at 4:00 AM. I would have like four hours of work done or two or three by 8:00 AM right. And I could have decided to beat myself up about, you know, turning off my alarm that went off at six and you know, thinking that that wasn’t supposed to happen or how did I let that happen or whatever else. And you know what I decided to think instead, I decided to think, that’s amazing. I got 10 hours of sleep. I am going to crank out content today and this day is just going to be on fire and tomorrow I’m going to make sure I set three alarms because I don’t want to do that again. So it’s not like I am justifying, you know what I did and that I want to do it again tomorrow. I’m leaning in and making sure I choose to think about it, you know, in the way that serves me for how I want to show up in my day.
So that’s kind of your life overall. Then I want you to think about your health, your mental health, your emotional health, your physical health. Do you invest in yourself? Do you go to conferences? Do you go to the gym? Are you in a coaching program? Are you growing? If your health could talk, what would it say about you? Would it say that you are investing in your health? Would it say that you show up and you speak highly about your own body?
I talked about this before, how I’ve never used to like my legs and it’s so fun for me to see how much I love my legs now and my legs are just the same. Okay. But it’s so fun because I treat them better. I work out more. I think about them in a way that is loving. And this is all just optional. So how do you think about your body? What would your body say about how you treat it? If it could talk, what would your mental health say about how you treat it if it could talk. Are you spending, you know, money in a way that provides a return on your investment and a return doesn’t have to be money. Right? I think of my, you know, couple hundred dollars I spend every month at the gym as very intentional in a way that I get something back in return. I get that investment back because I go to five workout classes a week. I love the gym. I love that investment.
If my health could talk, it would say that I’m thoughtful about what I eat. It would say I’m thoughtful about exercising. It would say I’m really thoughtful about how I invest in my mental and emotional health. Not only am I coaching, but I am a member of other coaching programs to the tune of $50 a month to the tune of thousands of dollars for a one to one coach. So I know that my health, if it could talk, it would say really positive things about my relationship to it. I don’t talk badly behind its back. I’m not putting myself down or I don’t put my body down. Right. So think about your health and if it could talk, what would it say about how you treat it?
What about your relationships with other humans? Now, this can get a little tricky because other people can talk. They might tell you what your relationship is like with them. And what I want you to do here is I don’t want you to think about what they’re actually saying to you. I want you to think about if they could talk and being honest with you and how you’re showing up. So if you think that your spouse was being really, really honest with you, based on how you think about your spouse, what would your spouse say? Would your spouse say that you are attentive and that you’re compassionate and that you’re forgiving and that you always give him the benefit of the doubt and that you lean in and you communicate and that you work through problems and mistakes and that you do the work? Or would your spouse say that you complain about him and that you talk behind his back and that you’re always nagging him and comparing him to other people’s spouses? And this doesn’t just go for your spouse. What about your, you know, kids. And be careful with kids on this one, right? Cause they, again, don’t do what they’re actually saying to you, but it’s a, it’s a way for you to think about how you’re showing up, right? If they have the emotional maturity right? It’s a way for you to say, how am I really treating them? Am I showing up intentionally? What about your friends? What about your acquaintances? What about your coworkers? Think about again your like work life and your home life and how are you showing up? What would they say about you?
I love to do this with a career or business. So if your job could talk or if the company you work for could talk, what would it say about how you treat it? Are you saying that this is the best opportunity for me to grow right now even though it’s not necessarily my dream job? It is such an opportunity for me to be present, for me to learn, for me to show up as my best self? Or are you saying I hate my boss. This is so hard, I just don’t want to be here. I can’t wait until five o’clock every day. These people are terrible and it could the exact same circumstances, but you get to decide how you want to think about those circumstances. Is this an opportunity for you to grow and strengthen your listening skills and strengthen your mental toughness? Or, is it you know, a way for you to complain about your life.
And just remember that every day you stay in a job, you are actively choosing to stay in a job. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Even if you say, well Natalie, I have bills to pay and this is where I need to be right now. That’s still a choice and that’s an amazing reason to stay in a job. You can reframe it and say, I’m staying in this job and I don’t really want to love it and it’s not going to be my dream job, but it’s providing me with financial resources that I want to have so I can pay my mortgage off or pay off my student loan debt or whatever the case may be while I build my side hustle or whatever. The key is for you to decide intentionally what your relationship is going to be like. And most of us go around thinking that our circumstances are causing our thoughts and our feelings and our actions and our results, but really it’s not our circumstances causing any of that. It is our thinking about it.
I see this a lot in the next category which is business. So y’all know my zone of genius is business and that means that people are constantly talking to me about business. Now, whenever I have my coaching hat on and my teaching hat on, I provide the best advice and coaching and I’m so obsessed with helping my clients and students get results. But I also have people who are my friends and my peers who will come to me for advice. Just they’ll text me or they’ll call me and I put my coaching hat on and I try to coach them while also sharing with them what I would do cause that’s typically how they frame it, right? They’ll say, what would you do in this situation?
And I actually had this happen today. One of them I friends and peers and colleagues texted me this morning and she said, what would you do in this situation? Someone double subscribed to my old program and to my new program and she’s been double subscribed for three months. She said, should I give her a full refund for those months? And then she went on to say in her defense, I don’t explicitly say to stop subscribing to the old program. Then she said, in my defense, she should have realized this before. I could give her most of the refund, what I lose from the company I use, or could give her a complete refund or I could give her no refund. And then she said, I do really like this woman. And she went far as to say that she has a testimonial from this woman. Here’s what I said back to her. I said, I’m always attached to my customer. I love my customer, like my customer is my spouse. I’m never attached to the money. I would offer a refund without question.
Now, you might be wondering why I just read that to you given the topic of what would they say about you? The reason that this is such a good example for me to share with you is that this sort of situation or problem will come up for you in ways that is sneaky. So when you’re listening to me in this episode, you’re thinking, okay, yeah, I’m going to intentionally decide how I want to think about my day and how I want to think about my spouse and how I want to think about my job and my business. But then you will have a circumstance that presents itself and you will not immediately think that you can decide who you want to be. What you will do instead is look for the action that you should or shouldn’t take.
And that’s kind of what my friend was doing here. She wanted me to tell her what action to take and I told her what I would do. But the reason that I said what I said and the reason that I would take that action is because of the relationship that I am choosing to have with my customers and my clients. If my customers and my clients could talk, what would they say about me? And what would they say about the relationship that I have with them? They would say that I love them, that I am obsessed with them, that I care so much about them, that I want to solve their problems, that I go all in with them, that I believe in them when they don’t even believe in themselves, that I am a leading them. That I give them the benefit of the doubt, that I have such an amazing belief in helping them and getting them results in their capacity to grow. Right? That’s why my business is growing.
So of course there are going to be situations where you want to refund in situations where you don’t, and that’s not what it’s about. And that’s why I shared this example with you because every problem that comes up is an opportunity for you to decide who you want to be. So the next time a problem comes up in your business or at your job, you get to say, who do I want to be? What is my relationship like? And remember your relationships is just your thoughts about it. So notice that my friend, in her words, she used the word defense in both. She said in her defense. And then in my defense, and I just think that’s so interesting, right?
It shows you where my friend’s mindset is with respect to making decisions. It’s in a place of almost like scarcity where we each have to defend. And I want to say, what if we just dropped all of that and what if instead of leading by this righteousness and need to defend and be right, what if we led with love? And sometimes it’s yes, of course, here’s your money. And other times it’s no, this isn’t how I run my business and I love you and no, right? But when you lead with love, when you decide ahead of time what your relationship is going to be like with your customers or your clients or your business or your life or your boss, all of the actions will flow through naturally because your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings create your actions.
You can tell by the way that this was worded what she’s thinking. I would think about that totally differently. And like I said, sometimes the answer is yes to refund and sometimes it’s not. It’s not about that. It’s deciding ahead of time how you want your relationship to be. And this doesn’t just apply to business and your job, right? What about your bank account or your money in general or your investments? If they could talk, what would they say? What would your money say? Do you log in and check on your money and talk highly about your money and treat your money well? Are you loving your money as it is just because it’s money or are you quick to get rid of it or are you quick to compare it? Are you quick to, you know, talk badly about it? Do you say that it’s not enough? Okay. What about, you know something else, not just your money.
What about your home? Do you love your home? I recently moved and I am obsessed with my apartment, but I loved my previous apartment too and I’m sure I’ll love the next place. Now, a lot of people could say, oh my gosh, this home is under a thousand square feet and that’s not enough and I would never look at it that way. I love my apartment is beautiful. I live downtown Chicago. I love the having of it and from there I can want more if I want to. I can be excited about having enough, having more than enough, loving what is and deciding to have the most amazing relationship with my home right now and being excited for the future home that I have. What is your relationship like with your home? Is it enough? Is it not enough? You get to decide based on your thoughts because someone else will come in my apartment and say, oh my gosh, this is so beautiful. How do you even afford this? Like and the apartment just is, it’s neutral circumstance. Someone’s opinion about it is just based on their thinking.
The same is true for the city that you live in. Y’all, I am obsessed with Chicago. I swear to you. I am like so infatuated with it. I love it so much that when I leave, I literally get so excited to come back. I like miss it like you’d miss a spouse. I’m so in love with this city because I decided to be in love with it. It’s just my thoughts about it. I remember when I decided to move to Chicago instead of Dallas and my mentor said, Chicago, why Chicago? And then someone else said to me, oh my gosh, the crime there or the rats there. Yes. Someone told me about the rats here, like it was just so funny, right? It’s just their thoughts about Chicago.
What are your thoughts about the city that you live in? There’s always going to be positive and negative. There’s always going to be contrast. What I want you to do is decide ahead of time how you want to think about your city. The same is true for the weather. What do you want to think about the weather when it’s a hundred degrees or when it’s negative 20 degrees, right? It doesn’t mean that you have to think this is the best weather ever because I only want you to think thoughts that you believe to be true, but you could say, this is not my favorite time of year and that’s okay, I love seasons And that’s more abundant than thinking, oh, I don’t know why I live here. This is awful. This is terrible. Decide ahead of time what you want to think.
The same is true for different seasons of life with respect to your children. How often do you hear people talk about, you know, teenagers and it being the worst time? What if you just decided that having teenagers wasn’t so bad? What have you decided that ahead of time that that was going to be your new challenge and that you were going to love your kids anyway through being teenagers? The same is true when you have babies, little, little babies. It’s like those first six months or the first two years, right? It’s hard. What if you decided that that was going to be your assignment and that it’s hard and you can do hard things and that you’re going to decide ahead of time that if that season of life could talk, it would say that you were all in and that you gave your all and that you made mistakes and that you had fun.
It’s about deciding ahead of time what your relationship with each area of your life is going to be like. It’s like in time scarcity. I talked about this. What is your relationship with time? If time could talk, how would it say that you treat your time? Do you waste it or do you use it thoughtfully? I’ll tell you what. This work is not easy but it’s worth it. I had this actually happened last night. I was doing some creation and I had the chance to sit down and either turn on an episode of whatever on Netflix or I had the opportunity to just spend some time thinking about what I’m working on in my business. And I looked at my calendar and I was really thoughtful about how I wanted to use that time and I decided that I was going to use it to use some thinking time and be thoughtful about it instead of doing the TV. And it’s so funny because today I set myself up better for this week because of that.
So are you using your time intentionally and thoughtfully? Now don’t interpret that to mean that always working is better. That’s not true. You need downtime and rest time and thinking time. The key is to be thoughtful about it. So if your time could talk, what would it say? How do you relate to your church or your community or you know, the activities that you participate in? Would your church say that you show up and that you’re present and that you are all in? Or would it say that you complain about it? And talk behind its back and just do it out of obligation.
So I want you to think about your thinking with respect to every area of your life and those areas. The eight life categories, right? It’s your health, relationships, money, career and business, your hobbies and activities, your home life. That’s kind of like your environment, your space, right? It could be your office space as well, your contribution and service to the world. Are you having fun intentionally from a place of maturity or are you escaping your life and calling that fun through overeating and overdrinking and like kind of that over pleasuring?What is it in your life that you decide is going to be fun? And just overall, what would your life say about you? Are you doing the hard things? Are you growing? Are you creating your future intentionally? Are you loving yourself and having compassion or are you in self pity, feeling sorry for yourself? Are you worrying? Are you angry and frustrated and acting from fear?
It’s okay to bring awareness to what’s going on without beating yourself up. So I don’t want you to discover that you’re in self pity and feeling sorry for yourself and if you know your boss could talk or your clients could talk or your business could talk or whatever could talk, they would say that you’re inattentive and you have this bad relationship. That’s okay. It’s totally fine. It’s so amazing that you have this awareness now because most people just are on default thinking that their circumstances create the results. So be proud of yourself for even thinking about this intentionally because that awareness is the only way that you make change. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Just be very curious and nonjudgmental and think about it positively, right? It’s like, oh my gosh, I’m so glad that now I can see I’ve been in self pity. I can’t wait to dive deeper into this work. You don’t have to beat yourself up about it. It doesn’t like get you the results you want by beating yourself up. Notice of your thinking that there’s never enough and there’s lack.
So the reason that I wanted to do this episode and talk about all areas and kind of call it, what would they say is because that how you relate to one thing is often how you relate to another thing. And this is because your relationship is just your thoughts. So I love to use the comparison when I coach on money and Money Mindset For Her, it’s like your relationship with money will often reflect your relationship with another person. Why? Because it’s not the money causing you to feel a certain way and think a certain way. It’s actually just your thoughts about the money and your thoughts is like that highway that you’ve practiced and gotten really good at. And that highway is likely to be the same type of highway that shows up in a different area of your life.
So your relationship with money will often reflect and mirror a relationship with another person that you have in your life. So if you think your money’s not enough, it’s very likely that you’re thinking that a person in your life is not enough. You’re talking behind its back and you’re comparing it. This isn’t because of the actual people in your life or the actual dollars in your bank. It’s because of your thoughts. You’ve just practiced thinking about money and this person and your clients and the city you live in and the weather in a certain way and it’s totally optional.
So what I want you to do is I want you to decide ahead of time how you want to think about each area of your life. How do you want to think about your body? How do you want to think about your mental health? How do you want to think about your future? How do you want to think about your money and your home and the work that you produce? How do you want to think about your clients and your customers and you know your job? How do you want to think about your city and your life? It is totally 100% up to you. It is not dependent on your circumstances and it can be that you start doing this work with as simple as deciding ahead of time what you want your canned response to be when someone asks you, how’s it going? Right. I’m amazing. This has been a hard day, but I’m so glad that I’m going through this so I can really learn the lesson. Couldn’t be better. What do you want to say when someone asks you how things are going? Decide on purpose, it matters. You matter.
And when you do this work in one area, you can start to do it in other areas and you will watch your world explode. You can create an amazing relationship with every area of your life, people included. That’s what we’re doing in Grow You this month. That’s the focus is on the relationship with people. So it’s a little bit different. We deep dive into that, but just know that you can do this for every area. And if you create a relationship intentionally, you will be an integrity with yourself. Because when you talk badly about your job or your clients or your money, and then you have to face your job, your clients or your money, there will be a layer of shame because you are hiding what you’ve been thinking. Instead, when you decide on purpose what you want that relationship to be like and you honor that and you show up in full integrity, you remove the shame and that is where your world explodes because you’re in integrity with yourself and you will create more of that in the future. Okay? You will show up every day and you’ll go all in and you will make yourself proud and I want you to do that for yourself.
I’m so excited for you to do this work. Let me know how it is working for you and decide on purpose that the rest of today and tomorrow is going to be exactly what you need and that you couldn’t be better. All right, I’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to the Design Your Dream Life podcast. Subscribe to the podcast to get the latest episodes sent directly to you. To learn more about designing your dream life visit NatalieBacon.com.