I am such a happier, healthier, and more confident mom because of mindset coaching. I’m consistently using mindset coaching tools to help me navigate challenges and show up as the empowered mom I want to be. This doesn’t mean it’s still not challenging (especially with two under two), but it does mean that instead of feeling stuck, I have strategies and practices to help me.
Mindset Coaching Has Helped Me Become a Better Mom
There are 10 specific ways that mindset coaching has helped me become a better mom.
I don’t yell.
I used to be a yeller. I yelled a lot. I grew up with parents who yelled, and it was what was modeled to me as a child. I used to think this is just “who I was.” Mindset tools helped me stop yelling because they showed me the root cause of yelling (reacting to anger) and exactly how to solve it (process anger and allowing it). Not only that, but I reshaped my identity as someone who doesn’t yell. I didn’t even know this was possible before doing this work.
I can help my family feel their feelings.
I’m so much better equipped as a mom to help my kids and spouse feel their feelings instead of avoiding or reacting to them. Practically, this means I’m able to help my kids through the most challenging tantrums and work through hard moments in my marriage.
As a family, we do an activity at night where we name our top emotions from the day. This helps increase emotional awareness so that feelings are welcomed—even the negative ones!
There’s no point at which my kids will stop feeling anger or frustration, so helping them feel their feelings at home is something that will help them through the rest of their lives.
I don’t feel as much mom guilt.
Mom guilt is a cultural norm for modern motherhood, but it doesn’t have to be that way. By learning the real cause of guilt (that it’s a feeling created by my thoughts), I’m better able to process the feeling and think more deliberately. It doesn’t mean I never feel mom guilt, but instead of feeling it constantly, it’s pretty rare. This is only possible for me because of the mindset work I do on an ongoing basis. I would have a lot more mom guilt otherwise.
Overwhelm is in the back seat.
Daily life as a mom can feel so overwhelming. It’s not because what’s happening creates the overwhelm. It’s because of the way the human brain interprets a lot of stimulation. When you have littles at home, I don’t have to tell you that it’s very overstimulating. The way out of this is to learn how to process overwhelm (instead of indulging in it) and coach yourself ahead of time with different expectations.
For example, I know that my house is going to be noisy, messy, and feel chaotic. I plan on that. This is what I expect. From here, it’s not so overwhelming because my expectations are much lower. There are still times when I feel overwhelmed and when that happens, I process the feelings, allowing them, without making them mean something has gone wrong.
This is a life-changing skill. It’s amazing.
I don’t constantly feel like I’m failing as a mom.
Inside Grow You, I have a Motherhood Toolkit where I teach how to create your own expectations of success and failure so you can actually evaluate how you’re doing as a mom. I can’t tell you how many times I use this framework instead of what my default brain wants to do, which is constantly think I’m failing based on what other moms are doing or how my kids are behaving. Instead, I have a clear set of standards that help me shape who I want to be, knowing that I’m a human mom who is half mess and half amazing. This allows me to give myself so much more grace.
Comparison is at bay.
One of the worst traps of modern motherhood is the comparison trap. Mindset coaching helps me recognize when I’m focused on what other moms are doing in a toxic way, so I can shift back to confidence and connection.
While it’s so natural to compare, that doesn’t have the be the driving force when you see other moms doing it differently. This is the freedom that comes with mindset coaching. It’s peace of mind knowing that you’re doing enough.
- Related: Overcoming Negative Self Talk As A Mom (podcast)
My marriage is stronger.
Because I’m better equipped to navigate the challenges of motherhood, I show up in my marriage with more to give. Instead of feeling resentment or anger, I feel connected, like my husband Steve and I are on the same team.
When all your time, energy, money, and other resources go to your kids, there’s nothing left to give to your marriage. Knowing this, I decidedly give attention and other resources to my marriage. Why? Because it matters!
Working on marriage doesn’t mean there’s something wrong; it means you care. Inside Grow You, there’s a Marriage And Relationship Toolkit to help you feel. more connected in your marriage. Learn more about Grow You here.
I let go of trying to control.
The old school way of parenting is based on behavior modification and control. “I tell you what to do to be a ‘good kid’ and you should do it.” This ignores a child’s agency and autonomy. Not to mention it doesn’t create a great parent-child relationship. The alternative isn’t to let your kids do anything and everything. The alternative is to focus on who you want to be while respecting your kids, holding boundaries, validating their feelings, teaching them what you want to teach them, and loving them.
The difference seems subtle but it’s everything, and it’s made a huge difference for me personally as a mom. For example, when my son wants more screen time and the answer is no, I can take away the screen in order to help him with the boundary, but not as a form of punishment. My delivery will be softer, kinder, and more compassionate when I do this from love and confidence compared to doing it from control (“you should listen to me” ie: do exactly what I tell you to do).
When you learn how to parent out of love and strength instead of out of control, your experience (how it feels for you to parent) completely changes. You no longer feel so out of control yourself and instead feel empowered.
For more on the topic of Parenting, listen to these podcasts:
- How To Help A Struggling Child
- Connection Over Correction With Your Kids
- 10 Mindset Tips For Meltdowns And Tantrums
- Building A Connection Bank With Your Kids
- If You Don’t Like Playing With Your Kids
- When Kids Don’t Follow The Rules
Problem behaviors are easier to navigate.
By using mindset tools in my everyday life, I’m better equipped to navigate problem behaviors with my kids. For example, I don’t make their behavior mean anything about me. If my oldest son is acting out or not listening, I lean into what that’s about for him (his thoughts, feelings, and actions). I don’t center myself, thinking it’s “at” me. Instead, I have the mindset, “this isn’t about me” which in turn, helps me help him.
When you manage your mind, parenting becomes more manageable and less exhausting because you’ve taken care of yourself and feel more secure in your decisions.
I feel supported and seen.
It’s easy to feel unsupported and not feel seen in modern motherhood. It can often feel like you’re “alone” even if you’re surrounded by family or a support system. Mindset coaching tools have helped me know that I’m never alone, even when it feels like it. And that while my feelings are valid, I can (and should) ask for help when I need it. This wasn’t intuitive for me and is still something I work on, but using self coaching mindset tools makes it possible to do just that.
If you want to feel more supported and seen, join Grow You and you’ll be met with so much support from the women in our community doing this work.
A Final Note
Mindset coaching tools have undoubtedly helped me manage the load of motherhood in a way that I never would’ve been able to otherwise. While there are still challenges, I’m better equipped to navigate them with confidence, connection, and love.
If there is one thing I recommend to help go from “fine” to thriving in motherhood, it’s mindset. It’s the root cause of so many challenges and by having an empowered mindset, you can show up as the mom you were meant to be.