Over the last three years, I’ve used life coaching tools in my own life to change it in ways I couldn’t have ever predicted.
It’s been more than changing my life—it’s been transforming it.
I’ve become a completely different person with my relationships, money, business, and self care.
In this episode, I’m sharing my personal journey applying life coaching tools to my life, so you can see what a difference they can make.
Here are my favorite resources to go with this podcast:
- What Makes A Great Life Coach (podcast)
- Life Coaching Tools You Can Start Using Right Now (blog post)
- How To Live An Intentional Life (free course)
- Grow You (coaching)
Full How Life Coaching Has Changed My Life Episode Transcript
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Welcome to the podcast. I hope you are doing well. I am recording this at a time where I normally don’t record my podcasts. So it feels like we’re getting to chat at a completely new and different time. I don’t know if you always listen at a certain time, maybe Wednesday morning or something like that, but when ever I record this at a new time or day, it always seems so different.
So here we are. And I’m a little under the weather. I’m recovering from a cold, just part of it, right? Heading into fall a little bit. And we both, Steve and I have just had mild cold. So if my voice sounds a little bit cracky, that is why, but I have big news. If you didn’t see already on Instagram, Steve and I got engaged. So many of you have reached out and sent your congratulations and sent me messages and emails.
Um, so many of you in Grow You. I just want to say, thank you. I read all of them. I appreciate them. I feel so loved and grateful, and this time has really been just so full of love. And if you haven’t seen our picture of it or heard the story, you can go on over to Instagram @NatalieRBacon and how appropriate that today’s topic is, how life coaching has changed my life.
I had planned on doing this topic before we got engaged. So I just think that is meant to be, and I want to talk with you about the breakthroughs that I’ve had in my life from applying these life coaching tools. So when I talk about life coaching, I’m specifically talking about bringing awareness to current belief systems so that you can decide intentionally what kind of life you want to live.
Just like with my clients. I never tell them what to do. Like I don’t specifically say you should do this. I help them see their minds so that they can make the best decision for themselves, right? If they’re not seeing something clearly, if they don’t have the awareness of it, that’s my role as the life coaches, to help them bring awareness to the stories that they’re creating about their lives and help them make the best decision for them. Regardless of my opinion, my opinion has nothing to do with it.
So when it’s applied to me, I get to be the decider and how this has worked for me in the last few years is that I kind of break it up into two different categories of how life coaching has really helped me. It’s helped me manage my emotions, do what I call end the unnecessary suffering that I was creating.
So just feel better most of the time, right? And of course, I still feel negative emotion, but it’s clean pain instead of dirty pain. I don’t have as much tension and resistance in my relationships. It really just as a more enjoyable way to live it’s on the one side. And then the other way that life coaching has really helped me is that I am able to create my future from my future and achieve results that at one time I would have never even thought to dream about, and I continuously do this, but I do it from a place of loving what is so that I’m not urgently trying to get somewhere over there, which is also really important.
I’m going to go through the specific stories in my life where life coaching has made the biggest differences, because I want these examples to help you to help you understand what life coaching is all about and to help you see what’s possible with life coaching in your life.
But before I do that, I want to make a note about the difference between changing your circumstances and really applying the life coaching tools and changing your results. So your circumstances are what’s happening in the world. Your circumstances are the facts. So it’s a circumstance that I live in Chicago. It’s a circumstance that COVID-19 happened and that, you know, Chicago is still partially shut down, right?
These are circumstances. It’s a circumstance now that I work from home as a life coach now circumstances were once results. So I created the result of becoming a life coach. And then it became my circumstance. Same is true with money at once created the result of having $206,000 of student loan debt. And then when I still had that debt, it then became a circumstance.
So a lot of times with life coaching, it can be a little bit confusing as to whether you are changing your results or circumstances. And the difference is really, really important because changing your circumstances happens when you change something outside of you in the world. So I want to give you the example that I hear a lot, which is your job is so stressful, right? Your job is your circumstance.
So you decide to change your job to relieve the stress. Normally when you change a circumstance, it’s to feel better and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you know, that that’s what you’re doing. But 9.9 times out of 10, what happens is we don’t realize that that’s what we’re doing. We think that it’s the job that’s causing the stress and not our thoughts. So then we take the stress with us. And as long as you know, that you’re the one creating your stress and that you are aware that stress isn’t coming from the job, you can still decide to leave the job.
The point is not to stay in a job that you don’t like. The point is just to have the awareness that that’s what you’re doing. So when you change your circumstance to feel better, you can kind of become addicted to it. You can become what I call a circumstance changer. And I used to do this a little bit more with changing where I lived a lot, I would just change where I lived and I didn’t have the awareness that I was doing it to kind of feel better.
And you can really get addicted to doing this for lack of a better word, where you want to just constantly change your environment and change the people in it so that you feel better. That is not using life coaching tools. You might be making quicker decisions, but you are not living in breakthrough. You’re not creating new results.
You create new results. When you do the hard work of changing your thoughts and feelings, and it won’t feel good immediately. Like when you change a circumstance, typically it feels good immediately because you have different thoughts immediately. And so you say, Oh, I’m not at that job anymore. This feels so much better, right? I’m so relieved.
And what happens is that you will feel that relief at first, but then you still have your same brain. And without life coaching tools, you won’t have the awareness that your thoughts create your feelings. And then you’ll recreate that stress in your life. In some other capacity, whether it’s, if you’re staying at home or you’re working in another job, contrast that with when you change your results and you actually change your thoughts and feelings to get there, you basically have a complete identity shift and change who you are.
It is really challenging work, but this is where you get a new result in your life when you do it right? Changing results happens when you believe in new thoughts and feelings, and then you take new actions and it often requires a lot of massive action and a lot of failures. So let’s say you want to stop dating men who habitually treat you poorly and start dating men who treat you the way you want to be treated.
It’s not just going to be about breaking up with your current partner or getting a divorce. It’s actually going to be a lot more challenging than that because you’re going to have to see what thoughts and feelings you have that are creating these relationships. And you’re going to have to transform as a person, to someone who no longer struggles with men. It sounds great. You’re like, yeah, I don’t want to be in relationships anymore with men who aren’t a good fit for me, but it’s so much harder to do it in practice.
So that’s where you’re really changing your results because who you are now is creating the results. Now you’re never creating someone else’s action. So if someone in a relationship with you is yelling at you, you can never be responsible for their actions, but you are responsible for your thoughts and feelings and actions. So you’re responsible for whether you stay, you’re responsible for all of the thoughts and feelings you have in that relationship.
And that’s actually the best news because it means that you can control it. It means that you have power and freedom and you have agency and you can live in breakthroughs and you really can change, right? You know, it’s, it’s the saying, like it’s hard to change or people can’t change. It is hard to change, but it’s definitely not true that people can’t change. You can rewire your brain. Most people just don’t have the awareness that this is what it takes.
They think that it’s the job that’s causing the feelings or the other person that’s causing the feelings. So, you know, he caused me so much pain, right? If we’re talking about emotional pain, that’s not true. You cause your own pain and it might be something that you want to be in pain about. So if you have a spouse who has an affair, most of us don’t want to be happy about that.
We want to be devastated and heartbroken the differences that we take responsibility for how we feel. We don’t take responsibility for his actions, but we take responsibility for our feelings. And that gives us the power to decide, okay, now what adults can do, whatever they want. So now what do we want to do? So those are my examples that I just wanted to share, because I think sometimes people can get confused.
And I know this cause I coach y’all in Grow You. And a lot of you want to change your circumstances to feel better, and you can do that, but you just need to see that that’s what’s happening and that you will recreate your feelings. So you want to clean up your feelings before you change any circumstances. And really you want to be focusing on changing your thoughts and feelings and living in the breakthrough.
So I’m going to go through my biggest, most transformative examples with you where I’ve really applied these tools to my life. But I want you to be thinking about your own life. And I want you to be thinking about the results that you have right now. So what are your results in your health, in your relationships, with your money and your career with your family? A lot of these will have become circumstances, but you created these results.
And that’s really great news because it means that you can create the same or different results in the future. And keep in mind the emotional work right in the beginning, I mentioned there are two primary ways where I really use life coaching and the one is to feel better and work on that emotional present wellbeing. And the other is to achieve the impossible. So both are really important. And I think it’s harder to live a life where you focus on both. It’s easier to do one or the other I’m committed to doing both. So I want you to be thinking about that for your own life. Do you focus on one more than the other?
The first way where life coaching has really made the biggest difference in my life is that I totally rewrote my past. So before life coaching, I used to think that I came from a broken home and was somehow damaged.
I recreated that over and over. So in other words, I lacked confidence and it wasn’t like I was going around saying I’m damaged or I come from a broken home, but it was subtle things where that would have been some unconscious, underlying belief that I really felt because my parents were divorced. And, you know, I grew up with a dad who was an alcoholic that meant something about my capacity and relationships.
I really did believe that. And you see this all over social media, even right. Or in the media in general and blog posts and anything at least I did. And it wasn’t until I really learned about the brain and about neural pathways and rewiring your thinking that there’s no such thing as a damaged person like that thought alone changed my life forever. I mean, just take a step back and think of humans we’re not damaged.
We are whole right. And we all have these different thoughts and we all have these different neural pathways. And because of that, we create different results in our lives. And so anyone who comes from any background can create the result that they want. And I love to look at really famous, successful people who I admire as examples of this, right? Like Tony Robbins or Oprah, and to see how, um, nurturing and balanced and loving and committed to their careers as well as their families that they are. I think it’s a beautiful thing.
And there are so many other examples, but if you’re trying to rewrite your past one way to do it is to look for examples of the opposite from people who, you know, and recognize whether it’s famous people or just people in your own life who have the opposite experience.
The second way that I’ve really transformed over the last kind of five years is in dating and relationships. Right? How fun? I just got engaged before kind of using this work. I used to believe that love came outside of me. My life coach had said, Oh, you were just confused at where love came from. Right? So I thought that love came from men and that I could get hurt that love could hurt me. And when you say that you’re confusing two different things. So love doesn’t hurt.
The feeling of love feels amazing. And you create the feeling of love with your thoughts. So you can feel love anytime you want, when you feel love, when you’re around a certain person, it’s because you’re having thoughts. So for those of you who are married, or you’ve been in really long term relationships, there have probably been seasons where it’s been easier for you to feel love than other seasons. And this is because of your thoughts.
The person is still the same. They may have taken different actions, but you are the one having different thoughts. That’s creating the feeling of love or the feeling of hurt. So the other person doesn’t create the love and they also don’t create the hurt. We create the love and we create the hurt. And when I teach this, I have to be careful to mention again, we don’t want to not feel hurt, right? We want to feel hurt sometimes, especially in those examples I gave like, your spouse has an affair.
We want to feel hurt, right? It’s like when my dad passed away, I wanted to feel heartbroken and sad. We want to feel these emotions. We just want to know that we are the ones creating those emotions. That’s where our power is. So before I learned this, I had repeated relationship patterns that didn’t really serve me.
Right. And we kind of see this with adolescent or younger dating, but sometimes it goes on and doesn’t change. And even sometimes in marriages, right. It doesn’t change. So now I think my greatest work has been that I have cleaned that up, right. I’m in an amazing, healthy, stable, strong, loving, committed relationship that I would generally describe as easy right?
Now of course, that doesn’t mean every day is easy and it’s just rainbows and daisies all the time. But generally speaking, it’s so wonderful. And I had to identify and become someone who was ready for that. Instead of someone who was kind of complaining about dating or connecting with people about how hard dating is, and you can really be attached to your problems so much so that you don’t want to give them up. It’s one of the things we work on in Grow You.
So for me, this is probably the biggest one, the one that I’m most proud of, because I think that it’s the one that was really there for so long, just with my family history. And I did so much work and changed my life forever. I remember I went to a therapist after one of my last relationships ended kind of suddenly several years ago. And she was amazing, right. I had a great therapist. It was really helpful.
And I had started to learn about life coaching tools, right at the end of our work together. And she just looked at me and said, how does it feel to not need to come back anymore? How does it feel to have completed this work? And I just looked at her like, what? I didn’t know, it would be complete. I didn’t know. I could get to this point.
And it was really a breakthrough moment for me. And of course, then the fear comes in. Well, what if I, what if I forget this work? And what if I go back and just have to remember that once your brain expands, it doesn’t go back. Now. It doesn’t mean that you don’t make mistakes, but it does mean that your brain has expanded and that those neuro pathways are there to stay. All right.
The third way that life coaching has really changed my life is with money. I, you know, graduated law school with all that debt. And I just felt stressed with money. I would think that money is tight and that I saw the writing on the wall, that the next 20 years would be spent paying off my student loans. And I would be a stressed out attorney and I’d be working 80 hours.
And I really just thought that that was how it was going to be as a fact. And I am just so grateful for my student loan debt, because I never would have started the blog. I never would have gotten to all of this work and become a life coach. And, um, you know, I don’t know. I paid off my debt in eight years from a really clean place.
I was never in, you know, scarcity with my debt at the end. I just loved it. And I paid it off from the place of knowing it didn’t mean anything about me. And now I feel so clean about my money. I have fun with my money. I know that more money is always coming. I know that I can have a lot of money. I’ve increased my capacity to make, to create, to have and to give money.
One of the things I love is to give money. It feels so good when you do it from a place of generosity and not obligation. That’s something I had no idea was even possible. So a lot of times we give to be fair or whatever the right amount to give or who gave last time. Right. And it’s very calculated, right? That is not giving from a place of generosity, giving from a place of generosity means I want to give because giving feels good and I want to give, I just love giving.
Like I love giving gifts. I love randomly picking up the check. Once I was getting my nails done and this little girl was getting hers done and I paid for hers and I just left and didn’t tell anyone, right. Her mom didn’t know just things like that. And I give to charity and I really like giving now it’s from a place of having enough and not from a place of not feeling worthy.
So a lot of times when you first create a lot of money, you have to be able to hold onto it before you give it or else you will give it all away because you haven’t increased that capacity to have. So I am very comfortable having hundreds of thousands of dollars and holding it and not feeling like I don’t deserve it and giving it away. So you just gotta be careful that you’ve increased that capacity to have before you give. All right.
The next way that life coaching has really made the big difference in my life has been with my business. So before life coaching, I really identified as a hard worker who had a side hustle, like even as an attorney, I have this side hustle, this blog. And I really believed that my time and energy needed to be traded for money. And so I worked all the time.
Now, when I worked on my side hustle, I did it from a place of positive emotion. So a lot of times people talk about hustling and they talk about it as if it is innately a bad thing. Like, Oh, you don’t want to work too much. Like, Oh, don’t, don’t overdo it. You have to be careful with that. What matters is the emotion driving the action? So a lot of people hustle from scarcity and that is what you need to stop. That feels terrible.
When I got up at 4:00 AM and worked on my business before work, when I was a financial planner, I was energized. I was excited. I always like creating my dreams. I never felt burned out. Okay. But what I was doing at that time was I was creating this identity where I had to work and spend time in order to create money.
That was the underlying belief was that you trade time for money. And after I’ve really grown with expanding my beliefs, right. And you would think, Oh, this is business coaching. It is. But it’s also life coaching because it’s the rewiring of my beliefs. So my old belief was you have to use time to create money. And it’s kind of true at first or anyways, because you believe it, you make it true, but there’s only so much time you can trade. Eventually you have to start trading discomfort for money instead.
And that’s what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that I’m not trading time anymore for money I’m training discomfort. It’s the big decisions it’s hiring. It’s working with certain vendors and completing other relationships with vendors. It’s increasing my prices to reflect the actual value. Oh my gosh. One of you, one of my beloved Grow, You members just sent me an email and said she was so happy that I raised the price and she can’t wait until I raise it again.
And it was just a moment where I was so appreciative of her. Now there’s no plans to raise the Grow You price. Again. I can’t even imagine that I feel so grateful. I can help so many women, um, for under a thousand dollars a year, get all of these tools. So I’m really proud of that. That’s why I do it. Otherwise, an hour of coaching would be, you know, a thousand dollars.
So the way I’ve set it up, I can help so many more people this way, but it’s just a reflection of my growth and also her growth when she said that, because what she was saying is that it’s more valuable because I charge more and this isn’t just my opinion. We all think this it’s like, we want to spend more money on nice things. And we think they’re nicer because they cost more.
Just notice this notice what you think about the 99 cent coffee versus the $5 coffee. Now you might like the 99 cent coffee, but notice your other thoughts about it. Like certain things we just automatically think are higher end or more luxurious because they’re more expensive, right? Sometimes they’re the same quality, but oftentimes there will be this added value.
So my goal and my business and my new belief, right from applying these tools is that my value creates money. So I’m always trying to add more value. I constantly add more value to Grow You. I’m always adding bonus courses. I’m always showing up. We have lots of coaches in there. It’s a complete program where I have just constantly been upgrading it, right? And I’m offering that value to the world in exchange for money. So my focus is on that versus I have to trade my time for money and this isn’t just true for business.
It’s also true. If you’re an employee, you want to be careful that you’re not focusing on trading your time for money. If you haven’t listened to the episode, that Value Creates Money Not Time, listen to that because it’s all about how you want to trade your value in the marketplace for money. You’re never trading time. And that is kind of the best tool I can give you for creating money and for creating more money pretty quickly.
You just got to shift that belief. Okay? The next way that these tools have really helped me in my life is with self-love. So before I had these tools, I was always trying to become a better person. Right? And that sounds so innocent. It sounds like a good idea. Let’s become a better person. But what I know now is that it’s not that I ever was any less of a person, right?
I’ve always been valuable. I’ve always been good enough, right? And so old me who thought that love came from other people. I love her. I love past me. I’ve always been worthy. And this shift is so powerful because I’m not running from my past because of it and beating myself up. So this is really subtle, but it’s important.
Especially pay attention. If you’re in Grow You, this is a little bit more advanced. So typically we want to improve ourselves like our worthiness. And so we seek to achieve to do that, or we seek to fill in the blank to become a better. But the truth is, once you really do this work, you realize you’ve been good enough all along that you’ve always been worthy. And that the you who always change your circumstances, totally fine. Love her. The you who dated those guys that didn’t serve you love her. The, you who got into 10 grand of student loan debt, or 10 grand of credit card debt for buying clothes. Love her.
Like, we can love her and we can take different action. I do this a lot with coaching on money and they’ll say, Oh, I was so ridiculous. I gotten all this debt. It was terrible. I shouldn’t have done that. And I’m like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. You had a good reason then. Yeah. Like you really thought that was a good idea. At that time you were doing your best. So let’s love her. Let’s love that version of you and know that you are good enough and you were good enough then, and now you know, different information and you’re going to take different action, but it doesn’t ever make you better or worse based on your achievements, based on what you do.
So you can love your past. You can love your mistakes and you can say, I’m going to do it differently in the future. So the purpose of applying these tools then is to increase your brain capacity. It’s to increase your experiences in life. It’s to expand what you ever thought was possible. It’s not to become better. It’s to see that you already are better.
You always have been and always will be. So when people realize this, they then say, okay, well then why do any of it? And I say, because why not? You get a much fuller life experience. It’s fun. I think it’s much more enjoyable because you also do that first part of the work, which isn’t the goal setting, but you see that you are in control of your emotions and that you can feel any emotion and that no matter what’s going on in the world, you are capable of feeling any emotion that you create.
That is power, that is certainty in an uncertain world. And you only get one life and living in a way that makes you feel better and have a better experience actually makes it a better world, knowing that you don’t have to do any of it to become a better human. You already are. So those are the biggest ways that life coaching has made the difference in my life. I think that along the way I have transformed.
So it’s not just that I changed my circumstances. In fact, it’s mostly that I changed my results. I changed my thoughts and feelings, and I truly believe that I have lived two or three different lives already. And I am just getting started. I could just be one third of the way through life. I can’t even believe that I get to do this a couple more times. So amazing.
And along the way, I’ve learned how to coach myself, how to have my own back, how to achieve these impossible goals, by changing my thoughts and feelings, and also how to rest and to work less and to just be in the world and enjoy my life and myself and my relationships. And it’s brought such an increased confidence that I don’t know how I would have created otherwise, because confidence is an emotion that you create based on your thoughts.
It’s not something that you do, right? When I’m talking about self confidence. And I just love this, and I want this for all of you. That’s why I have shared it with you. I want you to know that you can create any future that you want. You don’t have to repeat your past, but you also can love your past along the way without beating yourself up and being so hard on yourself. So if you want to create that big change, learn how to suffer a little bit less and get a handle on your emotions and your biggest problems in your relationships and achieve those big goals. Come to Grow You. It would be an honor for me to coach you I’ll see you inside.
Hey, if you liked this podcast you really should check out, Grow You, my life coaching program. I coach you on everything I teach on the podcast so that you can uplevel your life. We 10x it so you get the results you want most. Just like a monthly gym membership to get your body in shape, this is a monthly personal development membership to get your mind in shape. It is an investment your future self will thank you for. Check it out at Nataliebacon.com/coaching. That’s Nataliebacon.com/coaching. I will see you there.