There’s this unspoken culture out there that says, “to be a good mom, you have to worry about your kids.”
But what if this isn’t true?
And instead of worrying, by focusing on who you want to be as a mom, you end up serving your family so much better.
That’s what I teach and while it may seem impossible not to worry (and maybe even irresponsible), I promise you it’s the opposite—it’s freedom from the crippling anxiety that worry creates. It’s also the added bonus of an empowering mindset to show up as the mom you want to be.
If this sounds amazing, keep reading. I’ll show you how.
Part 1: Where worry comes from
The first step is to see that worry doesn’t actually come from where you think it comes from.
If you’re like most of us (and I’m including myself here before I knew about this), you likely think that worry comes from all the things happening outside of you—what’s going on with your kids, what’s happening in the world, etc.
But the truth is the opposite.
Worry is a feeling that comes from your thinking.
You think a thought and that thought creates worry.
You’re not worried because of your husband’s job, for example, you’re worrying because of what you’re THINKING about your husband’s job.
This isn’t semantics. It’s everything.
Part 2: Your current mindset (on default)
The next step is to take a look at what you’re currently thinking, i.e. your mindset.
Specifically, what are the thoughts that you think that create so much worry?
Examples of thoughts that can create worry:
- I’m afraid my daughter isn’t going to make friends at her new school.
- I don’t know what’s going to happen if my husband loses his job.
- I’m concerned about my son playing so many video games.
These are just a few random examples. For you, it may be something completely different.
The thoughts you think about create the beliefs you have and the mindset you live from. Whatever you’re thinking about is what creates all the worry you feel. So, accessing these thoughts is key to your success.
Part 3: Creating a more empowering mindset
Once you know where you’re starting from (Part 2), you can create a more empowering mindset for the future (this is where you want to go).
Think of it like a GPS with a starting point and destination point. You need both.
When you think about the empowering mindset you want to have, it’s not about being positive about something that’s concerning for you, but it is about taking back emotional responsibility and choosing a more supportive way to think about it.
For example, if you’re worried about your son not hitting a growth milestone, it’s not that you want to go to the place of “this is amazing and I don’t need to worry at all!” but instead find a thought that’s loving, supportive, and empowering. An example might be, “given how my son is developing, I’m going to help him navigate this by loving him and getting him the additional support he needs from a medical professional.”
The key to creating your empowering mindset is to ask yourself, “given these circumstances, who do I want to be here?”
This allows you to 1) accept reality, 2) avoid toxic positivity, and 3) stop worrying.
From a place of feeling empowered, there’s no challenge you can’t handle.
Part 4: Practicing the next believable thought
Finally, to get from where you are now (Part 2) to where you want to go (Part 3) you need to create steps to move forward.
Using the analogy of a GPS, this is your route, with stoplights, turns, and rest stops. It’s not a straight shot, but you’ll get there if you keep going.
If your current thought is, “I’m so worried about my daughter’s grades” and your more empowering thought is, “I’m here to support and love my daughter no matter what her grades are” the next step is to create the Next Believable Thought that feels real to you.
The NBT (as I call it) is one of my mindfulness tools I teach in Grow You, my mindfulness community for moms. It will help you move from where you are now to where you want to go, when your dream thought isn’t yet believable. The reason this is necessary is because if you practice a thought you don’t yet believe, your brain will do the opposite and go into more disbelief, which ends up being counterproductive.
A Next Believable Thought is a thought that feels better than your current thought and moves you closer toward your dream thought.
In the example above, a NBT could be, “sometimes I FEEL worried about my daughter’s grades because of what I’m THINKING and that’s okay.” This is helpful because it attributes your worry to your thoughts and helps you take your power back to where you can process the feeling and move forward from it. Once that thought is a belief, you can move on to the next thought.
A Final Note
If you find yourself worrying a lot about your kids, remember—it’s normal in today’s world with so much technology and emphasis on being the perfect parent.
And yet there is a better way, where you can be both empowered AND worry-free.
If you want to take this work to the next level, join me inside Grow You, and I’ll help you navigate the challenges causing you the most worry right now. I’d love to help relieve you of some of the worries you’re carrying. Xo