Have you ever wondered why people hire a life coach? Some people think they don’t need one, or that they would only work with one if they had an “issue.” Many people think that their life is just fine without one. But life coaching is actually something you should look into when your life is going fine, and this is the hard sell! Because if your life is fine, why would you hire a life coach?
A life coach can help you adapt your mindset to deal with the issues you face in life, and help you make strategic decisions to live a life of fulfillment. They can work with you to see the possibility that lies beyond what you ever thought possible and show you how to move forward to the next stage of your life. So if you feel like your life is just fine right now, then this episode is for you!
Join me on the podcast this week as I talk about the value of working with a life coach and the various ways a life coach can help you gain clarity on the direction of your life. I’m sharing why working with a life coach is the best investment you can make and why I truly believe that everyone should have one. Remember, fine is ordinary, and who wants ordinary?!
Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life Podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.
Welcome to the podcast. I have announcements today. First and foremost, I want to give a shoutout to the new and founding Creator Program students. I know you ladies, you women, are really stepping up and doing the work. I recently released the Coaching Call Standards and I know a lot of you had resistance to them and you all stepped up to do it and I’m so proud of you.
This is the program, for those of you who aren’t familiar or may be new to the podcast, this is my business program. So, it’s where I do all of my coaching and teaching for business. So, a lot of you follow me because you want to create similar results that I’ve created in my business and I’m well aware of that. We do this all the time. I do this. I am a member of other coaching programs and other businesses because I love the mission and the work and I want to do what that leader is also doing.
So, if you’re here for business this is the program that you will want to join. I love one of the emails I just got in, so fun. One of the students said, “I am in love with this program already. After the first lesson I thought, ‘With this I will be making $10,000 a month by this time next year.’ Love you guys so much.”
I got that email and was just so inspired because this program is a portal for everything that I’ve learned and done in my business and it’s actually going to continue to be that way. So, I’m going to constantly add to it and update it and you can stay in the program as long as you want. If you’re here for business that is going to be your best bet. It’s not open right now. Just make sure you’re on our email so you can find out when it opens next.
Grow You is the virtual life coaching program that we have here at nataliebacon.com and it is evolving. It’s evolving into a much more family-focused program really based on where my life is heading. So, there’s lots to come with this and it will really be focused on work/life balance, marriage, kids, a lot of the things that typical 30-something women are facing and want to work with a life coach about.
I know that that can be a question a lot of you write in about and so I just wanted to let you know. Those are the differences. Grow You is for life coaching, Creator Program is for the business coaching. Love both of them, but they are going to be and they are really separate.
I want to talk with you today about life coaching. I’ve touched on this before, but I’m going to do it in a very different way because what I’m hearing is, “Why would I need a life coach?” Or, “Yeah, I’m doing fine without one.” Or, “Maybe I’d think about one if I really had a serious problem.” Or, “If I got desperate enough.”
But life coaching is actually something that you want to look into and someone that you want to hire when your life is going fine. So, this is the hard sell, right? Because if your life is going fine, why would you hire a life coach? But I think that fine is ordinary.
So, when you say, “My life is fine,” or maybe you’ve kind of just settling and you kind of know that you don’t really have that much to look forward to for your future, you really know where your future is going. To me, if you’re in your 30’s and you’re kind of facing those challenges and having those thoughts that’s an ordinary life.
Think about our lives growing up. We have our parents and we learn from our parents. Then we have our teachers at school. Then maybe we have coaches if you’re on teams, and all of these people whether parents, teachers, coaches, they play the role of mentor throughout our lives at different phases as people who we look up to and take guidance from. Even if we don’t articulate it in that way we generally are in high school thinking about college. Well, why do we think about college, right?
Someone along the way said, “This is what you should do.” Maybe it was a guidance counselor, maybe it was your parents, maybe it was just the entire school system structure has taught you that college is what’s next. Then, in college you were taught that a job is what’s next. So, you hit your mid-30s and you maybe have a job, maybe you’re married or you have a house, maybe you have kids, no kids, but you reach this point where you’ve really accomplished what you’ve set out to do and there’s not a clear path for what’s next.
That, to me, is living an ordinary life. It’s fine, there’s not necessarily this huge problem that you need to solve right now, but it almost feels like a little bit of something is missing or you want to love your life so much you want to have that passion and that clarity in your mind and in your heart. That is why you would hire a life coach.
I just can’t imagine living my life without a life coach, even though everything is “fine,” right? There’s no external reason that publicly you would look at my life and say, “You should hire a life coach.” But I think that you don’t hire a life coach because there’s this huge problem you’re trying to solve. I think you hire a life coach to take your life from ordinary to extraordinary.
There are different types of life coaches for different problems that are certainly available to you, but Grow You is a program where you feel like you really done it all to the extent that your brain has the capacity and now you’re thinking, “What’s next?” So, this is where I’ve found myself before and I’ve noticed that if I’m not coaching myself and I’m not active in other coaching programs what happens is I end up needing a lot of external pleasure to get by.
So, what I mean by this is if you don’t set out to grow in your life, if you just want to stay status quo your brain gets really bored and to accommodate that boredom instead of processing your emotions it will find sneaky ways to feel better. Usually it shows up in overspending or overeating or over-Netflixing. Basically, you will need a lot of external false pleasure to feel better because you’re not growing.
That wouldn’t be a problem except for the external false pleasure always has a net negative consequence, always. Think about the analogy of going out for a night of drinking. The negative consequence is how you feel the next day and the effect it has on your body. Contrast that with any internal real pleasure that you create from your mind like smelling the fresh new flowers that we have at home or going on a walk or fill-in-the-blank that you create internally, that is where you’re going to get the most bang for your buck in terms of pleasure even though it seems like that wouldn’t be the case because if you’ve programmed your brain and body to really feel those external pleasures a lot the natural pleasure isn’t going to feel as good.
So, a really good life coach is going to help you see this. “Hey, we need to set a goal.” Maybe it’s going to be losing weight. Maybe it’s going to be selling dog bandanas on Etsy. My personal assistant does this. They’re amazing, by the way. Maybe it’s going to be reading books this year. Maybe it’s going to be something totally different.
It doesn’t have to be money-related. It doesn’t have to be business-related, but giving your brain something to focus on is so powerful. It gives you clarity and direction in your life so that you know what to say yes to and what to say to. A lot of clients want help with decision making in Grow You and it’s a skill that you can get really good at and it starts with having that clarity of your values and the direction that you want to go in your life.
When you’re thinking about why would you need a life coach, I want you to think about what comes up for you in your life that you feel is lacking. So, I think the most common ones that I hear about in Grow You are time, there’s not enough time. Money, there’s not enough money. There’s not enough passion in your job, typically.
Like, “I’ve had this job for several years. It’s fine, but I don’t know what’s next.” Sometimes being multi-passionate comes up as well, but typically it’s, “I just want to do some work that’s more fulfilling. So, there’s not enough fulfillment in my life.”
When you think about your life, what do you think that there’s not enough of? Or what would you like to take from ordinary to extraordinary? Let’s take time, for example, if you feel like there truly aren’t enough hours in the day this is something that you would hire a life coach for. I think about Penny and Steve and I think about how we want to get another pup in the spring and how we want to have kids and we’re adding so much to our family that we love and that we want to do. Well, there are still only 24 hours in a day.
So, in order to not get overwhelmed and not get spread too thin we have to constrain and make really strategic choices with our time. That comes from planning ahead and not being behind and putting out fires which requires so much intentionality in a way that I don’t think most people do.
One of the things I teach is calendaring. There’s lots of episodes you can listen to about that. That’s one of the tools, but if you don’t have clarity about time in your mind there’s no amount of calendaring that’s going to solve your time management problem. So, if you’re thinking, “I don’t have time for that,” notice that thought and notice the feeling and action and result it’s creating for you.
What would you be thinking and feeling and acting and doing if that weren’t true? So, if you thought, “I have plenty of time,” how would you feel? What would you do? And how would you create your results? Life coaching can help you make strategic decisions so that you’re in control of your time starting from how you think about it. Because if you keep hustling on the path that you’re on your time problems actually get worse not better. We tend to think this isn’t the case. We think it’s circumstantial.
So, we think, “Well, after I finish this fill-in-the-blank, this home remodel project then I’ll have time. After we get married then I’ll have time. After the kids go back to school, then I’ll have time.” We think that it’s our circumstances that are creating this thought, “I don’t have time.” But if you think back over the course of your entire life there’s probably not a time where you proactively had the thought, “I have plenty of time. I have so much time. I have all the time that I need.” This is because you haven’t managed your mind to see that it’s actually a thought.
I think that right now in our modern society, particularly if you’re working, you might be a working mom, maybe not, but you have a lot in your life, a lot of good, amazing things but we have this new problem that our parents and grandparents and great-grandparents didn’t have. As women we want to do it all and how you take that from a cliché to actually making the day-to-day choices in your life and feel really good about them and not feel guilty saying yes to one thing and no to the other thing.
Along the same lines, think about your passions, if you have any or think about how you want to create fulfillment in the work that you do in the world. It’s generally going to manifest from a place of feeling stuck. So, if you’re unsure about what to do next and you feel a little bit stuck you will think that you don’t have direction and you want direction, right? We think back to school, we always had direction for what was next.
So, you consciously can see okay, I want more, I want more fulfillment, how do I go about getting this? It’s something that we think we can get and so sometimes we’ll even job hop and career hop to do this, and it might work in the short-term because we change our thoughts, but truly what works is to get clear about what we’re thinking that’s causing that feeling of feeling stuck and deciding, “What do I think that creates the feeling of fulfilled? And what is easy for me to enjoy in terms of work?”
Because there are some jobs out there that it’s just going to be super difficult for you to enjoy. Sure, you can coach yourself on it, but why do that when it’s easy for you to choose jobs that are really easy for you to enjoy and getting clarity about what those are and not beating yourself up if you choose one and it’s different than you thought, but having the courage to move forward without making it mean something like, “You shouldn’t job hop. This is going to look bad.”
So, for some clients this ends up meaning I help them transition to a career that they never thought about before. Or I help them start a side hustle while they’re working from home, especially during the pandemic, there’s a lot of that. And for some clients it’s helping them transition to become a stay-at-home mom.
The last category tends to be stay-at-home moms who are now feeling guilty that they’re stay-at-home moms. It’s so interesting in that group it tends to look like, “Oh my gosh, I thought this was what I always wanted and it is, but now I feel guilty and I didn’t expect this.” So, for you, think about your work in the world and your current stage of life and how prior to this you probably had a lot of intentionality behind the direction that you were going and now you don’t, right?
We don’t have it culturally set in to the mainstream of what to do next after you’ve gone to college, maybe settled down a little bit, you have your first career, it’s like then what? So, life coaching is the best tool, I believe, to help you get that clarity on how to go forward intentionally and how to do it from a place of not feeling overworked and having that work/life balance.
I think most common that comes up for the women in Grow You is, “Okay, how do I do all of this?” Really practically speaking, “How do I manage my brain and be the mom that I want to be and do work as well at home and do all of this and have the balance that I want and create some space for myself?” A lot of this work actually ends up me coaching and teaching about how to process emotions.
Because while we may not say it outwardly, expressly, we have this underlying believe that everything is just supposed to feel good all of the time and if it doesn’t there is this problem. What I can help you do is I can help you notice the negative emotion and really allow it without making it mean something’s gone wrong so that you’re not being so hard on yourself and beating yourself up.
Then, what actually ends up happening is that the negative emotion isn’t so bad because you are coming from a clean place and you’re not resisting it. You resist that negative it ends up coming out in little ways all day and you never end up processing it. So, think about your life and the work/life balance that you have now and what it is that you want and start living into it by creating the avatar, the person who has to think and feel a certain way to act the way that you want.
So, it’s imagining on purpose. It’s envisioning you as someone who maybe works less or maybe works differently or maybe is more present when you are with the kids. So, just think about that intentionally and write down the thoughts that the person who has the results that you want would be thinking. Like, “What is she thinking about?” If there’s anything else that comes up for you that you think is sort of ordinary, but that you want to be extraordinary that would be something to think about with life coaching.
The obvious other one that comes to my mind is money. I just had someone email me about our home buying process and she made a comment about setting correct expectations. It was so interesting because if you’re not careful you will believe what other people tell you and that’s just a reflection of their thoughts.
A life coach is kind of like this home base to come to to get the clarity that you need for every area of your life. I don’t ever want to set realistic expectations for my money. If I would have done that, I would still be in student loan debt from law school. I’d probably still be a lawyer. I’d probably be paying off my student loan debt over 20 to 30 years and generally be struggling financially.
This is sort of the ordinary path that we’re set up on if you take out student loans and it’s just not something that you have to entertain as an option for you. So, instead, I paid off my debt in eight years, I lived the life that I wanted to based on my own standards. I’m debt-free, I have this business that’s on its way to making a million in revenue every year and no one would have emailed me and suggested that that was the realistic path and to set those expectations realistically.
A life coach, a really good one, will help you see the possibility for your future. That’s what lights me up with my clients and that’s what I want you to see for yourself and for your own life that there’s this possibility beyond what you’ve ever thought possible and that having a life coach as this sounding board, as this place where you can go to surround yourself with people who have the beliefs that you want to have and create in your life that that is truly more valuable than anything else in your life and in your budget because it all starts from the mental. It all starts from the mindset. It all starts from how you’re thinking about it.
It has very real consequences. Take the money example. If I would have believed the ordinary advice out there for money my results with money would be so different and the same is true for what’s next with me and my life and my family and my business and my future. So, if you don’t have tools to help you manage your mind and decide what you’re going to believe and not believe you’re going to just agree with what everyone else has agreed with and it’s usually so ordinary. It’s like painfully ordinary for me to watch sometimes because I don’t want that. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want that for me. It just doesn’t have to be that way. We can live extraordinary lives.
This is the offer of life coaching and of Grow You. It shows you how to coach yourself and manage your mind and find that internal comfort and peace and direction really from the inside out. So, your results do change, but they change because of the work that you’re doing internally. It’s really the best gift and the most rewarding gift because it’s never the result that actually makes the biggest difference in your life, it’s that journey. It’s who you become on the way to getting those results.
I truly believe that everyone needs a life coach and that it’s the best investment that you can possibly make. So, I invite you to join me and all of the other women in Grow You. We will welcome you with open arms. So, I hope to see you there.
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To learn more about designing your dream life visit nataliebacon.com.