Design Your Dream Life with Natalie Bacon | Curiosity

I like to think of curiosity as a feeling that you create for yourself and when curiosity drives your actions, you get really good results. There are so many benefits to getting curious about things and I’m sharing some of them with you this week.

If you are feeling stuck and don’t know what’s next for you in your life, approaching things with curiosity is one of the best ways to go forward. Similarly, if you find yourself judging somebody for something they say or do, getting curious can help you turn judgment into connection.

Join me this week as I share five ways to use curiosity and give you some examples to see how magical and wonderful this emotion is. Getting curious can serve you in so many ways so I’m sharing why this is one of my favorite emotions and how you can use it to enhance your life.

If you’re a mom, you’re in the right place. This is a space for you to do the inner work and become more mindful. I can help you unbusy your time, reduce anxiety and overwhelm, and live every day a little more soulfully and purpose driven. Click here to learn more about Grow You, my virtual life coaching program.

 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
  • How to use curiosity to take the next step to where you want to be in your life.
  • Where I have used curiosity to enhance my own life.
  • The various aspects of your life that benefit from you being curious.
  • How curiosity can help you increase your connection with other people.
  • Why your brain will naturally go towards judgment unless you manage it daily.
  • How to move out of judgment and into curiosity.
 
Listen to the Full Episode:

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life Podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.

Hey friend. Welcome to the podcast. I’m so happy to be here with you. Gosh it is September 8th. We are studying loving your body in Grow You.  This work is so important. I’m doing the work alongside all of the students in there. So if you want to join us, you can head on over to nataliebacon.com/coaching.

I also want to get started with letting you know that I will have a brand new program offer for you next month for online business. So if you have been around for a while or if you’re new actually and you want to learn online business from me, I have a program called the Creator Program. It’s been out for about a year. I run it in an amazing way that has functioned like a mastermind. What I’m going to be offering next month is something totally different. I’m going to offer the program itself at a very affordable price point, and then I’m going to offer a higher priced mastermind option.

So all new information. I will have that for you in the next few weeks as we gear up for opening that. It will only be open for enrollment for about a week or so next month. So stay tuned for that. If you’re not on our email list, head on over to nataliebacon.com/subscribe. That will make sure that you get information as we have it for you. So stay tuned for that.

Next, we are having a brand new training in two weeks on September 22nd. This is for women, for moms, moms-to-be who feel kind of overwhelmed and like they need that soulful connection with themselves that they’re not getting in their everyday life. I know I’ve talked about this a lot. But as I sort of grow my family and still have everything else in life that I had before, I am rediscovering what balance is for me and what time management is for me. How to incorporate my selfcare because I know that when I do that, I show up as my best self. We’re doing this in Grow You as well.

So I have a new training called Self Care for the Soul. If you go to nataliebacon.com/selfcare you can join us there on September 22nd. It’s free. It’s one hour. I do these every so often as a way for you to kind of take what you’re learning on the podcast a little bit deeper. So if you like this work, definitely plan on joining us live that way I can coach you and you can get the new tools. I’ve never taught this topic before. So it will be brand new. If you’re in Grow You already, we will have the replay for you inside your portal.

All right. Let’s jump into today’s topic, which is curiosity. Curiosity is one of my favorite emotions. I like to think of it as a feeling that you create. When curiosity drives your actions, you get really good results. So I have a list of five ways to use curiosity that I want to talk about specifically and give you some examples about so that you can see how magical and wonderful this emotion is.

So the first one is to find what you want to do next or to find your purpose or your passion. So a lot of times people want coaching on sort of what’s next for them. They want to know what career or what passionate project or what they should sort of invest in. A lot of times it comes from this energy of thinking that there’s one right answer and they need to find it, and the answer is outside of them. The truth is that’s not really how it works.

So you don’t find your purpose. I like to think of it as discovering it or uncovering it. So if right now you’re feeling a little bit stuck like you don’t know what’s next for you, approaching your life with curiosity and thinking about what you’re interested in is one of the best ways that you can go forward to see what you want to do.

I was talking with my sister-in-law recently. She is an amazing stay at home mom. She actually worked in Natalie Bacon coaching for a little while. She worked on our team. When she left, she started a little Esty shop and sold some Canva templates. Now she has shifted into like a wellness lifestyle blog and Instagram. You can find her @sunlightwellness on Instagram.

What I love about her journey and what I was talking with her about is how she’s really following her curiosity with what’s next. Instead of expecting this one thing to fit perfectly, she is testing out different things and seeing if they fit within her life and seeing if she really wants to continue pursuing them.

This is what I want to suggest that you do because I think that switching different pursuits can sometimes get a bad rap. I think that’s the wrong way to think about it. I think it’s amazing to switch careers, to switch hobbies, to switch interests. The only caveat there I want to say is that you want to like your reason for switching.

So for me, I never liked to switch something because it’s hard. That’s why I kind of like to give myself somewhat of a timeline for sticking something out. Maybe it’s three months, maybe it’s six months, maybe it’s one year. That’s kind of why I often have my programs set up for a year. You want to invest in yourself, your online business, whatever it is for at least six months to a year to see if it’s really something you want to continue pursuing.

The reason that I love having this timeline attached to it is that it prevents you from quitting just because something is challenging. If at the end of the six months or the year you decide, “Yeah, you know what? This isn’t really something I want to continue pursuing.” Then that’s a great reason to stop. You don’t want to quit because it’s hard or you’re not getting the results that you want or you’re doubting yourself.

So curiosity can be a great way for you to transition from what you’re doing now to what’s next. I know a lot of women in Grow You use curiosity for career changes. This often comes up as we navigate life changes like marriage and motherhood and going from being totally single and working so much to now what I consider is just about full time. Just probably under 40 hours a week. I have had to really rethink how I set up my business and how I can have my version of having it all. Curiosity has been like my best friend through all of it.

So for you, think about what you want to do next and use curiosity. Ask yourself questions. What interests me now in this season of life? So what could I potentially want to do that I like? From a place of a curiosity instead of from a place of pressure, which sounds like I need to figure out what I’m doing next and doesn’t feel very good, you will open up possibilities. I think curiosity is the best emotion to figure out what you want to do next hands down.

The next way to use curiosity is to move out of judgement. I love, love, love this way of using curiosity. So your brain just naturally will go to judgement unless you are managing it on a daily basis. This is because it’s very primitive and it’s ingrained in us to make judgements. This is the primitive part of our brain that is useful to some extent.

So we make a judgment that we don’t want to cross the street when cars are going 50 miles an hour. We make a judgment that we don’t want to walk alone at night. We make a judgement that there are people approaching you at a gas station that you want to move away from, for example. I just had this happen actually. We want to use our judgements in that way.

The problem is when we use judgements in a way that has us showing up not as our best self. So maybe you’re judging someone’s attitude or someone’s appearance. What I see a lot particularly as people talk more about COVID and all of that is judging other people’s opinions who are different from your own. It’s so much easier to just judge them and think that you’re right and go to a place of sort of righteousness and creating so much separation from them.

If you can shift from curiosity, you don’t necessarily move into acceptance and love and wanting to be their best friend. But you can move out of that judgment. The judgement is what’s going to be harmful for you, right? You’re not harming the other person, but you’re harming yourself because you’re feeling so judgy, which feels negative. Then you continue through the cycle of judging other people who are different than you, and then that’s how you show up. It’s really just not showing up as your best self.

So curiosity can help you move out of that. What that means is that instead of thinking they’re wrong and you can’t like them, and you disagree with them. It’s sort of this tense, closed feeling. You move into a much more open feeling, and you ask yourself. “I wonder why they think what they think. I wonder what life experiences they have. I wonder what happened in their life that has created the neural pathways that they have that is creating the judgments that they have, the opinions that they have.”

So if someone has a political opinion that’s so different from yours. Instead of closing them out, talking about them behind their backs, separating yourself from them and thinking you’re better than them, it’s asking questions. It doesn’t even mean asking questions to them. It may just mean asking questions in your mind to yourself. “I wonder what they’ve been through. I wonder how they came to that conclusion. I wonder what their life experiences are like.” Going into this place of curiosity helps you increase connections with other humans, and it takes you out of this place of righteousness where you think that you’re better than them.

Now one little caveat that I want to say here is that typically when I talk about judgement and moving out of judgement, there is a temptation to apply this work to someone we love. So immediately someone will say, “Oh my goodness. My mother or my sister-in-law, they need this work so much. They are so judgmental.” We immediately want to send someone else to Grow You or send someone else to the podcast.

What I want to offer to you is that the best and most important work you can do is just to apply this to yourself. So to ask yourself, “Where am I in judgment that I don’t want to be in? Where am I negatively judging? Who am I negatively judging? How can I move into curiosity and the feeling of wonder instead of having those negative judgments?”

The third way to use curiosity is when you are trying to solve a problem. So if you’re trying to solve a problem, and this can be a problem at work. It can be a problem at home with your scheduling. It can be a problem you’re having in a relationship. It can be a problem you’re having with your money or your business. Any problem that you’re having. Oftentimes we try to solve the problem, and it doesn’t work.

So let’s say you’re trying to work through a challenge you’re having with a difficult person in your life. You’ve tried different strategies. You’ve set boundaries. You have tried all these things. It just feels like this problem keeps recurring.

Instead of feeling defeated and stuck, move to curiosity. Ask questions to yourself about what you haven’t tried yet. That question alone can help you solve a problem. What haven’t I tried yet? What’s one more thing I could try? Oftentimes we will try to solve a problem and it won’t work, and then we automatically make that mean that the problem is unsolvable instead of moving into curiosity and just trying again. Truly it’s just a matter of trying again. 

I felt this way when I was dating. It could feel disappointing and heartbreaking and defeating when a relationship ended. What would have served me a lot better was to move into curiosity. Like why didn’t this work? How did I show up? How do I want to show up? What kind of person is he? Is this really someone that I want to spend my life with? Those questions usually yield so much more useful and truthful answers than sort of pouting or being hard on yourself or feeling stuck.

The fourth way to use curiosity is similar, but I wanted to specifically break it out here and talk about it in terms of a goal that’s not working. So whenever you have a goal that you are working on that you keep failing at, ask yourself what you could do next. So with the work we’re doing in Grow You this month on loving your body, a lot of the members are setting weight loss goals and working on changing their eating habits. It’s hard. If it was easy everyone would do it.

So when you feel stuck in a goal, when you feel like you’ve failed, and that this food plan isn’t working. This diet isn’t working. The way that I am approaching this weight loss isn’t working. It can feel so real because you just had a failure. The truth is that is part of the process. That is part of setting and achieving big goals. It’s how you get unstuck from those failures that help you increase your resilience and ultimately achieve your goal.

So if you fail, if you gain weight instead of lose weight, ask yourself, “Okay, what could I do next?” I was coaching someone on this recently. She said, “Well, I just stopped getting on the scale.” I asked her why. She said because she didn’t want to feel the disappointment when she got on the scale. I said that that was not helping her achieve her goal, right? If her goal is to lose weight and she’s avoiding the scale, it’s very challenging to know if you ever achieve your goal because weight is measured.

So instead what you want to do is you want to get on the scale. You want to notice what you’re thinking and feeling that’s creating that disappointment. Then be in your truth about, “Okay. What could I do next?” Shifting into curiosity instead of judgment and feeling so stuck. So if you gained weight it’s, “Huh. I wonder how this happened. Let’s take a look at the foods I ate, how much I moved my body, how my body is reacting to the certain foods, my hormones this week. I wonder what happened, and I wonder what I could do next.”

I don’t think this is intuitive. At least it hasn’t been for myself. When you really feel stuck, you feel like there is a problem that you can’t yet solve. I’ve had this in my business. I can think about last year. I didn’t know how to build a team or manage a team. Curiosity really helped me with what could I do next. For me that was joining a program.

I know the same is true for a lot of you who join the Creator Program and the business program that we offer because you’re feeling stuck. So you want to get help from someone who’s done it before. So you have to come from this place of curiosity and asking yourself what you can do next knowing that there’s always something that you can do next. 

Okay the last and final way to use curiosity is whenever you are listening to someone. So, for example, let’s say that you are conversing with your spouse. Let’s say he is giving you his opinion about upcoming travel plans and the holidays.

What I want to encourage you to do is instead of thinking about how you want to respond, use curiosity to listen to what he’s saying. I wonder why he’s saying that? I wonder why he wants to do it that way. I wonder why he thinks this is the best option. Often what we do is we sort of brace ourselves for replying so quickly. It just becomes talking at each other instead of truly making yourself available to that other person from this place of connection.

We do this a lot in coaching. So when I am listening to clients and coaching them, I am truly in a state of wonder and curiosity about what’s going on in their brains. Because what’s going on in their brains is what’s creating their story. The more questions I ask, the more they reveal their truths and the more progress we make in whatever it is they want coaching for.

So I always find it fascinating when people think that the coach has all the answers. The truth is that the coach is just an expert in helping you navigate your own brain, and helping you uncover your answers which are always within you. So as a coach, I’m always, always using curiosity. I think that it is such a powerful emotion that we can use.

Again, just to go over the five ways to use it. The first way is to identify what you want to do next, right, to find that passion or purpose. The second way is to move out of judgement. The third way is to solve a problem. The fourth way is to get unstuck from a goal that isn’t working. The fifth way is to listen when you are conversing with someone. That’s what I have for you today my friend. I love you so much. Have an amazing rest of the week. I will talk with you next week. Take care.

If you loved this podcast, you’re going to love Grow You. Grow You is my virtual life coaching program where I take everything on the podcast to the next level. I invite you to join our amazing community of women and moms and deepen your own personal development. Head on over to nataliebacon.com/coaching to learn more.  

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