Today I have a very special episode for you. I am interviewing Jody Moore and speaking all about what successful people think. Whether you are seeking success in your parenting, running an online business, working in corporate America, or volunteering locally, this episode will help.
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life Podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Welcome to the podcast. Today I have a very special episode for you. I am interviewing Jody Moore, and I’m going to be speaking with her about what successful people think. If you don’t know Jody, you absolutely should. She is a master certified life coach. She’s a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She’s a speaker and creator of a five star rated podcast. She’s an author and a mom of four.
Jody was trained at the Life Coach School where I was trained at, and Jody has some leadership there. So that’s how I was introduced to Jody. I’ve been a fan of Jody’s and also a student of Jody’s for quite a while. I have also taken some of her programs, which are absolutely amazing. What I love most about Jody is her energy, which is always so calm and warm. She is such a thinker, and she challenges me to be a better person.
I look up to Jody not only as a coach but also how she balances her multimillion dollar online business coaching practice with having a family. She is wildly successful, and yet she prioritizes her family values which is something that I can resonate with and is so important to me.
So today I’m going to be speaking with Jody about what successful people think. You are going to learn about the importance of thinking differently in order to create success and how to do that and why to do that and what it looks like when you are not doing it.
This is going to apply to you whether you are talking about success in terms of parenting, running an online business, working in corporate America, volunteering at your local library. Any area of your life that you want to be good at, that you want to have success in, whatever success means to you. This episode and this interview are going to help you with that. So without further ado, let’s get started with today’s interview.
Natalie: Hey Jody. Welcome to the podcast.
Jody: Thank you Natalie. Thanks for having me.
Natalie: Oh my goodness. Thanks so much for being here.
Jody: I am so excited to talk to you. So it’s going to be fun.
Natalie: Likewise. Likewise. So I actually just wanted to jump right in. You are a mindset coach. You help so many people with their thoughts. I want to talk with you today about what successful people think, but I want to start off talking about why that’s even important to talk about. So can you talk a little bit about that?
Jody: Yes. So I know you and I have similar philosophies and similar backgrounds when it comes to this. So I think that what’s tempting is to think that we need to know how to do it. I’m personally a fan of learning how to do it and teaching when I’m able to, teaching people how to do it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us learning. I think that if we don’t go into it with the belief that it could work then it doesn’t matter.
So it’s what I call intentionality, right? If we don’t have the intentionality behind it which is the beliefs and the thoughts that this is possible, I can do this then know how in the world can compensate for that. So the way I like to teach it is your brain wants to be right more than it wants you to achieve your goals, which is crazy right?
Natalie: So fascinating. So good. Tell me more about that. What do you mean?
Jody: So I was thinking about this the other day because I went to the doctor. I’ve had these chronic stomach aches off and on for many years. So I finally thought okay, maybe I’ll try and go to the doctor again. So I went to the doctor, and I came home and was telling my husband, “You know that doctor, she’s just not hearing me. She doesn’t get it.” That’s what I decided. That was my belief, right? She doesn’t get it. She thinks she knows what’s wrong with my stomach, but I guarantee she’s wrong about it. She just doesn’t get it.
So my husband starts offering me suggestions like, “Well, have you tried explaining this to her? Or have you tried asking this question? Have you tried calling this particular office?” He starts giving me solutions for how to find a doctor that will hear me and will get my problem.
I watched myself, especially after the fact I can watch myself. I watched myself go, “No because if I would have said that, she would have said this. Or no, that won’t work because I have to go through this insurance.” Every solution that he gave me I watched myself sort of bat away. Like no, you don’t get it. There’s nobody that can help me solve this problem because that’s what I believed, and so I start defending that belief even though I want to solve this problem. I want a doctor to be able to help me.
We do that over and over again. Our brains want to be right more than they want us to achieve whatever we think we want to achieve. It’s crazy. I’m sure you’ve experienced this.
Natalie: Yeah absolutely. I’m thinking about just a little disagreement that I had with a close family member. What I loved about your example and the one I’m thinking about is typically when we talk about not knowing the how but having belief, we talk about it in terms of goal setting and careers and business. Really it’s in anything. It can be in your own health like you just said or with a disagreement with a family member or anything.
Jody: That’s right. It’s with anything. That’s where I do a lot of coaching actually. So I do a lot of coaching on in law relationships and parenting relationships and things like that. So if somebody says to me, “My mother-in-law doesn’t like me,” what their brains go to work looking for is proof that their mother-in-law doesn’t find them. It’s just so fascinating to me. So when it does come to business, I don’t know about you Natalie. I’d love to hear your experience, but I’ve found that sometimes getting myself all the way to the belief I want to have is not available.
So I teach that you don’t have to get all the way there. You don’t have to believe, “I’m going to be really successful. I’m going to make $100,000. Or whatever your goal is. Even if you can just shift away from a belief that’s keeping you stuck to a baby step like, “It’s possible. Or I’m capable of learning.” Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset, right. Instead of “I can’t do this”, “it’s possible that I could learn to do this.”
So that really, really critical because I can ask you, Natalie, do you think this is a good idea? Do you think that this business idea will work? You can tell me, “Yes, and here try this strategy.” But if I don’t believe, if I don’t come into it with the belief, it doesn’t matter. I will sabotage it. In most cases we will anyway in the end.
Natalie: Yes exactly right. I believe that. I think sometimes it needs to be a balance between taking a little bit of action and believing. Because, like you said, if you want to start a business, make $100,000 or $1 million or whatever your big goal is and you can’t get there yet, does that mean you don’t start at all? I coach a lot of women about self-doubt. I would love to hear your thoughts about having belief in the possibility of it while also dealing with this self-doubt that’s coming up. Is there space for both? Kind of what are your thoughts on that?
Jody: Yes. Such a great point. We don’t want to just sit in a meditative position and get to believing. We’ve got to get busy. Taking action will sometimes help your belief. This is the way I like to teach it and think about it.
I like to imagine in our brains we have two characters. I call the first character the lazy cat. I have a cat named Oscar. This is where I got this idea. He lays on the chair and he sleeps mostly. Then he gets up to eat. Of course I know that cat runs around at night when I don’t see it, but mostly he’s the lazy cat.
We all have this character in our brain that’s like, “Well, it just sounds kind of hard. I don’t really want to have to go figure that out. That’s overwhelming. It’s going to be a lot of work. It’s going to be a lot of time. It’s going to be a lot of money. I might fail. Then that would be really embarrassing, or people might judge me, people might not like it.” Right? All of that’s coming from the lazy cat. Totally normal, natural, healthy for us to have that part of us, right?
The reason I think about it this way is because I’m like, “Well, why don’t we all just like hang out and take it easy then? Because if we could just keep the cat happy, wouldn’t we be happier?” Except that we can’t. Because we also have this second character in our head that I call the curious bird.
The curious bird wants to fly around, and it wants to explore. It wants to see what’s over here and what’s this about. It’s like, “Hey, I bet I could be good at that. I think I could do it. I think maybe I could help people in this way. I think it’s possible that I could make a lot of money.” The curious bird wants to go and play and dream and explore and live life.
So if either one of those characters doesn’t get a little bit of attention then we find ourselves struggling. We operate best when we sort of give each of them a little bit of time and love. Sometimes we give in to the lazy cat and say, “You know what? You’re right. I’m running too fast. It’s too much. I need a break.” Other times we also have to accommodate the curious bird and say, “You know what? You’re right. Let’s try. Let’s see.” That is where, I think, we live our most ideal lives is sort of in the balance of those two.
Natalie: I love that. That really addresses sort of what I talk about, and you too, about the primitive brain and your prefrontal cortex and balancing this natural tendency to sometimes want to watch Netflix but also want to know what we’re capable of.
Jody: One of the things when I teach and the way I think about the cat and the bird is that both of them have a portion that comes from the primitive brain and a portion from the prefrontal cortex. So either one of them can be useful or can get out of hand. Like the cat, again, will say like we shouldn’t try. It’s too hard. Coming more from the primitive brain.
Sometimes the bird gets out of hand too. When the bird thinks, “We have to prove that we’re good enough. We’ll feel better once we get there. Then we can finally accept ourselves. Then we’ll be cool enough or skinny enough or rich enough. We’ll finally like ourselves. We’ll finally feel good.” So either one of them sometimes has these fear based tendencies. We need them to balance each other out in the end.
Natalie: I love that. Thank you for clarifying. That’s good. I love the analogy too. I’m going to be think/ng about this cat and bird right. It’s visual so it’s helpful.
Jody: I’m a simple girl. I have toddlers. So we use animals around here to illustrate.
Natalie: I love it. I love it. So if we’re thinking about a difference between people who are really achieving success in any area of their lives and people who are really struggling to have the success that they want, what are some of the most sort of toxic thoughts that you’re seeing that prevent people from achieving the success that they want? Whether it’s the thoughts they have about getting started, what’s realistic, their circumstances, mistakes and failures. That comes up a lot. Talk about that for us.
Jody: I’d love to hear your thoughts on this too. I created a whole list of 50 thoughts that I think successful people think that we’re going to tell people how to get their hands on. But I thought maybe we’ll just discuss a couple of them here that I know both for myself as I watch myself try to grow my business and other business owners I work with. Seems to be common but I want to touch on a couple that I think maybe people don’t even realize are thoughts.
One of the thoughts I hear people say is opportunities are hard to come by. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that way Natalie, but I totally felt that way when I was first building my business. I don’t think it was until end of last year, and I’ve been doing this about eight years now, that I realized wait a second. That is not a useful thought. Opportunities are hard to come by. Opportunities are few and far between. You need to take advantage of an opportunity when it comes along.
What I found that that thought did is it caused me to be really scattered. It caused me to say yes to anybody that said, “Hey, I’m doing a virtual conference. Would you like to participate? Would you post something on my Instagram? Would you come on my podcast? Would you?” Like anything that anyone reached out to me about I was so flattered by that I said yes. Eventually you run out of time and energy when you do that. Have you experienced that, Natalie?
Natalie: Yes, I’m nodding over here. So it’s so interesting because I coach a lot on this. I have to say this is one thought that I probably haven’t struggled with that much. I struggle with a lot of other thoughts. The opportunity one, I love to play around with my clients and really just see what they’re thinking opportunity comes from. Who creates opportunities? When you’re in the mindset of there is a limited amount of opportunity, of course you want to say yes to everything. because there might not be more that come.
Natalie: Flipping that around to see that you’re the one who creates the opportunities, and there’s always more that kind of slow you down and focus your mindset on what’s best for you and your business and your goals and all of that.
Jody: Yeah. I love that. It’s still one I’m working on to be honest. It still comes up for me sometimes. If somebody asks me…My assistant kind of filters my inbox. She’ll say, “This person’s asking about this, and this person’s asking about this.” Just today she said to me, “There’s this Instagram page, and they’re doing really noble things. All they want is for you to make a quick video saying hello.” She was like, “It’s really easy.” I could tell she thought I should do it.
She’s like, “This is such a great account. Here’s some of the people who’ve been on it.” They’re big names in my line of work or my industry. I felt myself go, “I should just do that because I should be doing what those other people are doing. I should be supporting this cause.” I realized I’m stretched so thin that even though it’s one simple thing, it’s one more thing.
Jody: So I have to remember like you’re saying. I love that idea. I create opportunities. I also love the thought opportunities will always come to be. They will keep coming. The right ones will come along, and I don’t even have to do anything. They’re just going to show up.
Natalie: I love that.
Jody: Yeah. I feel like opportunities are everywhere.
Natalie: Yeah. Yes, right? Money’s always coming. There’s never a time in my life where money hasn’t come to me. Since I was a child, right? So that kind of gets you out of that scarcity thinking.
Jody: Yeah. Ironically enough then we do go create opportunities. We do go create money when we believe money comes to me. Yeah, it’s interesting.
Natalie: Yeah, because you get out of that sort of frantic scarcity thinking of needing to say yes to everyone. You can sort of slow down and create from a much steadier, calmer place I think.
Jody: Yeah, yeah. Another one that I’ve heard a lot, I’m sure that you get this too. This one is actually one of my superpowers, I’ll say. It’s a strength that can become a weakness at times. So I think that our strengths when we overuse them, they become weaknesses. This is the idea that I just want to be really good at it. I just want to do a good job. I know you and I were both trained at The Life Coach School, and we were taught the value of B minus work.
I think for me, a lot of entrepreneurs that I coach, especially just starting out or whatever your goal is. I hear this over and over again. I was just talking to a guy the other day who said, “I just want to sound like Gary V. you know? How he just gets on there and he sounds so real. He’s kind of in your face, but in a way that you can hear.” I was like you’re not going to be like Gary V. until you’ve been putting in the time that Gary V. has put on.
You’re going to be terrible. You’re going to sound dumb. You’re going to sound insecure and nervous in the beginning, and you have to be willing to be not good at it. That’s the only way you get good at it. Gary V. didn’t always sound like that. He sounded ridiculous, probably, the first time he made a video.
So I tend to become kind of a mess. That’s why I say it’s a strength that can become a weakness. Because there’s times that I’m running too fast and I need to slow down, and I need to go make it better quality. Overall, I’m pretty comfortable just being okay at things.
Natalie: And you are wildly successful.
Jody: I’m pretty successful being just okay. That’s crazy.
Natalie: That is so inspiring. Isn’t that crazy?
Jody: Whenever I tell people that, they’ll go look at like my website. They’re like, “Well, it looks actually really good.” I’m like okay but you should have seen my first website that I created. I used like a drag and drop website template builder. It was not good. I go back later and make things better sometimes if it’s something that really matters, but that’s my point is you have to be willing to start out wherever you are. Everybody starts out, for the most part, being not good at it.
Natalie: What were your thoughts when you were starting out in that phase? Did you believe right away? Was it somewhere in the middle?
Jody: You know what I did is because I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself. I didn’t think I’m a great coach, and I know what I’m doing. I’m good at marketing. I didn’t have those thoughts. So what I did is I told myself I’m just going to put my confidence in the tools and the fact that I can learn.
So I have the model, you have the model, we both use the model, and then we have a bunch of other tools that we’ve learned or that we’ve created. I had the model and the few other tools that I’d been taught at the time, I just knew that that model was worth a lot of money. That I knew that model at least just a little bit better than my clients would.
So I told myself I don’t have to be amazing. I have this model that’s amazing. So that’s how I got myself out the door and was just like that really helps me that I still have to remind myself all the time. Oh, it’s not about me. Not about you Jody.
Natalie: So good.
Jody: So I didn’t look good. I didn’t sound good. I don’t look confident. My hair didn’t look right. The lighting’s not good on that video. I was just like, okay but this is not about you. This is about someone that you’re trying to help. So let’s just think about them and let’s get out of the way. Even if you don’t look pretty enough, you could still go help them. That’s really what helped me. I’m curious about for you what that was like.
Natalie: Yes. So at different phases I had different levels of belief. What really resonated with me in your explanation was I don’t think I borrowed so much the belief in the tools as I did the belief in other people.
So if I saw someone else succeeding, it didn’t even need to be in the same space. Just on the internet. They had an online business. Not one person, like lots of people. I borrowed that belief. Like if they can do it and it’s not something reserved for the top 1% of people, these are just people whose stories they share. I really borrowed confidence from them, and thought, “I don’t really know how, but this is fun. I’m going to keep trying. They did it. So maybe I can or maybe I can be half as good.” You know?
Jody: Here’s what I think is so awesome and fascinating about that. So many people look at all the people on the internet who are successful, and they use it in the opposite way. They use it to go, “Oh see, it’s already saturated. Somebody else is already doing it.” You used it in the opposite way.
Natalie: Yes. I remember sitting on my floor deciding to start my first online business. It was a finance blog at the time. Had I gone and done a ton of market research and thought about the odds and the statistics of me being successful, I probably would have never even started. Really, I knew it was possible because I saw other people doing it. I just kind of naively but to my advantage borrowed that belief in them.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about the difference between people who achieve success and the people who don’t in the way that they want to in terms of like that comparison. Whether it’s competitors if you’re doing an online business or it might just be you don’t volunteer to go do things because you think someone else is doing it better. Like anytime there’s that market with other people doing it.
Jody: Yeah. A couple things come to mind. First of all, Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic. Have you read that?
Natalie: No, but everyone I mean I know about it. Move it to the top.
Jody: Yeah, really good book. One of the things she says in there is, “Okay maybe it’s true. Maybe somebody else already did it or is doing it or will do it, but you haven’t done it. No one else can do it your way in your voice in the way that you would.”
So I think first of all, to think of it as a process that we’re going through to refine us, right. So she talks about a creative process, but like writing a book or something similar. Building a business is a very creative process as well, right? So you haven’t had the experience of doing it, first of all, but second of all, you would say it in a way that someone would only hear through your words or your voice or your message on the page. So I love that idea.
There was a second point I was going to make about this. Oh, I know what it was. There were some people out there that want to do market research, right? I used to actually be sort of an enrollment advisor/salesperson at the life coach school. So people considering coach training would want to ask me like what percentage of people are successful? Can I speak to some graduates? Can you show me examples of what coaches have done?
Here’s the thing. It’s okay to do that. If your brain is wired that way and you like data, I’m okay with that. Just keep in mind what we said in the beginning. That if your belief isn’t there it’s very challenging to get to the result that you want. So I like to actually protect my brain. I want to believe in impossible things. I want to believe that I could do things that sound really unrealistic to most people. So I purposely don’t go research it.
I purposely don’t even tell sometimes my husband or my team that I have this idea I’m going to try because I know out of love they’re going to say, “Let’s be realistic. I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Maybe we don’t have time for that.” Whatever. Just because they love me and they want to protect me, they’re going to offer counter evidence to what I’m trying to believe.
So I like to think of whatever I’m trying to believe in like a little baby that I have to protect. I’m not just going to pass it around to everyone who’s going to get all their germs on it and infect it and make it sick. I’m like this is my little baby belief that I keep to myself that I’m just nurturing until it’s strong enough that I feel comfortable sharing it. If somebody or some report or some article comes along and tells me otherwise, I can go, “Oh yeah. That’s all right. You can think that. I still choose to believe this.”
Natalie: I love this. This is so good. I do this in all sorts of ways. Most recently I’m thinking about the housing market when people talk about oh it’s just so hard to buy.
Natalie: I’m like don’t tell me those things. I’m like I’m going to have the perfect house that I’m going to buy, and I know it’s going to work out. I don’t need to know anything about statistics that are going to somehow impact the way that I think about it in a negative way. Not helpful.
Jody: Here’s the truth. You’re just trying to buy one house. So it doesn’t matter what’s going on in the housing market. You don’t need the whole market to be working in your favor. You just need the right house at the right price at the right time. That’s where I sometimes go. It’s like it’s okay. I can find one house that works for me even if the whole market is upside down or whatever people are telling me.
Natalie: Yes. If you try long enough, I’ve never heard a story where someone just couldn’t end up buying a house. They just couldn’t do it. It might have taken longer than they thought, but eventually they get the result that they want.
Jody: That’s right. People say, “Oh but interest rates are so high.” I’m like okay then we’ll pay a little more. Then my brain goes to, “We can’t afford that.” Okay then we’ll figure out how to make a little more money. All of these things are solvable, especially when I’m not responsible for solving it on a large scale. I just need one in one opportunity.
When I was 29 years old, I thought I would have been married by then and I wasn’t. I belong to a very conservative religion. So most people get married young. I just remember thinking, “Am I ever going to get married?” There were just no good guys around. I actually had one of my church leaders say to me, “But you only need one. You’re only looking for one guy that you want to marry. You don’t need there to be tons of great guys around. There’s just going to be one that you’re going to want to marry.” For some reason, that really helped me.
Again when it comes to my business, I’m not trying to help all the people in the world. Like how many people do you really need? How many clients or customers or whatever do you really need to get to your business goal? Is that a number that’s available in the world? Yeah? Okay then let’s get busy. Let’s go try to find them and help them. Let’s not worry about the big picture of it all.
I want to add one other thing here Natalie which is when it comes to this scarcity around, and it’s different with different industries of course. I’ve worked with a lot of coaches, but I know there are other industries like coaching where people go, “Oh it’s just so saturated. Like there’s so many coaches, right?” At the same time there are other industries we never say that about. Like I never hear people go, “You’re thinking about going to medical school and becoming a doctor? You know there’s so many doctors.” We never say that.
Natalie: Never. I know so many doctors in my family, and it’s sort of like the most prestigious thing you can do. We never consider the market at all.
Jody: Always like that’s a wise choice becoming a doctor. Job security. I’m just curious as to why that is. Especially, again, if it’s coaching for example, I always say, “How many people do you know that have a coach, like a mental health coach? Versus how many people do you know that have a doctor, right?” So maybe there’s still room for people to step into that industry and see what they’re capable of bringing. I don’t know. I guess the point that I’m making that I know you offer to your clients too is we just want to question things like this.
Jody: Don’t just take it because somebody else told you, “Oh there’s so many coaches nowadays.” You heard that somewhere. Now your brain’s looking for proof because, remember, your brain wants to be right. You just want to question and make sure it really makes sense.
Natalie: I love that. I always use the example of first grade teachers. I’m like we always need more first grade teachers or second grade teachers because students are growing up and there’s another class that comes in. We always need more of that. People are growing and changing and coming into different markets and out of it. We need you. We need your voice.
Jody: Yes, amen. Love that.
Natalie: Yes right? So I want to come back to what you said. It’s sort of about protecting your beliefs. I’m curious how that works if and when you make a mistake and fail. So you set out to do this thing, and you make your first mistake, or you hit your first roadblock. Sort of talk about how successful people would think about that to get them to keep going. Then if you don’t end up achieving your result, how does that happen? Do you self-sabotage? What does that look like?
Jody: Well, I’ll tell you. I think this is one of the more advanced skills. I’m sometimes good at it and sometimes not good at it, but it’s one that I’m always working on because it’s kind of like a magical power. I don’t literally mean that. I think it is all scientific. It’s the way our brains are wired, but I like to think of it as sort of magical. When you can believe in something even when all evidence points to the contrary, that’s when you have a lot of authority over yourself and what results you create in your life.
So let me give an analogy and then I’ll give a specific example. So the analogy I always like to use is the movies, right? So we’ve all seen Mission Impossible or some version of a movie like that, right, where we all know what’s going to happen in the end. Ethan Hunt is going to save the world and save the day. Everybody’s going to live but just barely. Okay. We all know. Because if that wasn’t the ending, somebody would have said, “Oh, wait until you see this Mission Impossible. You’re going to be really shocked. So we know the ending.
Yet in the middle of the movie, it looks like everyone’s going to die. Yet we don’t sit there and question it. We just know it’s all going to come around. So what we do instead is we’re very interested and curious. We’re like, “Huh, I wonder what’s going to happen. I can’t wait to see how this comes back around, how they get out of this situation, and how everybody lives.” That’s what I try to give my clients permission to do and try to do myself in my own life. It’s like you can just decide that it’s all working in your favor. That it’s all going to work out how you want even though it doesn’t look like it.
So my church does this big speaking circuit called Time Out for Women. I love Time Out for Women. I’ve always wanted to speak at Time Out for Women. In order to speak at Time Out for Women, you have to publish a book with Deseret Book, which is our church owned publishing company, okay. So for like eight or nine years I have thought about speaking at Time Out for Women.
In fact, I just decided to believe that I’m going to. All the time I told myself whenever I see numbers lining up on the clock like 3:33 or 2:22 or whatever. Not that I think that’s some kind of a sign, I’m just like I’m going to use that as a reminder to be excited about when I’m going to speak at Time Out for Women. So over and over again when I see those numbers on the clock, I’m like oh that’s going to be awesome one day when I speak at Time Out for Women.
So years go by. I become a coach. I start creating content, a podcast, a blog, all kinds of things. At one point I decide to write a book. I wrote a whole book, and it was terrible. It was not a good book.
Natalie: I love it.
Jody: It wasn’t. I mean I didn’t even try to send it to a publisher. I knew the whole time. I was like, “There’s something not right about this book, but I don’t know what it is.” I had to write that whole book in order to figure out what I really actually did want to write a book about. So from writing that book, I generated an idea for a second book. Before I even started writing it, I got a message from somebody at Deseret Book who said, “Have you ever thought of writing a book? We love your stuff.” I thought, “Oh, awesome. I’m going to be able to speak at Time Out for Women maybe. This is going to be it.”
So I work with an editor there for over a year and a half back and forth on a book. I write a book. She’s excited about it. Other people there are excited about it. Then at the last minute due to some bureaucratic things with the board, etcetera, she says, “I’m so sorry. We can’t publish your book.” So I’m heartbroken, but after a couple days of letting myself be emotional, I’m like, “Huh. This is interesting. I wonder how I’m going to speak at Time Out for Women.”
I just thought, “Well, I’m just going to keep doing my thing. I end up finding another publisher that’s a perfect fit. All the while I’m just thinking, “Well, my own events are getting to be sort of like Time Out for Women now. Like I kind of have created my own version of Time Out for Women. Second of all, all the reasons I want to speak there I’m already fulfilling in my life with helping people and meeting people and all of that. So maybe that is how this is being fulfilled. Let’s just move on.
Then a couple weeks ago, I get an email saying, “Hey, we’re rolling out this new program we’d like you to be a part of.” This is from Deseret Book again. “This new program, we’re going to be rolling it out for Time Out for Women. We’re wondering if you would come and speak on the tour to help us roll out this new initiative.”
So it doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes it really just like what you want is manifested in a different way, in a better way. I really do think because for eight years I’ve been thinking, “It’s going to be awesome when I speak at Time Out for Women.” That that comes back around. I just give myself permission to believe it no matter what. Who knows? I haven’t signed the final contract yet. Maybe that’s going to fall through. I’ll allow myself disappointment, but then I always come back around to just like a Mission Impossible movie. Huh, well it’s going to be really interesting to see how this fulfills itself in my life because I choose to still believe that it will.
Natalie: Can you talk about that for a minute? The allowing the disappointment and then going back to believing. Is there a certain amount of time that you do that for? Is there any advice you would give to someone who has had some failures or things not working out? What’s the process of going from this kind of stinks and I want to feel disappointed to I’m going to get back on the horse and start believing again?
Jody: Yeah, I do think that allowing yourself emotions is important. So sometimes when we say just choose to believe it, we think that that means that then we should just be happy. Like if I believe then my goals are going to happen, why would I be sad or disappointed? Well because we still are human beings. We’re not trying to turn everyone into robots here, right?
So I notice that when I lean into the pain, and I think that looks different for all of us. For me what’s helpful is I have one or two close people in my life that I can vent to a little bit. Kind of talk it out. If it’s really intense, maybe I need to cry, I like to go for a walk or a job or something. I like to listen to music. I like to just allow myself to lean into whatever negative disappointment etcetera that I might be feeling.
I find if I do that, for me it doesn’t usually last more than a day or two. Then it’s sort of cycled through me. It’s tempting to want to keep story fondling and who else can I tell this story too? I think we all know when it moves from that clean pain to that dirty pain. Like there’s a difference between crying and letting it wash through and like fondling it. Who else will listen to me and be mad about this? Right.
Natalie: Yeah, not useful at all. Right?
Jody: Yeah. So I try to interrupt it at that point and just go to a thought like everything is rigged in my favor. This is all leading me towards not only what’s best for me but what I actually genuinely want. I will say this too. I think if we get too fixated on how that that, for me anyways, can cause a problem.
So when I say that I’m thinking, “Well, maybe I’m going to write another book and I’m going to publish with Deseret or maybe this.” I don’t mean that I’m thinking that in like what should I try next to make that happen? I just mean I’m trying to keep the belief alive. Like there could be a lot of ways. Here’s some possible options, but okay. Let’s move forward and see what happens next. Let’s just go do what we’re trying to do in the world. Let’s keep helping people. Let’s keep doing good work. Then the way sort of just presents itself.
I love the idea that when you’re doing this, when you’re keeping your thoughts and your emotions aligned with what you want, it really does show up in a way that you never would have expected. It’s so fun.
Natalie: I love that so much. There’s this lightness to it instead of when you’re trying to figure out the how so much, it can sort of feel tight and like pressure. Then it takes all the fun out of it. So I’m curious now, how do we change our thinking to help us be more successful?
Jody: Well that’s, of course, the work that you and I both do as coaches, right? I like to teach that there is a spectrum that happens. If you picture a spectrum, let’s say on the far right side of the spectrum we have lack of awareness. That’s where a lot of probably your and I’s, both of our clients are when they come to us, right. That they don’t realize that they’re the creator of their own emotions. They’re the creator of their own results. They think, “She hurt my feelings. This thing didn’t work out. My husband, he’s the problem.” All of these things outside of us we think are the problem.
We come along. We find coaching. We find a great podcast like this or something, and we realize, “Oh, my thoughts are creating it.” That’s very enlightening and very empowering. It shifts us more towards the middle of the continuum where we want to be. Then on the far left side of the continuum is a lack of acceptance.
I don’t know if you’ve experienced this, but I find after somebody learns the model and we kind of clean up the low hanging fruit in the middle then they kind of start drifting over to the left where they start saying, “I know I shouldn’t be thinking this. I know what you’re going to tell me. You’re going to tell me I should think about it this way. I know this is on me. I know this is just my thoughts.” Now they’re frustrated with themselves because they are thinking it and they are feeling it and they can’t get out of it.
I tell them oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s come back to the middle. You’ve went too far. The middle is where we want to be. The middle is, “I am the creator of everything I’m feeling, every result I have in my life, and it’s okay to be where I’m at. I shouldn’t be any further along than I am. I don’t need to be any better than I am. I don’t need to be any happier than I am. I am where I am. Yes to all of me.”
Because from that place, you have the ultimate authority over yourself. You do not have authority over yourself when you’re judging yourself. You don’t have authority when you lack awareness to yourself. You have authority when you’re aware. “Yes, I’m creating it, and it’s okay that I am.”
So I think in answer to your question, to change our thinking we have to become aware of where we are, aware of the difference between thoughts and facts in the world, and then we have to learn to embrace fully where we are. When we embrace it, we have the ability to move forward.
Natalie: So real quick just for anyone listening who might be thinking, “Okay, if I embrace where I’m at and I’m happy with where I’m at, why go for more? Why even start the business?” Can you just touch on that real quick? Why would you do that if you’re content with where you’re at?
Jody: I would say it’s fascinating that we think that change, when it comes to ourselves or certain emotionally charged issues in our lives like money or what have you. Weight is another one. That we think change would only come from disapproval. Because there’s a lot of other areas of our lives where we make changes easily because we have complete acceptance.
For example, nail polish. I have light pink nail polish? Why would I get a different color if I love light pink? Well, because I like variety. We like variety. Why wouldn’t I just wear the same clothing every day? Well because it’s fun and playful and expressive of us to be able to change our clothes and our nail polish. These subjects that aren’t emotionally charged, we get it. We’re like just because I want to.
I do think though that we also have some innate human needs within us. Like I like the way Stephen Covey frames it. He says we have the need to live, to love, learn, and leave a legacy. So live is our basic survival. Love we need relationships. But learn and leave a legacy, how are we going to meet those needs? We all have it. Again it goes back to the curious bird, right? That we desire to grow, and we desire to help people.
So something like building a business is a great way to get our needs met. Our need to learn, our need to leave a legacy. When you can think of it the same way you think about, “I like this outfit I’m wearing today, but tomorrow I think I’ll wear something different.” Then you take the drama and the heaviness out of it,
Natalie: I love that. You have great analogies. I’m going to remember these. They’re so helpful with such common sense. With the nail polish, right, I get it.
Jody: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We all get nail polish. Come on.
Natalie: Right. We’re always changing our nail polish.
Jody: What color next?
Natalie: Yes. It’s so fun. So you have a special little gift for anyone listening. You want to talk about that?
Jody: Yes. Yes. So Natalie and I could talk all day probably about all the thoughts that we love and thoughts that we think are not useful. So I typed up 50 of my favorite thoughts that I notice that successful people think. Not only did I type them up, but my graphic designer put them into a beautiful downloadable document. So what I encourage you to do is not to try to believe and think all 50 of these thoughts. I just like to give you lots of options.
So if you find yourself stuck in a certain area, if you’re not progressing or if you’re feeling the tightness, the overwhelm, that you can go to this. If there’s a thought that grabs you, you put that one thought somewhere. I like to make a little graphic and make it the screensaver on my phone or something. Again, like the numbers on the clock. I like to have a way to prompt myself to remember to practice the new thought.
Anyways so this is just a free download. 50 thoughts that successful people think. You can get it at jodymoore.com/success and share it with all your friends.
Natalie: I love that. Thank you so much. So nice of you to offer that. Any final thoughts you’d like to share, particularly to any young women listening who may not be feeling very successful right now or maybe feeling a little stuck?
Jody: Yes. I would love to say to young women that it’s interesting. I have a lot of friends, and I know Natalie you and I have some friends in common who are staunch feminist. I consider myself a feminist, but I think about feminism a little bit differently I think than some people do. I like to joke with our mutual friend Kara Loewentheil who’s probably my favorite feminist.
I like to tease her like, “Kara, listen. We need the men to be able to feel a little better because the truth is, we are a lot smarter than them. We’re a lot better at a lot of things than them.” This is just sort of what I believe. So it’s okay if they need to make themselves feel better by thinking that they’re better than us. Let’s just leave them alone and stop worrying about all that. I’m kidding. I think there are smart people all over the world.
I do think that women have so much to add. I think that the things that have typically been considered masculine when it comes to building a business, a lot of women actually have a lot of those masculine traits, myself being one of them. I think also a lot of the feminine traits are what are going to take us and our society and our families and our communities to the places we want to go that are going to help solve some of the really complicated problems that we have that exist today.
I guess what I’m saying is that we need you. Whether it’s like you’re really passionately called to it or you’re just kind of curious about it, we need you to follow that to wherever it leads you. Because that is how we make our world a better place. So I would say be willing to start out wherever you’re at. Be willing to learn. Be willing to fail along the way, but please show up because we all need you.
Natalie: So beautifully said. Thank you so much Jody for being here today. Finally, where can people find you?
Jody: My website is jodymoore.com but you can also find me on Instagram or Facebook if you like to hang out there at Jody Moore Coaching. I have a podcast called Better Than Happy too if you want to hear my voice more.
Natalie: Yes, so good. After you listen to this, go check her out. Thank you so much for being here Jody. For everyone else, I will talk to you more next week. Take care.
Jody: Thanks Nat. Bye.
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