I probably don’t have to tell you that after having a baby, it can be easy to fall into the comparison trap of what your body used to look like, pre-baby, as well as what other women’s bodies look like. This is something most postpartum women experience. And yet, with some intentionality, you can overcome it so that you’re more connected and appreciative of your body than even before kids. How to appreciate your body after having a baby is something you can learn as a lifelong skill.

Appreciate Your Body After Having A Baby

As a professionally trained and certified life and weight loss coach, I’ve had the privilege of coaching thousands of women with my tools to not only lose weight, but more importantly to feel good in their bodies. Based on my experience with clients as well as my own personal experience becoming a mom, here are seven strategies for appreciating your body after having a baby.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

The natural, default, human brain looks to see what other people are doing as a survival function. Evolutionarily, it was useful to compare what someone else was doing to what you were doing to ensure you were included in the “pack.” What was useful to get us here, though, is no longer useful in our modern lives. We don’t need to make sure someone in our “tribe” is bringing in food, caring for children, or making clothing, etc. Today, this function (as I’m sure you’re well aware) causes us to compare the shapes and sizes of our bodies to an ever-changing, vague standard of what is desirable. Quite obviously, this comparison is not helpful for our survival, and also comes at a great cost to our emotional wellbeing—thinking we’re not good enough, always falling short, and hating our bodies.

All this is to say, it’s normal to compare yourself to others because of the brain. Understanding this can be a way to have compassion for yourself, knowing that all healthy human brains on default, compare. The key phrase being “on default.” Meaning, you can redirect your brain to stop comparing yourself to others. This is a skill you can get really good at, simply by practicing new, intentional thoughts. This is the work we do inside Grow You, my wellness community for moms. When you train your brain to stop comparing yourself, you feel so much better about yourself, have greater self confidence, and can appreciate the skin you’re in.

2. Embrace the bad AND the good.

It’s common to hear experts prescribing positive affirmations to have more body confidence, but if you’ve ever tried this, you know it doesn’t work long term. Your brain will come back with “yeah, but what about…[fill in the blank with whatever critique of the day your brain offers you]. This is why I suggest embracing the “good” and the “bad” parts of your body. When your brain offers you a critique, embrace it and add on something positive that you believe to be true.

For example, I’ve struggled to like my legs and describe myself as bottom-heavy, where I carry more of my weight. Instead of trying to negate this as untrue with thoughts like “oh that’s nonsense I have great legs” I allow it to be true but add on something positive. For example, I might say “it’s true I don’t always like my legs, and what’s also true is I always love my arms.”

When you embrace both the bad and the good, it balances out your attention so that you’re not just focused on what you don’t like, but instead are focused on what you do like.

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3. Take the morality out of your body.

Have you noticed the tendency to make body sizes and shapes a moral issue? When one body is “good” and one is “bad” this makes it moral; like we’re talking about stealing or doing something we want to believe is wrong based on our value system.

When you think your body is wrong, you end up shaming yourself, which not only doesn’t work to change your body, but often has the opposite impact of making you overeat and self-sabotage so you don’t change your body at all (this is because shame leads to hiding).

There are no good bodies, nor no bad bodies—there are just bodies of all shapes and sizes. Take the morality out of it. Your body just is. It’s doing the best that it can, and that is good enough. Even if you want to change it, changing it from acceptance is much more impactful.

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4. Remind yourself about the awesomeness of having a baby.

Your body has gone through enormous changes to bring new life into this world. It’s undoubtedly one of life’s real miracles. And you are a part of that process. Don’t let this profound experience be lessened just because you wish your body looked or felt different. You can want to change your body and appreciate it as it is now. Most people want to change from lack (“I hate my body so I want to change it”) but you can also change from abundance (“I love my body and I want to change it”). Changing from appreciating your body gives you space to feel good now, which actually leads to longer long-term results.

Start appreciating your body by reminding yourself about the incredible feat your body went through bringing life into this world. Remind yourself of this as much as you need to hear it for it to sink in, even as a daily practice. You’re worth this type of daily devotion!

5. Audition clothes for your body, not the other way around.

When you try on clothes, instead of seeing if you fit the clothes, have the mindset that the clothes are auditioning for your body. If you don’t fit into the clothes, it’s a problem with the clothes, not a problem with your body. It’s all too common to assume the opposite—that if something doesn’t fit, it’s a problem with your body. This creates disconnection from your body and an inner-self talk that something is wrong with you, which leads to shame. It’s no wonder women struggle to love their bodies! We’re measuring up to some random, standard clothing size that doesn’t consider the variety of actual bodies.

6. Start following body positive social media accounts.

Because social media is a part of our everyday lives, following accounts that are uplifting and help you become who you want to be is a great way to appreciate your body without much additional effort on your part. At the same time, unfollowing accounts that are too sarcastic or negative of body image is just as important. Even if that’s not the creator’s intent, if it’s an account that’s triggering to you or leads to the comparison trap, unfollow it. It’s not worth feeling bad about yourself! You can turn social media into an uplifting space, just by doing this.

7. Be on the same team as your body.

If your body could talk, what would she say about the way you treat her? Do you talk badly about her behind her back? Do you compare her to other bodies? Do you think she’s not good enough? Or do you praise her, love her, and treat her like a best friend?

When you personify your body, it brings to light how you’re not your body, but instead are the soul within your body. This means you have a relationship with your body that is not who you are. The way you think about your body is your relationship to it. Now that you know this, what you can do is intentionally decide what you want to think and how you want to feel about your body, to create a relationship grounded in love and appreciation.

Decide on purpose what you want to think about your body and practice those thoughts daily.

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A Final Note

Appreciating your body after having a baby can feel impossible at times, and yet, it’s work worth doing because your body is with you from your first breath until your last. What a gift to give yourself that you more than deserve, mama! You got this, my friend.