10 Mindset Shifts For Moms

Hi there. Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life podcast. My name is Natalie Bacon, and I’m an advanced certified mindfulness life coach as well as a wife and mom. If you’re here to do the inner work and grow, I can help. Let’s get started.

Hey there, welcome to the podcast. You guys, we hit one million downloads. We actually hit one million downloads a few months ago, and I was so excited about it and shared it on Instagram. I realized I never mentioned it here on actual podcast. This is so awesome.

I just want to say thank you so much for being here. I have had so many of you reach out and tell me how much you love the podcast and how much it’s helped you. You’re sharing it. You’re writing reviews. You show up week after week and give me a full 20 to 40 minutes of your time. It would not be here without you. So thank you so much for helping me spread the word and helping me get these tools out. Thank you for listening, for being here. Truly, this community is so amazing. I am just extra, extra in love with you today. So thank you.

With that, today I want to talk with you about mindset shifts. So this episode is going to be a little bit different than my normal episodes where I’m teaching you a lesson. I’ve been doing a lot of work on how I can serve you better, and I’m always looking for different ways to teach what I teach so that it resonates with you. Maybe it’s going to land in a different way.

I’m going to share with you 10 mindset shifts and give you this specific way to think about some of these concepts that I teach instead of what your brain offers you on default. I’m also doing this a lot over on Instagram @natalierbacon. So if you want sort of a behind the scenes look at my life and some of the work that we’re doing in Grow You,  I’m sharing a lot of shifts that you can make on stories and in reels. So you can follow there and get that day to day help if you’re looking for it.

Today, I’m going to offer you 10 different ways to think instead of keeping the default thought that your brain offers you. I’m going to give you an exact different way of thinking. But I want to mention first that I don’t teach affirmations in the traditional sense.

So what I teach is a tool called thoughts to borrow. Because what people often miss with affirmations is that you can’t repeat any thought and just expect it to be true for you. So if you think a thought and it doesn’t feel good for you, then it’s useless. It can even be counterproductive for you to practice that thought.

So if I tell you that I love my body and that that’s an amazing thought for you to think. You try on that thought, and you think the thought I love my body, but it doesn’t feel good to you, it’s because there’s this underlying thought, like yeah, but that’s not really true. That’s the thought that you’ll reinforce if you practice a thought that you don’t believe to be actually true for you.

So that’s the problem with just practicing any affirmation that you hear on the internet or elsewhere. So what I want to just remind you of is that when I offer these to you, I like you to think about them as thoughts to borrow. So try them on and see how they feel for you.

I love grabbing other people’s thoughts and borrowing them and keeping them for myself when they feel good. Kind of takes the work out of it. You don’t have to come up with it on your own. You just want to make sure that it does feel good for you.

So as I give you these 10 potentially better feeling thoughts, if any of them feel really good for you, keep them for yourself. If any of them don’t feel so good and like your brain just can’t get on board with them yet, then just forget them. Don’t use them at all.

So with that, I would bookmark this episode or head on over to momonpurpose.com.  You can get the transcript or write them down if you’re in a place where you can write them down. Basically, I think that it would be helpful for you to have these in written form or just come back to this episode so that you have these.

With that, let’s dive into mindset shift number one. Instead of thinking I have too much on my plate right now, try thinking instead, I was made for this. Whenever we tell ourselves that we have too much on our plate right now, it’s a lie. It’s a total lie.

Now we can choose to do less, or we can choose to do more, or we can choose to do the exact same amount, but it’s always a choice. When we tell ourselves that it’s too much, and we can’t handle it, it’s just a lie. We’ve been handling it. The more that we think we have too much on our plate right now, the more exhausted we feel,  and the more we beat ourselves down.

So with this thought I was made for this. It’s a pivot. It’s a 180 for you to recognize the truth, which is you are amazing and you totally can do this. You don’t have to do any of it. So it’s a much more empowering thought.

Okay, mindset shift number two. Instead of thinking this season of life is just so hard, try thinking, this season is hard and I can do hard things. You’ve heard me talk about living in the and before on the podcast and on Instagram. It can be so powerful because we want to often hold on to the thought that this season of life is hard because we go through our daily life, and we experience the challenges. So it feels very true that it’s hard.

But you can keep that thought and add on something else that is true that lightens the thought. That’s what I’m doing here with, yes, this season is hard, and I can do hard things. So, if you’re up in the middle of the night with littles or you have a teenager who is acting out in ways that you wouldn’t choose for them. Either way acknowledge yes, I want to think of this as hard, but this is like the Yale of my life. This is the Harvard of mindset work. Like bring it on. I can do hard things. I was made for this.

Okay, mindset shift number three. Instead of thinking it’s not fair that my husband doesn’t help in the way I need him to try thinking we each contribute to our household in different ways, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.

So often I coach y’all in Grow You about fairness. Whenever we want the game to be fair, we always create resistance because it’s not fair. It’s never fair, and that’s okay. So what you want to do is find a new way of thinking about it.

One way that I like to think about it is yeah, we each contribute in different ways. His way is supposed to be different than my way. I have strengths that might be his weaknesses, and I have weaknesses that are his strengths. So we each contribute to our household in different ways, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Another way of thinking about this and shifting your mindset when you’re thinking it’s not fair and my partner, my spouse, isn’t pulling his weight is to change the game. So if you think that the game is fairness, meaning each adult in the household is supposed to contribute fairly, you sort of set yourself up for failure because you’re looking for the fairness. You’re looking to make sure that the other person is doing the same amount that you’re doing.

I say, and this is what I do in my household, make the game something that you want to win and you want to do the most of. So I look at it as I want to contribute the most in my household, and that’s how I win. That’s the game. So I don’t look for fairness. I look for how can I contribute more because that’s how I win this game. I’m telling you. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s life changing. It’s just a simple mindset shift.

Shift number four. Instead of thinking, the mornings are such a struggle to get everyone out the door.  I coach a lot of you on morning challenges, getting babies, getting kids, getting yourself out the door. The mornings are such a struggle to get everyone out the door. Try thinking when my kids struggle, they’re learning life lessons. I can show up in a way that’s loving and supportive without mirroring their struggle.

So often we see our six year old struggling to put on her clothes and decide what to wear and be ready for the day, and we mirror that struggle. We then struggle about her struggle. Instead, let’s do the reframe my daughter is learning a big life lesson right now. She’s learning how to get dressed. She’s learning how to pick out her clothes. She’s learning how to get ready in the morning. She’s supposed to be struggling a little bit. Better now than when she’s in college or she’s 30 years old. And I can love her and support her without also struggling too.

Mindset shift number five. Instead of thinking my sister-in-law shouldn’t have acted that way. It was really inconsiderate. Try thinking I’m sure my sister-in-law had a good reason for doing what she did. So often I’m helping y’all with the sister-in-law, mother-in-law in-law relationships, and I think it’s because we love our in-laws, and yet, they’re often so different than us. So it’s an opportunity for a lot of mindset and mindfulness work.

In this example, when we identify something that our in-law did that we don’t like or we wouldn’t have done, what we want to do is practice thinking in ways where we give them the benefit of the doubt.

So I don’t know about you, but my brain is not wired that way. I was trained as a lawyer, and my brain is wired to look for mistakes and errors and what’s wrong. This serves me really well in a professional capacity. It doesn’t serve me so well in my personal life.

So I’ve done a lot of work on getting out of other people’s business, as Byron Katie calls it, and redirecting my brain so that I think thoughts like I’m sure they had a really good reason for doing what they did, and I don’t have to understand it. I don’t even have to agree with it. That’s their business. Letting go of other people’s choices, like giving it back to them.

Mindset shift number six. Instead of thinking, I never have any me time, and it’s exhausting. Try shifting your definition of me time. So it might sound like I define what me time is, and I can enjoy alone time in the shower. That can be time for me. Even if you have little ones like in the bathroom. Oftentimes, I’m showering and RJ’s like right there on his play mat in the bathroom. You’re still the one in the shower.

Or it might not be in the shower. I know for a lot of you, it’s when you’re driving or you’re picking kids up. Maybe you do get a little walk by yourself. Whatever it is, I think a lot of times we put pressure on ourselves to have the me time we had when we were single and without kids, or when we were a lot younger or in college or something like that.

I want you to redefine me time. Say yes, I hope that there’s a day in the future where my me time is more expansive and greater like it used to be, but right now I have me. I have my mind. I have my body, and I can enjoy this two minutes of alone time in the car. I can enjoy this a long time in the shower because I define what me time is. That’s been really helpful for me.

Mindset shift number seven. Instead of thinking I can’t believe I did that. I know better. My kids deserve better. Try thinking I’m half amazing and half mess, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m the exact mom my kids are supposed to have.

I was coaching one of our beautiful Grow You members who has eight kids the other day. Six of them have already left the home, and two of them are older. I think teenagers. She was beating herself up a little bit. She kept coming back to, “Well, no. I really did do a good job. I’m an amazing mom.” She was looking for evidence of that. That seems like such a good thought to look for how amazing you are as a mom.

I think that, to some extent, it can be helpful, but not when you do it in a way that assumes that you shouldn’t have any mistakes. In a way that assumes that you shouldn’t be part mess. Because that’s a little bit of perfectionism. It’s like saying I’m supposed to do it perfect all of the time.

That’s where we get into that default thinking of when we do make mistakes, it’s I can’t believe I did that. I know better. My kids deserve better. I’m failing. Then we go swing the full other way. No, I did do a good job. On the greater scale, I am a good mom. You’re kind of going back and forth between the two.

I say just accept that you are a human being, which means that you are half amazing and half mess, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m the exact mom my kids are supposed to have. I love thinking that. I also love thinking this about other people, other moms, and their kids.

So I like to think that child has the exact parents they’re supposed to have. My kids have the exact parents they’re supposed to have. It feels so much better to think that than to try to control.

I was giving an example on a Grow You call about how when I first took RJ to his, I think it was his first pediatrician appointment. I had him in his carrier. No blanket on him. No hat. Just he was in the carrier. He had a onesie on but that was it. There were two moms in front of me in the pediatricians office, and their babies had on hats and blankets.

I immediately had a little bit of mom guilt. Like, oh my gosh, I messed this up. I’m supposed to have a blanket and had on him at all times like regardless of the temperature, apparently. I had to bring it back in and just remind myself, I’m a new at this. I’m learning. Maybe this is part of the half mess. I probably won’t make this mistake again, and it’s totally fine. Instead of I can’t believe I did that. I know better. RJ deserves better. Sort of having this low grade disapproval of myself.

So for you, when you’re making mistakes, just remind yourself that, yes, you’re making mistakes. You’re half mess, and you’re half amazing. So once you make a mistake, you might correct the mistake, and then not make that mistake again, but you will make another mistake. That’s just life. That’s just part of being human, and that’s totally okay. When you accept it, it’s not that you stopped caring. It’s that you care, but in a way where you let go of being so harsh and critical. You really drop into self-compassion and self-love.

Mindset shift number eight. Instead of thinking I have so much mom guilt about taking time for myself try thinking I’m a human not a robot. When I do things for myself, I reenergize. This is a good thing, and it makes me a better woman. It also makes me a better mom, and just show up better in my life.

Whenever we think that taking time for ourselves is selfish in a bad way and whenever we feel mom guilt about it, it’s typically coming from the underlying belief that we are supposed to give 100% of us to our families at all times, which is a lie.

I love giving the examples of dads versus moms. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but just very generally here it can be useful I think. It is for a lot of my clients, and I know it has been for myself. Where I look at dads and dad guilt and how that’s not a thing, and how when they do things for themselves, they don’t do it from a place of thinking that they’re taking away from the family. Instead, this is just what they’re doing. Part of their lives is full of family and part of it is taking care of themselves and part of it is with friends or work or whatever it is.

So, as women and moms, I think there’s still so much work to be done here because I think a lot of us carry around this thought that I am supposed to be giving 100% of my energy to my family. Anything less is something that I should feel guilty about. Let’s just get rid of that. Let’s normalize, no, I’m a human being. I do things for myself, and that’s a good thing. I’m energized. I’m living my life with more purpose. I feel better. I’m more whole.

Of course that has the side effect of you show up better for your family. That’s not the purpose. That’s not the reason why you want to take care of yourself. You want to do it just for you, but that will be sort of the side effect that comes from it.

Mindset shift number nine. My anxiety is driving me crazy. I just want it to go away. Try thinking instead I’m open to feeling all my emotions, including anxiety. So whenever I’m coaching on anxiety, typically, the client wants anxiety to go away, like yesterday. The way that you actually decrease and reduce anxiety is by opening up to it and watching it. You allow it to be there.

I give the analogy of having a best friend come over and visit, and you welcome her into your home. Think about that analogy for all of your feelings and get into your body. Today we are talking about mindset shifts, but really, mindfulness includes so much more than just the mindset. It includes embodiment and what’s going on in the body and present living.  The way that you really allow your anxiety to move through you and not be so debilitating and not become greater is to welcome it, feel it, become the watcher of it.

Now, of course, I’m talking about the feeling of anxiety that’s caused from your thinking. I’m not talking about a chemical imbalance where you would definitely need to get medication or see a psychiatrist or something like that.

Mindset shift number 10. Instead of thinking I try so hard and I’m at my limit. I feel like I’m failing as a mom. Try thinking instead making mistakes is part of being a mom. I’m trying my best, and I can do it differently next time. Why this works is because I see so many of us. I say us because I’m not immune to this at all. I experience it as well.

We want to show up as the best version of ourselves, and we want to try hard and improve. And yet, when we do it from a place of thinking that we are failing, it feels terrible. Instead, what you want to do is come from the premise that you are a human, and humans make mistakes. All humans make mistakes. As a mom in that role, of course you’re going to make mistakes, but you’re trying and you’re showing up. You’ll win some, and you’ll lose some.

That doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person or whether you’re winning or failing at being a mom. It just means you are a mom. You are a human. We are all making mistakes. We are all failing, but are you using that failure to beat yourself up and be hard on yourself? Or are you using that failure to learn and to grow?

I think that you can have a lot of fun this way, but it takes a lot of mindset work. So I know you’re up for the challenge. I know you are someone who cares about this or you wouldn’t be listening. So I want you to consider making the shifts, try the different thoughts on, see if they feel good to you. Keep them if they do. If they don’t, just forget them or come up with your own.

But this is how you start to show up differently is you create a practice. We go much deeper into it, obviously, inside Grow You, but take these and get started with shifting from your default thinking to shifting to who you want to be as a mom. I’m telling you, you’ll feel so much better, and you’ll see your life in a completely different way without anything in your circumstances changing. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m so grateful for it.

Thank you so much for being here. One million downloads. Can you believe it? This is amazing. You are amazing. I love you and I will talk with you next week.

If you loved this podcast, I invite you to check out Grow You, my mindfulness community for moms where we do the inner work together. Head on over to momonpurpose.com/coaching to learn more.