We all want more, but the problem is it’s typically wanting from lack.
We hate the way our body looks, so we want to change it.
In this blog post I’m going to show you how to do the opposite: how to love and want more, from a place of having enough.
First, I want to discuss why wanting matters at all (because it matters a lot!)…
If you want to listen instead of read, here’s the podcast episode that goes along with this post —Wanting From Abundance.
Wanting From Lack vs Abundance
Why Wanting Matters
Think about all of the progress and inventions that have happened…
- Air Conditioning
- The internet
- Cell phones
- Social media
All the creations and inventions that exist started because somebody wanted these things first.
The very first thing that happened was a desire to create something new. To make something better. A thought about wanting something.
After wanting something new, it was created. Not the other way around.
So, know for sure that WANTING IS A GOOD THING.
Think about your life. What do you want?
You must start here, with your deepest desires. They’re in your heart and they’re guiding you.
The problem we run into is most of us want incorrectly. We want from lack. We want because we don’t have enough.
- Creating vs. Having vs. Giving (podcast)
- Scarcity Vs. Abundance (blog post)
- Scarcity Vs. Abundance (YouTube video)
- How To Live An Intentional Life (free training)
How We Typically Want Something (From Lack)
The truth is, most of us want things because we think what we have is lacking in some way.
Wanting from lack sounds like, “I want to lose weight, because I think I’m fat and I don’t like my body.” Or “I want money because I don’t have enough to live the way that I want.”
Wanting from lack sounds like this:
- Getting married because being single means your life is incomplete.
- Having kids because life without kids has no purpose.
- Getting a new car because the current one isn’t good enough.
- Moving to a bigger home because the current home isn’t nice enough.
In all these examples the wanting comes from disliking what is. You want because you think what you currently have is not enough. Wanting from a place of lack feels terrible. You feel like something is missing from your life. You feel like you‘re not enough. It can come in the form of insecurity, shame, or guilt.
Lack is never a good reason to want something.
When you want from lack, you’re usually comparing yourself and what you have to someone else. It leaves you feeling lonely, abandoned, or just plain not good enough.
When We Want From Lack We’re Stuck In The Comparison Trap
You may feel like the relationship you have with the stuff you own, or your personal life, isn’t good enough when you put it next to someone else’s.
You feel like you need to change your life so that you can be better just like that other person.
For example, you may look at someone else’s body and think that since we don’t look the way that they do, your body is not good enough. Or you may see someone else’s marriage and think it’s the marriage you dreamed of because your relationship just isn’t strong enough.
This can also apply to your business. You may feel like yours isn’t making enough money and you need to have someone else’s to be better.
These things all create horrible feelings because it’s coming form a place of “not enough-ness.”
We get the idea of lack when we compare. If we aren’t comparing ourselves to others, we may not even realize it in the first place.
We decide that we want more, from a place of thinking that we don’t have enough in the first place. This feeling of lack creates a rush to change. This change feels really urgent and it feels like you need to get where you’re going as soon as possible.
We’re aways in a hurry and this is a huge problem.
The reason is because how you feel when you’re on the way to get where you’re going, is the same exact way you’re going to feel when you finally get there.
All the thoughts you have are what cause your feelings.
When you achieve something, you only feel different if you have different thoughts. The achievement isn’t what changes your feelings.
You’re always going to find the next reason to want more. There’s never going to be contentment.
The emotions you feel on the way to achieving the goals you have is going to be the best long term indicator of the success you’ll have.
If you’re enjoying your life and loving yourself while you’re seeing and achieving your goals, you’re going to have more achievements in your life, while enjoying the ride it takes to get there.
If you create those goals from a place of lack, you’re going to create more lack.
Remember that what you focus on will expand; what you think about, you attract.
If, when you lose weight, you focus on what you don’t like, when you lose that weight, you’re just going to find something new you don’t like about your body.
This applies to everything in your life. Comparing your life to someone else’s life always leads to more negative emotion and attracting more lack.
- Self Love And Romantic Love (podcast)
- 11 Ways To Practice Self Love (blog post)
- How To Pull Yourself Out Of Negativity (YouTube video)
- Thursday Story Time (weekly email)
The Answer: Practice Wanting From Love And Appreciation
The solution to this problem of wanting from lack, is instead, to want from a place of love and appreciation.
This might not seem to make sense or that it’s counterintuitive. We are not taught to do this.
It’s actually a life changer.
When you feel love, gratitude, or appreciation for the things that are already in your life, and create more from that place, then you’re going to feel great on the journey to get more.
You can feel contentment from what you have already, and then you can grow from there. From a place of having enough. We learn about this all the time in Grow You (my coaching program).
Here are examples of wanting from abundance…
- I love my body and I want to get it into shape.
- I love my home now and I’m so excited to upgrade it.
- I love my life the way it is and I can’t wait to add a partner to it.
- I love my money and I want to create more of it.
This is a skill you can get really good at. Wanting what you already have. Loving what you already have. And from there, wanting more.
If you’re waiting to be the right person, or have the right person in your life, or to have enough money, or anything else like that, then you’re never going to be content. Instead, be content first. That is the secret.
And while all of this sounds great in theory, I want to give you a few things you can do right now in a practical way to make this change…
- Body Love (podcast)
- How To Love Your Body (blog post)
- Having Your Own Back (podcast)
- Do You Have Your Own Back? (blog post)
Make A List Of Things You Want That You Already Have
One great tool I suggest using is to make a list of all the things that you want, but you already have.
Here’s a list of things I want that I already have:
- I want to be in a relationship with Steve.
- I want a dog.
- I want an apartment downtown Chicago.
- I want my own business.
- I want to coach thousands of women.
For you it could be something like:
- I want to have kids.
- I want to work from home.
- I want to have a house.
- Or anything else that you already have right in from of you.
There’s something active about articulating what you want that you already have. It’s so powerful!
When I say something like, “I want to be in a relationship with Steve” it’s so much more active then just saying that Steve is my partner. It gives motion to what I have in my life. This applies to everything. For exmple, my business. When I say, “I want to have a successful podcast and a coaching program,” I feel very empowered.
Making a practice of wanting from the things that you already have can help you to shift from wanting from lack of things you have to wanting from abundance.
Make a list of the things you have already and you’re going to start to realize that you fall into a place of appreciation. You’re grateful for the things you already have and from there, you can also want the things that aren’t on that list yet.
You’re going to feel so much better than you did when you were wanting things because of what you didn’t have yet. You don’t have to feel terrible. In fact, you can feel love and gratitude.
When you want from lack, you think that you’re not enough. This is always going to feel bad.
When you’re in the mindset of wanting from lack, when you do finally achieve what you want, you still won’t feel like you’re good enough. What you will end up doing is finding the next thing that isn’t right or enough for you and it will be a continuous cycle until you start to want from abundance.
For example, when you want to get in shape because you hate your body, when you finally get into shape, you’re just going to hate a new thing about your body, instead of being grateful for being in shape like you had wanted to be. It’s always going to be something.
Where you start is where you end. It’s a thought pattern.
When you get into the habit of wanting from a place of having enough, it feels good to want, and you don’t feel rushed to get more.
The whole entire point of wanting is to expand your life.
- Self Doubt (podcast)
- Overcoming Self Doubt (blog post)
- Overcoming Self Doubt (YouTube video)
- Grow You (coaching)
Why Wanting More From Abundance Is So Magical
Wanting things is amazing. You just have to want them for the right reasons and because you’re grateful.
What you’re going to find when you want new things from abundance and gratitude is that wanting is actually just for fun.
There are so many good reasons to want more:
- To expand your life experiences.
- To get outside your comfort zone.
- To give back.
- To do it for fun.
You’re already completely worthy of everything. You’re not going to become more worthy because of the things you have or the relationships you’re in. And you’re not going to become more worthy just because you do more of give more back.
I truly believe this. All humans are 100% worthy.
Always keep this thought in your mind. You’re already completely worthy.
From this place of worthiness and wholeness, you get to decide what comes next in your life. There’s no longer the need to reach goals or be like another person because you aren’t good enough. You’re already good enough so you get to decide what you want next.
You can feel content and want more just because you want it. There doesn’t have to be any other reason. And you don’t have to feel bad for not having that thing yet.
If you don’t understand this concept of wanting from abundance instead of lack, you’re going to find yourself wanting from lack just to try to prove yourself as worthy. You’re also going to feel terrible and there’s just no reason to do this.
As you learn to want from a place of abundance, you’ll settle into a life of contentment and enjoy wanting just for the fun of it. And you can even teach others to do the same!
This is a much more enjoyable and interesting way to live!
- How To Live An Intentional Life (YouTube video)
- Visualizing Your Future Self (podcast)
- How To Live An Intentional Life (free training)
- Grow You (coaching)
A Final Note!
Take inventory of the things you want.
Do you find that you’re wanting from the lack of things you have, feeling like you’re not enough, and comparison?
Or are you wanting the things you already have and wanting new things because you’re grateful for what you’ve got and you want to have more?
If you’re finding that you’re wanting from lack, take the time to make the list of things you want that you already have, then make a pracitice of wanting new things because you’re grateful for that first list.
Your life will be so much more enjoyable wanting from abundance. This is where contentment and growth intertwine beautifully.
Up Next, watch the YouTube video…