It can feel hard to focus on the positives of being a mom because of the human brain. The brain looks for the negative in order to protect. Yet, in doing so, it finds and focuses on the negative. In our modern suburban homes we don’t need “protected” in the way the brain is constantly scanning for danger and focusing on the “bad.” Because of this survival function of the brain, it’s hard to focus on the positives, or at least it’s not the default.

So, rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you if you tend to focus on the negative from time to time. It’s actually very normal.

To overcome this part of the brain you can “re-train it” by intentionally choosing to focus on the positives. This way of reprogramming your mind allows you to focus on the positives of being a mom in a way that’s genuine to you.

10 Ways To Focus On The Positives Of Being A Mom

There isn’t a one-size fits all type of practice to focus on the positives. That’s why I’m including 10 ways you can do it.

There are many ways to focus on the positives of being a mom, any of which will help you feel more uplifted about your role.

1. Practice your own self care so you can give from a full cup.

It’s easier to focus on the positives of being a mom if you feel like your needs are met. While self care likely looks different as a mom than it did pre-kids, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In fact, your kids are even more of a reason to make sure you practice self care.

The way I teach self care is that there are six types, which allows you to get more specific with what you need and when.

CLICK HERE to learn the six different types of self care.

2. Go on a love rampage.

Get out a pen and piece of paper. Number the page to 25. Write down 25 things you love about being a mom. Anything from the way your kids look at you to the family you’ve built to the amazing pancakes you learned how to make—there’s nothing too big, nor too small.

Why this works: it intentionally focuses your brain on what’s good. Since your brain naturally looks for what’s wrong, this is a way to redirect it, on purpose, towards the positive.

For added impact, you can do this daily as part of a morning routine so that you consistently train your brain to focus on what you love about being a mom.

3. Give yourself praise by attaching it to a habit.

The hardest part about practicing positivity is making it a “practice.” One of my favorite ways to overcome this is by attaching something to a habit you already do. For example, you probably brush your teeth in the morning and at night. This isn’t something you have to think about. It’s a habit. You can attach something that’s not yet a habit to this practice, to make it a habit. You might look yourself in the eyes while brushing and give yourself one compliment or praise about being a mom. This can turn into an easy and doable self love practice that leaves you feeling more fulfilled and positive about motherhood.


4. Ask your friends what is their favorite thing about motherhood.

A fun way to get out of your own head and get some perspective is to hear from your friends what they enjoy about motherhood. Instead of the usual “connect of our shared problems” flip the script and ask them what they love about being a mom. What is their favorite thing about motherhood? Then write down all the answers you get. Keep it in a note on your phone or a piece of paper near your bed. Then review their words for positive encouragement when you need it most.

5. When you have a negative thought, counter it with an “and” statement.

Your mindset determines whether you feel positive, so turning a negative statement into one that feels just as true but more positive, can be helpful.

For example, if you have the thought “this is hard” you can add on to it “…and I can do hard things.” Another example is the thought, “today was a really hard” and adding on “…and we all made it through; tomorrow is another day to try again.”

You still validate your experience, so it isn’t toxic positivity, but you decide on purpose how to think that feels more empowering to you, and ultimately shapes your perception and experience of motherhood.


6. Unfollow social accounts that negatively portray motherhood.

In the moment, connecting over common challenges can be really helpful to feel “not alone.” But taken too far, seeing challenges and problems in your face all the time (particularly every time you open social media) will only make it harder for you to focus on the positives of being a mom.

For that reason, I suggest unfollowing negative and/or sarcastic social media accounts. This way, you don’t have the idea to focus on the bad every time you open your favorite social app.

7. Read (or listen) to a positive book about motherhood.

With time being a limited resource, it can feel like there’s never enough—especially when it comes to learning or extra books/podcasts. Yet, setting up a system where it doesn’t take any extra time can actually be the difference in feeling positive about motherhood or not. For example, if you set up an Audible account or your podcast app to queue up some favorite books and/or podcasts, any time you’re getting ready, in the car, cleaning, or doing other things, you can hit play and get that positive input in your ear (and mind).

I do think often and there’s a huge benefit. I stay more connected to my values, more intentional, and overall experience greater happiness—all from positive input.


8. Focus on connection over correction.

There is so much “correcting” in motherhood through teaching manners and holding boundaries (example: when your child is putting their feet on the table at a restaurant, you correct them).

Because of this, it can be tempting to fall into the trap of focusing so much on correction that the connection is secondary or lacking all together.

Over time, a lack of connection means the relationship is more transactional. Eventually, kids grow up and leave the home and if there wasn’t connection, then there won’t be anything to maintain the relationship.

If you want more connection with your kids, focus on it now. Find small ways (such as 1:1 special time) to get into their world, learn about them, and connect with them. This, compounded over time, will have a huge payoff.

What you’ll notice, too, is that you’ll feel more connected internally, which will make you enjoy motherhood more.

9. Work on your mindset.

Looking at your thoughts and beliefs will show you exactly why you feel how you feel. It can be tempting to think it’s “this season” or “this child” or something else that create your feelings. But the truth is that feelings are always created from thoughts. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have those feelings, but it does mean that by noticing you’re the creator of them, you can accept them and choose differently in the future.

CLICK HERE to download the podcast directory (and get the best mindset podcast episodes to listen to.)

10. Join a positive community for moms.

Grow You is my mindfulness community for moms, that helps thousands of women navigate the challenges of motherhood from the inside out. There are classes, workshops, written and group coaching, a library of resources, and a private podcast to make it easy to access and listen to on the go. If you want to have positivity in your ear on a regular basis, this was made for you. Clients see improvements in their parenting, marriages, self love, and overall mental and emotional well being within the first 30 days. I’d love for you to join us. Explore the membership here.

A Final Note

While the goal isn’t to feel positive 100% of the time (that would be impossible and aiming for “toxic positivity”) there’s still so much room to be more positive in the normal, day-to-day, where the typical tendency is to focus on what’s wrong, what needs fixed, or what’s not good enough. While this is a normal part of the brain’s function (to notice what’s wrong), we can absolutely override it with a little bit of intentional mindset work. That is the purpose of these 10 ways that show you how to focus on the positives of being a mom.