When we compare ourselves to someone else, we notice what’s missing.
We notice what they have that we don’t have.
Then we start wanting what they have, thinking subconsciously that what they have is better, and what we have isn’t enough.
The worst part about this is that we typically do it without even noticing.
In this episode, I teach you how to stop wanting from what’s missing and start wanting from appreciating what’s already there.
This is the secret to feeling content and growing at the same time.
Here are more of my favorite resources to go along with this podcast:
- Wanting From Lack Vs. Wanting From Abundance (blog post)
- Scarcity Vs. Abundance (podcast)
- 13 Mindset Hacks That Helped Me Shift From Scarcity To Abundance (blog post)
- Mindset Hacks (podcast)
- How To Live An Intentional Life (free training)
- Grow You (coaching)
Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Hey friend, how’s it going your way? I have to say it is summer time in Chicago right now and there is nothing better. Even though it’s different this summer, it’s still awesome. The sun is out and having a dog for the first time in the summer has been really fun. There is nothing Penny likes more than getting outside.
If you’re from the Midwest, you know what I’m talking about. When the spring and summer hit this time of year and you have been kind of inside with, you know, snow and really cold temperatures, there’s just nothing better than this time of year. I really, really enjoy it. Even with Coronavirus and stay in shelter and it being so different. I still find that just getting outside and taking Penny on walks and going to the park has been so nice and relaxing and really enjoyable for me. So I hope that you are finding joy and satisfaction in all of those little things that are available to you right now.
Let’s talk about what’s going on in my life. You know I was thinking about Grow You. I launched it, created it last year about this time. It’s my baby, my first born program. It is something that I truly believe in and love and love the members in there so much. If you’re not in there, I don’t know what you’re doing. You must sign up.
It’s a complete life coaching program and every single month you get a new course and you get a new workbook and you have access to 24-7 written coaching and then you have live coaching calls. I just got this email over the weekend about how valuable the coaching call replays are and how students are rewatching them and rewatching them and it was just a reminder to me to let you guys know that if you’re not in there, it’s definitely worth checking out.
If you love personal development and intentional living, I also want you to look at how you spend your money. There is nothing I love more than spending my money on personal development because that to me is an investment in my brain, and I think that investing in your brain and your mindset is the best way to spend your money, right?
Even better than saving your money because the way that you create more money is first from your mind. So if you invest in your mind and you learn how to create more money, you can lose your money or make a bad investment and then you can create more of it. It’s why I always say I would rather create an earn a million dollars than win it because if you win it, you just win it once. If you create it right, you can create it again.
That’s something that I heard my coach first say and I completely agree with it, right? Brooke Castillo, she’s one of my coaches and I think that I would so much rather learn how to create the money. It’s like now I know how to create an amazing program of content and teaching and coaching, so there’s hundreds of women in there. It’s so fun. Please join us.
And I also want to tell you a little bit about my baby number two that will be upcoming in the next few months. It is going to be a very high end advanced business program, online business specifically for the corporate woman, corporate mom who wants to stay home with her family. If you fit into that category or if you are someone who listens to this podcast and you want to learn more about making money from home and staying home.
I know so many people are now thinking about that because they got to do that during stay in shelter and they don’t want to go back to work. So this is kind of like a new opportunity for you to reinvent your future. You know your future work and do it from home by creating an online business.
So if you want to learn more about that and get on the interest list, our waitlist, you can just go to NatalieBacon.com and click on Work With Me under the Work With Me page you will see the interest list there and get more details. I am so excited. I have had so many business programs that I’ve created in the past and I still have Online Business For Her, which is an amazing course. This will be about 10 times the price and it will be very, very advanced in terms of coaching, in terms of community, right?
In terms of all of the things that I know so many people want. I think that my experience building a business over the last few years has not only helped me see how to create better programs, but it’s taught me so much about creating something that you guys really want so I know you love Grow You so, so much and I want to create, you know that big baby number two and have those be my two babies, the life coaching program and then the online business program. It’s going to be really, really fantastic. You can get more information, NatalieBacon.com Work With Me. All right.
What are we talking about today? We are talking about wanting from abundance. We are talking about wanting more. You guys want more, right? I know this about you. I know that you want more or else you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast, but there’s a subtlety that I want to teach you about today that is so significant.
I think it can really change your life almost immediately. Let’s first take a step back and think about all of the creations or inventions that have happened. So think about the invention of cars, of air conditioning, of the internet, of, you know, my iMac that I am currently on. All of those creations first started with a thought. So someone thought a thought about creating something new and then they created it.
Now of course there were a lot of iterations and there were a lot of fails along the way, but the idea came first, right? It wasn’t like the car came first and then someone wanted it, someone decided, Hm, maybe we can create cars and then they created a car. So wanting is a good thing. I want to start there. I think that sometimes wanting gets a bad rap, especially in the self care, minimalism, personal development space.
And the reason it gets a bad rap is because typically people want from lack and that feels terrible. And I do not want you to do this. So that’s what I want to teach you is how to want from abundance instead of wanting from lack. So wanting from lack sounds like I want to lose weight because I don’t like the way I look. I hate my body. I want to make more money because I don’t have enough money. I want to get married because you know, if I’m single, it means my life is incomplete or I want to have kids because without kids my life is meaningless. Or it can be something as small as getting a new car, right? I want to get a new car because my current car is, you know, a POS. I want to move to a bigger home because my current home isn’t nice. It’s not nice enough.
So it’s wanting something new and different and better because you don’t think what you currently have is enough. Right? It’s not good enough. And when you want from lack, it feels terrible. It feels like something is missing. It feels like you’re not enough. It feels sometimes like insecurity or shame or guilt. Right? It feels like something is wrong.
When we want from lack, typically we are comparing what we have to someone else. So think about when you look at someone else’s body, right? Are you thinking then, Oh well her body is better and mine isn’t enough so I want more or someone else’s marriage and thinking that they have the perfect marriage. And so that’s what I want. My relationship isn’t as strong as theirs. Usually we get the idea of lack when we compare because if we’re not comparing, we might not even realize that ours isn’t good enough, right?
It’s like, Oh, I really like my office. And then you see someone else’s office and you’re like, Oh, mine’s actually not that great. Now I want a bigger, better office and to be better because mine just isn’t as good as I once thought. Right? So we do this all the time and we compare ourselves and then we want more from a place of thinking that ours isn’t good enough. Right.
And then we get in this rush to change it. We get in a rush to achieve our goals and it feels really urgent, almost like a neediness or a desperation. We’re always in a hurry. That’s, that’s a big hint to me when I’m coaching Grow You members who are in a really big hurry to achieve their goals, it’s usually from a place of lack. And it is a problem because I truly believe that how you feel on the way to where you’re going is how you’re going to feel when you get there.
Right? So your thoughts are always causing your feelings. So when you achieve something, you only feel different if you have different thoughts. The achievement doesn’t actually change your thinking. I hear about this from a lot of weight loss students. They will want to lose 10 pounds and then they will lose the 10 pounds. And then they will say, okay, well actually I want to lose five more pounds. And then they lose the five more pounds then they say, well actually now my skin’s a little bit saggier and I really need to tone up. Right?
And so there’s always wanting more from this place of my body’s not good enough. And when you want from that place of lack, you create more lack. This all goes back to your thoughts creating your reality because what you focus on expands. So if you think your body’s not good enough, you can go about changing it all sorts of ways, whether it’s losing weight, whether it’s you know, getting toned, all the things.
And you might really change it, but you will likely feel terrible because you haven’t addressed your thoughts about your body. So you will just find new ways to not like your body. And this applies to your money. It applies to your relationships, it applies to everything in your life, your home, all the things. So think about what it is that you have now and think about what it is that you want more of.
Are you wanting from a place of lack? So the answer to this, the solution to this is to want from a feeling of love and appreciation of what you already have. This is definitely not something we are taught to do, but it is a life changer. When you feel love and gratitude and appreciation for what you already have and you create more from a place of having enough, you feel good along the way.
So there’s contentment and growth. So it’s I love my body and I want to get in shape. I love my home and I’m excited to upgrade. I think about this, right? I love my apartment, I love, love, love it and I’m excited for the time when I have a home with a yard, I love my life and I want to add a partner to it. I see this a lot with people who want to meet someone or get married. There’s this sense that they are incomplete and their life is incomplete and that by adding a partner to it, somehow their life is complete and they’re more worthy and the opposite is true. You have to love your life first and then want to add a partner to it. Same thing with money. I love my money, I appreciate my money and I want to create more.
I also see this with money a lot. It’s rushing to get more money to create more money because the money that you have you think is not enough, and this is just a mindset. It has nothing to do with the actual money in your bank. So if you start to think about your relationship with money and you think, you know what, instead of thinking that my money isn’t good enough, I’m going to practice liking the money that I have.
You can change how you feel about your money, appreciate the money that you have and want to create more. It’s a practice of being content with what you have and truly appreciating it and then wanting to grow from there. It is so important that you get this concept. I was coaching someone in Grow You and she said, well, when? When is it enough? When are you just content?
And the answer is never, but the answer is never because you’re content first, right? If you feel content and you grow from there, you are growing from having enough. You’re growing for fun. You’re growing to push yourself because it’s giving you greater experiences. In your life, right? You’re not growing in order to find contentment, you find contentment within yourself and then grow and the growing never stops.
It’s kind of like saying, well, when can I quit the gym? When is the physical strength done and complete? New members and grow. You sometimes ask this and I say, never, right? You never quit the gym. You always have to exercise. Same thing is true for your mind, but you don’t want to feel like crap along the way. What I teach is the 50 50 so there is the good clean pain, right? That we don’t want to try to avoid.
If you know you go through a divorce or there’s a diagnosis, you want to feel heartbroken, you want to feel devastated, but that’s very different than suffering, so if you can learn that skill, you can truly settle into being at peace in your life and wanting more.
If this sounds hard, it is just like learning a new skill, right? You’re just not used to doing it yet and that’s okay. You can start simple. You can start in one area of your life and then you can turn it into a habit. So one life coaching tool I suggest doing is to make a list of things that you want that you already have. So my lists would sound something like, I want to be in a relationship with Steve. I want a dog. I want an apartment downtown Chicago. I want to own my own business.
I want to coach thousands of women, right? There’s something active about articulating what you want that you already have, right? It’s so powerful. When I say I want to own my own business, it’s so much more active, right? It puts me into motion. I feel very empowered.
So look at your life and make a list of things that you want, that you already have, and notice how you fall into a place of appreciation. This might be true too, if you still have things in your life that you are unable to do, due to stay in shelter, right? So maybe you can’t go to exercise classes instead of focusing on what you want that you can’t have. I want you to focus on things that you want, that you already have. So it’s, I want to be able to exercise at home. I want to be able to go outside.
I want to have a family. I want to live in this home. And you just go on this rampage, right? And you make a list of all the things that you want that you already have. I’m telling you this is so powerful. It feels really good. And from a place of wanting what you already have, then you can want what you don’t yet have from a place of love or appreciation.
Like the example I gave about the home, right? I love my home right now. I truly love it and I want to create a home in the future with a yard that’s a single family home, right? That’s not in a high rise, but I’m not saying, Oh, I hate where I live. Now I’m over it. You know, I’m not wanting that home from a place of lack. Okay? I do want to tone my body and hire a personal trainer to do that, to help me.
So I want to practice thinking I love my body. I’m so glad that I have a body, I’ve taken care of it, I continue to feed it healthy foods and I’m excited to work with a personal trainer to get in shape. Instead of I hate my legs and my body’s not good enough, so I need a trainer to fix it.
When you want from lack, there’s this sense that you’re not enough and what you have isn’t enough and it feels really bad and even though you think that the achieving of the thing that you want will create enoughness, it never does. You always want more from that place of not enough. Meaning, if I wanted to get in shape from a place of hating my body, I would come up with another reason to hate my body. Once I lost a few pounds or got toned, right, it would be something else.
Because where you start from is where you end. It’s a thought pattern. When you get in the habit of wanting from a place of having enough, it feels really good to want and there isn’t a rush. Right? The whole point of wanting is to expand your life, to grow, to get outside your comfort zone, to give back, right? I love to think about growing my business as a way of giving back, right?
I’m helping so many women and Grow You and I can’t wait to do that more with business, right? It’s not from a place of needing to prove myself or my worth. You are already worthy and doing more does not change that. Truly, truly, I believe this. I think it’s such a useful thought and idea to know that all humans are 100% worthy. So from that place of worthiness and wholeness, you get to decide what you want to do with your life.
You get to feel content and to want more just because you want it. Just because having money is fun, right? And living in a single family home is fun and you want to change and grow and see what’s possible for your life and help others do the same. It is such an enjoyable way to live. It makes life so interesting.
But if you don’t understand this concept of wanting from lack versus wanting from abundance, what you end up doing is wanting from lack, trying to prove yourself and hustling from a place of not enoughness and it feels terrible. So take inventory of your wants. Okay. Notice your relationship.
If your wants could talk, what would they say? Would they say that you are wanting from enoughness, from love and appreciation? Or would they say that you are wanting from not enoughness and comparison and lack? Make that list of wanting what you already have. It’s really fun and energizing and feels so good and from there practice wanting new and different life experiences just because you want them from a place of loving what you already have from a place of knowing that you are enough and that you have enough. All right, I will talk with you next week.
Hey, if you liked this podcast you really should check out, Grow You, my life coaching program. I coach you on everything I teach on the podcast so that you can uplevel your life. We 10x it so you get the results you want most. Just like a monthly gym membership to get your body in shape, this is a monthly personal development membership to get your mind in shape. It is an investment your future self will thank you for. Check it out at Nataliebacon.com/coaching. That’s Nataliebacon.com/coaching. I will see you there.