Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life Podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Hey there. Welcome to the podcast. I can hardly believe that this upcoming Monday we are starting Five Day Mindset Reset. This is a deep dive coaching opportunity that you have to join me for five days in a row where we really explore some of the deeper coaching concepts. Like accessing your intuition and getting a little bit more in balance internally and uncovering the limiting beliefs and thought errors that you have.
So if you love the podcast, I want to encourage you to come. Tickets are only $19. Like $19, you cannot beat it. The reason that they are $19 and not more is because I really wanted to make it a price that was super accessible and easy for you to say yes to. But I didn’t want to make it free because I know that sometimes when something is free, we will register and then decide on the day of if we’re going to go. When we have that value exchange, we sort of have some skin in the game and we value it more. So we want to show up. I do this. Everyone does this. It’s sort of the way that human behavior works.
So I am so, so, so looking forward to seeing all of the women who’ve already registered. If you haven’t registered, come on over to nataliebacon.com/mindset. Better yet if you know a mom, a friend, a mom-to-be, another woman who could use a little bit of a mindset reset in her life right now. She’s feeling a little overwhelmed, like she can’t handle it all. Like she really just wants some time for herself, and she really deserves it. You can either send her this link and invite her or you can even buy her a ticket. What a good gift. I love that. When we give gifts that keep on giving. So I will see you there on Monday.
A couple quick things that I do want to mention. They’re on the sales page as well. Just so you know, if you can’t make it to any of the sessions live, as long as you’re a ticket holder, you are going to get all of the replays that you can have. So at the end of the week, we’ll send out all of the replays. So if you find that they are during a time where you can’t make it, not a problem at all. You can also see what topics we’re going to be covering over at nataliebacon.com/mindset as well. I think that’s about it. I am so ready to take this work deeper with so many of you. We’re going to have a lot of fun. So I will see you there.
Today I want to shift into talking about resting on purpose. So this month in Grow You, I’m teaching time management and calendaring. It’s one of my favorite things to teach. As I’ve taught it over the years, what I’ve realized is that a lot of people misinterpret my teachings to mean that there’s no space for spontaneity or rest or fun or play. It’s quite the opposite.
It’s kind of like saying having a budget means that you don’t have space to spend on entertainment. The budget actually is just there to guide you and help you intentionally decide what entertainment to purchase. In the same way, your calendar and your planning, your time management, is all there to help you decide how you want to intentionally use your time. How you want to intentionally rest, how you want to intentionally produce, and having this balance of it.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because of how the cultures are very different in Chicago versus Charleston. I was thinking about why and what that is. I just kind of like to have these ideas going around in my mind. I’ll think about them periodically and over time, and my subconscious sort of goes to work on them. What I’ve realized is not that people in Chicago are not good at resting. I don’t think it’s that at all. I think that generally the people who I’m around and have seen so far in Charleston are slower paced.
So what I initially took that to mean when people had said that because obviously this isn’t groundbreaking here. You’ve probably heard that it’s slower in the south. What I initially took that to mean was that there was going to be more fun and more play and more rest. People are going to have these really well-balanced lives of work hard and play hard. They really have it figured out.
That’s not the case. Not the case at all. If anything, it’s just that anything done down here is just a little bit slower. Obviously, that’s a gross generalization, but hopefully if you’ve ever been to the south, you can kind of understand what I mean. I don’t think either is good or bad. I don’t think there’s like a right or wrong. It’s just an observation that I’m making.
How I want to tie this into rest though is for you to think about what it means to rest. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. As you know, I am pregnant. I am resting a lot. Sometimes I rest and it is really rejuvenating, and it’s really helpful. I feel so much better after I do it. Other times I rest, and I don’t feel as good afterwards. What I’ve noticed is there’s this big difference between how I rest and whether I’m doing it intentionally and purposefully or whether I’m doing it as a way to sort of escape my day.
So let’s just give you a very real example here. If I am feeling sorry for myself or beating myself up or not managing my mind—and this happens all the time, right. I am a human being. That might happen. It might be something happened, and I was triggered. Who knows, right? So let’s just say I’m feeling bad. I’m having some negative emotions. I haven’t coached myself yet.
So let’s just say I decide to go and watch TV. I’m just going to rest. Now am I resting my body physically? Yes. I’m laying down. I have the TV on. I’m sort of tuning out. I’m not even thinking. So I’m sort of resting my mind that way. But I’m doing it in a way where I’m escaping my day, and I’m sort of feeling sorry for myself. So whenever that show ends and I stop resting, all of that emotion is going to come back. Now it might come back in a much subtler way. It might come back in a softer way. It might come back differently, but I haven’t solved the mindset problem. I haven’t solved the cause of the problem, which is my thinking.
So rest in that sense is fine, but it’s not the same. Not even close to being the same as when you rest on purpose. Which I take to mean it’s you giving yourself a few minutes of rest to truly check in with yourself. Check in with your body, check in with your mind. It might be 10 minutes of silence. It might be meditating. It might be that you’re not doing it to escape negative emotion. So there are no negative emotions there. You’re just saying, “You know I’ve been in front of the screens all day. I’m going to take a minute to play. Play with Penny, my puppy, or Benji.” That can be a form of rest.
So think about rest, and what does it look like to you? What does it mean to you? Are you resting your body? Are you resting your brain? Are you doing it as a way to escape negative emotion and the day? Or are you doing it on purpose as a way to truly take a break from having all of the mental stimulation going on at once?
This can even be something that you do in between moments of the day. So think about those in between moments. Many of us are filling them with social media, and that’s from a place of wanting to escape.
So we’re thinking it’s Monday or whatever day it is. You’re transitioning from one task to the next. So you pick up your phone and you scroll social media. Is that really helping you check in with yourself and get a moment of peace and rest and connectedness to your body? Or is it helping you just escape your negative emotion and get that dopamine hit so you get that high from checking Instagram.
Then you may feel even worse afterwards depending on what you see on Instagram. You might go into the comparison trap. Who knows? Most people if you are scrolling a lot, you will have trouble managing your mind because you’ll always be thinking about what other people are doing instead of thinking about yourself and taking care of yourself.
So for those in between moments in the day, I suggest taking advantage of them. Saying, “Okay, this is a moment for me to just rest on purpose. This is a moment for me to check in with myself. This is a moment for me to ask myself what is it that I truly need right now?” I think that it sounds so simple, but we don’t do it. If we did, it would make such a difference in how we felt.
What I’m noticing, particularly this month as we’re studying time management in Grow You, is that most of us say we don’t have time for things like rest. It’s not that we actually don’t have time. It’s that we think we don’t have time. So we’ll find ourselves having time for scrolling on social media, watching TV, doing all sorts of other things that we have time for. Not realizing that that’s time that we could be using to rest or to do something else that we genuinely want to be doing. So it’s not that you don’t have time. It’s that you don’t know how to rest. I find that most of us don’t know how to rest. So can you sit still and be with yourself?
For me, rest on purpose means choosing a few moments of rest for myself that are not to escape negative emotions. So it can be that I lay on the couch, and I check in with myself and my body. I turn off my mind and I just lay there. Or it could be that I just turn on the TV for a few minutes, but it’s only considered rest in my book if I am truly doing it from a place of clean thinking and not from a place of wanting to escape negative emotion.
Because when we say we’re resting but we do it to escape negative emotions, there’s that net negative consequence. Then we’re really seeking that pleasure dopamine hit of the TV, so we don’t feel stress from the day. Then we just habituate that cycle. So we’re going to want more TV to feel better. That is very different from rest.
There’s this coffee table book that I love. It’s called The Art of Doing Nothing. I don’t know how many pages. 50 maybe? It’s small. It’s hardcover. I think you can get it on Amazon. I have it. I read it, and I just adore it. It’s very much about what I’m talking about today, and how we struggle to rest on purpose because we struggle to turn our minds off. So it’s not that we don’t have time. It’s that we don’t know how to pause, check in with ourselves, turn our minds off, sit with ourselves, be with ourselves, and connect to our bodies.
The more I grow my family, the more I realize how true this is because there are so many more things I can distract myself from myself. So if Penny wants to play or Benji wants to go out or Steve wants to have dinner. Baby boy is wanting me to lie down. Someone is always there to want something from me, and I want it to be that way. The alternative is they’re not there, and of course I want that. I want to grow my family. That’s amazing.
This is the yin and yang where you have to check in with yourself and give yourself permission for a real moment of rest. That might just look like you sitting on the bed for 30 seconds and saying, “This is my moment of rest. What is it that you need? You’re doing a good job.” Sort of talking with yourself. It can just be internally with your eyes closed, but truly checking in so that you allow yourself to just be.
Aside from these little in between moments where instead of scrolling social media, we could be checking in with ourselves. There are bigger chunks of time that we can allocate and use for rest in different ways. It might just be that you need to rest your brain from the go, go, go type A work mode woman that you are to the play mode. To be fully present and having fun just because it’s a Tuesday and your kids or your puppies want to play with you.
I think this is hard at first, but if you do a few things. They can be changing your environment. Going outside. Getting some fresh air. Moving your body. So maybe turning on some music. Anything that gets you more connected to your body. Getting into something more comfortable, leaving your screens in a different room. These can all be helpful ways for you to shift out of that productive mode, work mode. Whether that’s staying home with the kids or working from home or going to an actual job outside of the home. Whatever that is, we all have this productive energy. I think that’s a good thing.
So circling back to what I was talking about earlier about the work hard, play hard mentality, and how you want to have the yin and the yang. It’s like we want to have that productive work mode, but we also want to shut it off and shift out of it and relax and rest intentionally. So the goal is to give yourself a little space to shift gears from productivity mode to rest mode, to shake off that energy and to relax and have fun and play. Really rest your mind.
I think this will look different for each and every one of us. I can give you some examples in my own life. For me, getting into comfy clothes or sort of like athleisure and turning on some music really helps me loosen up. Dancing and playing and playing with the puppies. That helps me really rest my brain. I can tell you that scrolling on Instagram does not help me rest my brain.
So you want to ask yourself what is it that really helps you rest and rest your brain and rest your body and check in with your body and feel more connected. Then how can you integrate more of that into your day-to-day life. I want you to start really, really small. So it may just be, “Okay. For 10 minutes a day, I’m going to sit in silence. Or instead of my in-between moments of using social media, for this next upcoming month I’m going to take a break and only check social media after 7:00 p.m. or once at night.” Something like that where you put some constraints in your life to really help yourself relax.
It sounds so silly because if you ask anyone, I know my Grow You members will agree that we all want more time to relax. Yet truly it’s not the time. It’s that we don’t know how to do it. So what I want you to do is recognize that that’s normal. It’s because we have these overworking brains, and they’re used to being in fight or flight mode. What we have to do now is tap into the right side of our brain, turn off that mental chatter, and connect with our bodies and feel safe enough to rest and relax and play knowing that we can handle tomorrow’s challenges as they come.
So it’s not that you’re going to stop being productive. It’s that you’re going to have this internal balance of this is my productive time and this is my play time or my rest time. That is something that I’ve gotten so much better at in my own life. Oh my goodness. Thank you, pregnancy. I think it’s something that I constantly am working to master because I want to still be productive.
I think that it’s amazing that we can just decide to go start a business and make a million dollars and then go do it. That is fun for me. I don’t want to be doing that 24/7. I want to have that as some of my work time, and then I want to have play time and rest time. Not just scheduled in the calendar, but where I actually feel it. So resting on purpose is more about you feeling, “Oh yeah. This is me giving myself a moment of rest.”
It might be that you just start there because your brain will always choose the path of least resistance. So the path of least resistance is the path you’re already on. So if you are on a path of overwhelm, you will continue to stay on this path because it’s easier for your brain to do it. Your brain’s like, “I get overwhelm. I’ve done it so much. I can do it.”
What I want to encourage you to do is say, “Okay. I don’t want to be overwhelmed and living in overwhelm anymore. So I’m just going to take this one minute of rest for myself every day. I’m going to sit there with myself and just say, “This is my moment of rest.” Then, of course, come into Grow You and learn how to coach yourself and get coaching because then you’ll find out where the overwhelm is coming from. You’ll be able to manage your mind a lot more effectively day in and day out. All right my friends. Let’s rest a little bit more on purpose this week. I will see you on Monday for the Five Day Mindset Reset. Talk soon. Bye, bye.
If you loved this podcast, you’re going to love Grow You. Grow You is my virtual life coaching program where I take everything on the podcast to the next level. I invite you to join our amazing community of women and moms and deepen your own personal development. Head on over to nataliebacon.com/coaching to learn more.