Have you ever paid attention to what you tell yourself about who you are? It may be that you tell yourself you’re not a morning person or that you are just somebody who struggles with dating. We report these things to be facts and believe we can’t change them. But they’re not facts, and you can change them to a Self Identity that serves you.
Self Identity is the way that you view yourself in your life. So many of us don’t have the awareness to know that we actually have a choice in how we see ourselves. It is within your power to create the identity you want and get the result you want in your life, you just need to learn how.
Join me on the podcast this week as I share how your Self Identity leads to the results you’ve been getting, and how changing your Self Identity can create wonders. I’m explaining why intentionally creating a new Self Identity will help you show up in a completely different way, and why making small changes can create the biggest results in your life. I’m so excited to share today’s episode with you!
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life Podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Hey, friend, welcome to the podcast. Merry Christmas, happy holidays! Even if it’s July and you’re listening to this into the future, Merry Christmas anyways. The time this is being released it is middle of December 2020. It’s been quite a year for all of us and I just want to let those of you know who are not in Grow You we have a holiday pass this year. You can gift it to yourself or to someone else. I truly believe there’s no better gift.
I mean, I think back to what I got last year for the holidays and I have no idea. So, this is a way for you to give really intentionally and purposefully whether that’s to yourself or to a woman who you think would love it. You can learn more about the holiday pass and all of the awesome bonuses including the podcast book over at nataliebacon.com/annual-coaching. That’s two words, so it’s annual-coaching. I hope to see you there.
What else? I think that’s it. This season has been so fun for me. If you haven’t seen our Christmas card you can head on over to Instagram @natalierbacon. Steve, Penny, and I are in our holiday pajamas for our Christmas card and I’m just really enjoying the simplicity of this holiday season. Not a lot of travel, staying home, and it’s a little bit more intimate and it can still be full of joy. Decorating, that’s really fun, and spending time at home and focusing on what matters most even if it looks a little bit different than previous years. So, I hope you are having a very merry holiday season.
Let’s talk about self-identity. Not related at all to the holidays, but something I am really, really excited to bring you. If you haven’t listened to the episode on creating a being list go listen to that episode. I share the actions for how to create a list every day of who you need to be to get the results you want.
This episode is similar, but it’s much more expansive and it’s from a completely different angle in a way that I’ve been implementing it into my life that’s really been working for me. So, I think that you’ll hear this differently and I’ve also grown a lot and changed a lot since that episode. That episode is a lot about business and in this episode I’m going to talk to you and apply it to your life in a way that I’ve been doing and I think that will really help you.
So, let’s start off with defining what your self-identity is. Your self-identity is how you view yourself including your personality. It’s what you consciously are saying to yourself about yourself. You probably think that these thoughts are facts, so you don’t have the awareness that what you’re saying to yourself is even a choice. It doesn’t have to be related to goals. It’s much more about just who you think you are.
When I think of my self-identity and I think about the examples that I love I think about how I’m someone who always has a coach. I’m someone who loves my family and puts them first. I’m also someone who gets ready every single day. That’s part of my self-identity. I’m someone who plans. I’m someone who loves my calendar and uses it all the time. I’m someone who gets value from anything I invest in. I love this and I love that this is part of my self-identity because a lot of times people will ask me about certain investments and they’re asking because they don’t have this self-identity and I just think it’s such a brilliant identity to have.
I’m someone who always gets value from anything I invest in no matter what even if the lesson is, “That wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. Here’s what I learned and this is why it was valuable.” I did that with a PR company once. I didn’t have a great experience with them, but I never thought it was a waste of the money. I thought, instead, that I learned how to hire PR companies and how not to hire them and what’s involved in that I’m always identifying as someone who gets value from anything I invest in. What else?
I’m someone who’s resilient and reliable and responsible. I’m someone who has a lot of energy. I am a morning person. I love my money. I love taking care of it. I love creating it. I’m really clean with my money. I love saving it and having it. Also, all of these examples are examples that I thought of when I was thinking about my self-identity and the parts of it that I really love. That’s all good and well. I think that that’s a worthy exercise, but where the real work comes in that I think you’re going to get so much value from in this episode is I want you to think about the results that you want to change in your life and how that relates to your self-identity.
So, I want to give you an example. I was coaching someone who said that she felt really busy and like she needed more time. So, a Grow You member came to me for time management tips and just really felt like she was spread so thin. She explained that she has an 8-month-old, she works full-time, and she also has a side gig. On top of that, she added that she loves all of these. She actually loves her job. She does the side gig because she wants to do it and she loves it. It’s where she can almost like a hobby, express her craft. She loves being a mom and taking care of her baby.
I asked her what she thought of adopting the self-identity that she’s not someone who overworks. I could see her nervous system clench up. She did not want to do that. There’s really a good lesson here. So, there’s no time management tip out there that’s going to help her with this if she identifies as someone who always spreads too thin and who always overworks because she has to change who she is in order to stop letting that energy come in.
It’s like on the front-end, consciously she thinks she wants time management tips and to better plan and to be able to do it all, but what’s really happening is she’s doing that at her own expense and she doesn’t have the awareness of that. When I suggested, “You can still love the side gig and just say that it’s not the season right now and you’re going to protect your peace over doing that activity.”
That helped a little bit. It helped her see the shift, but the real shift’s going to come in when she just adopts the self-identity, she’s just not someone who spreads herself too thin. Because it isn’t like this just started, she’s always been this way and it’s appeared to be circumstantial, right? It’s like, “Oh, well now I have the new baby,” but before the new baby she was also spread too thin in different ways. I’ve done this as well with respect to work.
Now, part of my self-identity is I’m just not someone who overworks. I don’t work at my own expense. I have to tell you that when I first adopted this new self-identity it almost felt a little bit weird and unsafe, like risky. Like my brain thought something bad was going to happen if I wasn’t working all the time.
If I didn’t have the awareness that my self-identity was I’m someone who always has to work then I would have blamed it on my circumstances. “Oh, this is just a season. This is fill-in-the-blank.” So, now that I have this self-identity that I’m just not someone who overworks it feels so much better. I don’t even let the energy of overworking come into my space.
I’m not really perfect at this one yet, so if it does kind of creep in, I have the awareness and so I work through that. I say, “Okay, let’s just pause here and see what’s really going on because I have that energy again and I don’t want to even let that energy in.” That energy that I’m creating thinking, “I need to do this. I need to work.”
The result of this is I actually changed how I operate in my business. So, if I identify as someone who just doesn’t overwork that means I have to have an A+ team in place that’s so dialed in each of their roles which I have spent so much time doing over the last few months. It’s been such transformational work for me.
You guys know I took the How to CEO Program and that was a big part of it. I’ve also read some books. All that stuff, and that’s stuff I teach and talk about more in the Creator Program where all the business stuff is now, but for purposes of this example it’s showing you how the self-identity that I’m someone who overworks was seeping all areas of my life, particularly with my team. So, dialing in on the team roles really has enabled me to get a new result which is I don’t overwork. But that has come from the belief that I’m someone who doesn’t overwork.
It seems like, oh no, I could have just done the action part and gotten the same result, but it’s not true because your energy is always creating your results. So, I could easily take this shift and continue to work and do more and fill up all my time working. Those of you who are worker bees, type A overachievers you know exactly what I’m talking about and it might be that you do this at home cleaning or cooking or never resting. You’re doing and you’re busying at your own expense.
The only real way to change this on a massive level is for you to see what your self-identity is that’s creating that result. It’s like when I was coaching that woman in Grow You and I said, “Can you create a new self-identity that you’re just not someone who spreads yourself too thin?” It was so foreign to her. It felt incredibly awkward. That’s how you know you’re on to something because it will likely come up in something you haven’t considered before.
For her, she was considering, “Okay, time management. This seems to be a problem I can’t solve. Let’s try. I’ll go get coaching on it.” But what I want you to do is to think, “Okay, what’s the identity that I’m carrying around that has created this result, I’m someone who’s always spread too thin?”
A lot of other examples that I can tell you that I hear in Grow You and in just all of my clients and customers are things like, “I’m someone who’s just not a morning person.” Or, “I’m the queen of…” Most recently I heard someone say in Grow You, “I’m the queen of credit card debt.” “I’m someone who’s always struggling with dating and relationships.” “I’m someone who’s just generally anxious at work.” “I just don’t like getting ready in the morning. I’m just not someone who wants to do that, but I think I should.” “I’m someone who has always made under 100K.”
It seems like you’re reporting the facts, but what you’re doing – your brain’s just pulling evidence from the past and then making it a part of your identity. I love the saying, “Whatever comes after I am is your destiny.” That’s really what creating your self-identity on purpose is all about. So, I want you to do this exercise. I’ve been doing it every morning and I think when you want to really create a new result in your life, it doesn’t have to be related to a goal, maybe you want to relax more. It can be related to a habit or just a way of life. Whenever you want to a really big transformation in your life that’s when you want to do this work more frequently.
So, if you’re someone who’s always making and has always made under $100,000, you’re probably just going to want to focus on that and you’re going to want to do this exercise every single day. The reason you want to do it daily is because your brain is in the habit of remembering how you currently think and feel and act, so that’s going to be what it does on default and you got to jump in there in the morning and say, “Okay, no, we’re going to think, feel, and act totally differently.”
You write down one self-identity every morning. For me, let’s say if I was doing this I would say, “I’m not someone who overworks.” That’s the self-identity. Then you elaborate on it. If you are truly someone who never overworks and you protect your self-care and your peace and your time, what does that really look like?
So, I’m someone who has plenty of time to rest. I’m someone who has time for hobbies, for cooking, for thinking, for reading. I’m never spread too thin. So, you elaborate on how you would be living if you had the self-identity, I’m just not someone who overworks. You want to elaborate on it because your brain will think this is really uncomfortable and foreign because you’re so used to be someone who does overwork.
That’s how you can do it every single day and repeat it. So, let’s say you really want to work on not overworking every day, for a month I would say you would write down at the top, “I’m not someone who overworks.” Then, you would write down different things every day about what that looks like so your brain in its imagination can come with what that looks like for you in the future and get really detailed.
“I have time to go on a morning walk and sip a cup of coffee. I have time to play with the kids for an hour before I do anything else. I fill-in-the-blank,” but get really detailed so then your brain can go to the place of visualizing and actually experiencing what that future is like.
Now, if you don’t really have one big result that you want to change that’s not obvious to you. Maybe it’s money or maybe it’s time, you can still do this for little things and I like to do it for little things and elaborate on one specific self-identity every day that’s different. So, maybe on Monday you write down, “I’m someone who doesn’t complain.” And then you write down, what that looks like in your life.
So, you put yourself in circumstances where you normally complain and then you write down what you think and feel and do instead. If you’re someone who normally complains about your sister-in-law you would say at the top, “I’m someone who doesn’t complain. When my sister-in-law forgets to do fill-in-the-blank instead of complaining about her to my husband I give her the benefit of the doubt. Blah, blah, blah.” We always want to assume our circumstances are the same and in that setting, in that situation what do we do with our new self-identity.
Another self-identity could be, “I’m someone who looks and finds moments of joy in the day-to-day.” What does that look like? “I’m someone who makes $200,000 a year. I’m someone who relaxes. I’m someone who fill-in-the-blank.” You’ll know where your work is and so I want you to create a self-identity around where your work is in your life right now.
You’ll know you’re doing this right when you feel like a completely different person. It will truly be a shift in your energy and you’ll no longer allow that old thinking and feeling into your body. For example, if you’re someone who used to struggle with dating and you change your self-identity you won’t ever allow that struggling with dating energy into your life again even if you are single and nothing in your relationship status has changed. That’s actually how you change your results, you change who you are.
So, I can tell if the I’m someone who overworks energy is creeping in. I can’t tell you how much freedom this new self-identity has given me by being someone who doesn’t overwork. That new self-identity actually required me to get my team into shape. It’s not just people who are doing work, it’s actually a team with roles and processes and responsibilities. That’s a very different thing than how I used to operate which was I’m someone who’s doing all the work and I’m just going to pass off what I don’t have time for. It’s a totally different way of operating my business and it feels completely different and it actually feels amazing.
Think about the result or something in your life like a habit that you want to change and you want to be different, whether it’s time, money, energy, the way you live in your home, and see what the identity is that you currently have that’s creating that result and then turn it around so you create the opposite identity and start practicing it and trying it on.
I talk about this a little bit in a different in the Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and the Alter Ego podcast episodes, this is just a different spin on it. You use the self-identity work to create the identity that you want to have in your life to get the result that you want, to be how you live. I want to be someone who gets ready every day and I already am that person. I love that. I want to be someone who makes a million dollars.
So, I’m practicing that identity and I’m more than halfway there, how fun. I want to be someone who doesn’t overwork. That one was the most recent, I think, maybe the last six months, that I did the most work on. It’s not something that changes overnight. That’s why you want to make it a daily practice, especially for those big shifts like if you’re just someone who overworks or maybe you’re someone who never has enough time.
Shifting to being someone who always has more than enough time will feel incredibly weird to you, like a foreign concept. That’s what you want to focus on practicing and flushing out in your imagination and writing it down on paper so that your brain has these new examples, these new pictures, this new imagery in your mind to create that and live that out.
I cannot tell you how powerful this is. Just doing this exercise every single day will help you make the energy shifts that you need to make. I love the quote from Abraham Hicks that say, “Nothing takes time, it just takes alignment.” I love that. That’s why if someone asks me, “How long is it going to take to do X, Y, Z, to achieve my goal?” I don’t know. How much time, how much energy, how much thought work, how much money are you going to put into it? Because one person can achieve the goal in 90 days, another person it could take 2 years and that’s okay. We’re not in a rush, but you just want to notice that if you are thinking about time in that way you want to turn it around so that you’re thinking about who you’re being. The way that you do that is to change your self-identity.
That’s actually how you get the biggest shifts and create the biggest results in your life. You just have to become someone totally different. So, you have to shred your identity which is a little bit scary. There are parts of your identity that you may struggle to shed, but you do it because you want the other thing so much more.
It would be like if you’re someone who struggles with dating and you actually like commiserating with your other single girlfriends about it, but what you want more, your deeper desire is to get married and have a family you do have to give up the part that commiserates with your current friends about struggling with dating in order to get to the version of you, that self-identity of someone who just doesn’t struggle with dating at all. You see that? It’s a lot harder than it sounds. It seems like, “Of course, I’m going to create the identity that I want that gets me the results that I want,” but we’re actually really attached to our problems and our identities.
So, that’s the work. That’s what I have for you to do. Come join me in a Grow You. We have an amazing community of women over there. The holidays is a perfect time to get a life coach. So, I will see you inside.
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