Comparing yourself to others is a normal human response.
Your brain just wants to make sure you’re a part of the “pack” (whether that’s the pack of moms at school or your family or something else).
And in some ways there are benefits to this because you can get a sense of what your peers are doing.
But for the most part—as you likely already know—comparison can cause a lot of negative effects on your well being.
Modern technology and social media habits allow us 24/7 access to how other people are doing and this can cause you to compare yourself with others even more.
The effect of comparing yourself with others is that you end up feeling more insecure, envious, and discontented with your life. Comparing yourself with others can even lead to increased anxiety and depression.
So, today I have a post for you about how you can stop comparing yourself with others (and feel a heck of a lot better instead!).
- Related: Your Inner Coach And Inner Critic (podcast)
How To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
When you learn how to stop comparing yourself with others, you end up happier, more fulfilled, more appreciative, and more confident.
You’re not stuck in scarcity, thinking that everyone else has what you can’t have, and instead, you have the belief in yourself that you love your life and the future is yours to create.
One of the biggest perks of stopping comparing yourself with others is that you truly do shift out of scarcity and move into abundance—this means you move out of fear based thinking and into possibility based thinking. And that is where the magic happens.
Here’s how you can get started…
Tip 1: Do a social media detox
Social networks provide so much modern day opportunity for connection. Yet when overdone, they can increase your tendency to compare yourself with others.
For example, if you’re scrolling for hours, you’ll likely find it hard not to focus on what other people are doing. You’ll care more about what they’re doing (focusing on the wrong person) and less about what your life looks like, over-emphasizing their wins and minimizing your own.
One of the best ways to limit social media is to have a detox time every week where you’re off all your platforms. This might be every Sunday for the full day or it might be every evening after 7:30pm. You can decide what works best (there’s no “right” way), so play around and see what feels best to you.
You’ll likely feel so much more centered with a little space between you and social.
- How Social Media Affects Mental Health (blog post)
- Reducing Social Media (podcast)
- How To Live An Intentional Life (free course)
Tip 2: Unfollow anyone who sparks negativity for you
Aside from doing an actual detox, you can (and should) unfollow anyone who really makes it hard for you to manage your mind around.
You know that one person who you always see and immediately feel bad after looking at their page? Unfollow that person immediately.
- Related: Pulling Yourself Out Of Negativity (podcast)
Tip 3: Believe in “win-win” thinking
Our brains are naturally wired for scarcity, thinking that there has to be a “winner” and a “loser.”
What I’ve learned in my studying of the brain is that the opposite is actually true—you can have two winners.
Instead of thinking, “she did XYZ and I can’t,” it’s thinking, “she did XYZ and that’s proof I can, too.”
This “win-win” thinking creates more connection and possibility instead of separation and negative comparison.
- How To Have Better Relationships (blog post)
- Separation Vs. Connection (podcast)
- Online Business (free course)
Tip 4: Give yourself self validation
When we depend on other people for our own validation, we can become addicted to the “hit” we get from attention.
Instead, what I teach is a concept called Self Validation. Instead of looking for other people to validate yourself, you validate yourself.
It’s a bit like getting to know yourself as if you were dating yourself. You give yourself praise, spend time with yourself, and take yourself on dates.
This way of loving yourself will “fill up your cup” so you’re less likely to feel insecure with others.
- Fall In Love With Yourself (blog post)
- Your Self Love Tank (podcast)
- Motivational Email (free weekly email)
Tip 5: Stay out of other people’s business
There are three types of businesses according to Byron Katie: 1) your business, 2) other people’s business, and 3) God’s business (natural disasters, etc.).
When you’re in other people’s business, you focus so much on what other people think, that you forget to think about what you think. When you live in other people’s business, you feel bad.
The more you can redirect your thoughts back to your business (your thoughts, feelings, and actions), the better off you’ll be with managing your own mental health.
- Related: Self Identity (podcast)
Tip 6: Focus on what you can control
When you try to control the world and other people, you wind up feeling powerless. This is because you can’t control other people or the world, so it’s a fruitless endeavor.
When you’re comparing yourself with others, wishing things were different than they are, you’re arguing with reality, which is always a losing battle that will leave you feeling frustrated.
Instead, you can accept the way things are and focus on what you can control—you.
Your time and energy are best spent choosing your thoughts, feelings, and actions intentionally, so you create the exact dream life you want for yourself (this is what my entire podcast is about—Design Your Dream Life).
- How To Stop Self Sabotaging Thoughts (blog post)
- Believing New Thoughts (podcast)
- 75 Journal Prompts For Self Discovery (freebie)
Tip 7: Accept that everyone is half amazing and half mess
When we compare ourselves with others, we do so with the thinking that they have something that is “better” than us—whether it’s more money, more love, more joy, more fulfillment, more fill-in-the-blank.
What we miss when we do this is that every single human is really half amazing and half mess. We all have problems. We all have accomplishments. We all have challenges. We all have wins.
Real life isn’t just want you see in the media—it’s the part that you don’t see, too.
- How To Start A Gratitude Journal (blog post)
- Masculine Energy Vs. Feminine Energy (podcast)
- Grow You (virtual life coaching program)
A Final Note!
I’ve grown to realize that one of the best ways to enjoy my own life is to redirect my thoughts away from negatively comparing myself to others. This work has transformed my mindset, making it so much easier for me to find inspiration to lead my life.
Aside from everything I’ve listed above, I find that when I practice gratitude, I amplify my own appreciation for life (typically I do this by gratitude journaling with my 75 Journal Prompts For Women And Moms).