Have you ever wanted something so bad, then got it and pushed it away?

For example, you want to make more money. So, you go about creating more money. ​Then you spend the money before you even had a chance to have it.

Creating, having, and giving are all part of the process of achieving goals.

If you don’t learn how to have what you create, you’ll sabotage the very success you’ve always wanted.

It’s not just money. It’s with every result you want but don’t have yet.

​​​​​​​You want it so bad. Then you get it and don’t know how to have it, so you get rid of it.

You have to become someone completely different when you get what you want.

You have to be the person who has it and give up the person who wants to have it.

Your brain will freak out because you’re becoming someone new. Allow the freak out.

In this episode, I show you how to identify the different mindsets for creating, having, and giving. In this episode, you’ll learn how to create success, have it, and stop self sabotaging what you’ve created.

Here are more of my favorite resources to go along with this podcast:

Full Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Design Your Dream Life podcast where it’s all about designing your life on your terms and now your host, Natalie Bacon.

Hello my lovely, beautiful, tan friend. Are you tan right now? I am telling you that I am the tannest I’ve been in a long time. My brother is not convinced that I am wearing sunscreen but I am. I am just spending so much time outside and it’s been so much fun. You’ve heard me talk about summer in Chicago and I’m just  really soaking up the end of summer and the beginning of football season and just really enjoying the transition from summer to fall. It’s one of my favorite times. It kind of reminds me of starting up for school again and you have like all that energy to really get focused and you know, start working on new goals and I just love this time of year so much. We are talking about time management and productivity in Grow You this month and it has been so much fun.

I tell you there is no more drama than some planning drama. I did not know this. I thought drama would come in the form of relationships and money and I have to tell you that most of the drama that I coach on is around planning and productivity and time management. So this month has been so fun. Shout out to you if you are in Grow You. If not, you can apply at NatalieBacon.com/apply.

Today I am really, really excited to talk with you about a concept that I’m calling creating versus having versus giving. And it stems from shifting your beliefs and setting and achieving goals and changing your identity in that process. And I’m hoping that this concept, doesn’t get too meta and woo and weird for anyone listening, but we’re going to go for it anyways and see what happens because I think it can change your life.

When I first started to understand this, my growth really improved. Like I stretched myself so much more and was able to really become who I had been wanting to become instead of forcing it. So I’m talking about creating whatever it is you want and then having it and then like learning to have it from abundance and then giving it away from abundance.

So let’s take money. Let’s say you want to create a lot of money and you go about doing that. So you, whatever a lot is to you, you, you know, say that you don’t have a lot of money right now and you decide you want to have a lot of money and you want to create a lot of money. So you’re gonna do that and you figure out that the best way you want to do it is to, you know, make money online.

So you do all this crazy stuff for a year and you finally figure out how to make money online. And then you make money online and then you’re like this new person who makes money online and you haven’t quite become the person who has this new identity, but you kind of have the results and you’re like, you’re going back and forth between your old version of yourself and your new version.

And then before you go to the next level, you need to stop hustling and be the person who has the results. So you’ve created the results, right? You had to learn how to do that. Then you have to learn how to have the results and have the money. I was at a financial planning conference once a couple of years ago and someone who I was in a conversation with along with a few others was saying to one of the other people that we were talking with, like, what do you do with all your money?

She was just like, I just don’t know what to do with all my money. Now you might be thinking like what a problem to have, right? Like, Oh poor her. But what I want to offer to you is that you can apply this to anything in your life. So whether it’s losing weight, finding love, getting a new job, whatever it is that you want, there’s always like the next level wanting. You’re always growing and that’s a good thing when you do it from abundance. So in this case, if you do it with the money, you decide you want to create money, you learn how to create money, you create money, then you have to have money. If you don’t become the person who has money and who is comfortable having money, you will sabotage what you’ve created. You will push it away. You will give it away from a scarcity.

You will not feel good about having it. You’ll have feelings of guilt or something like that. Contrast that with learning how to just have the money, have a lot of money. Just sitting there and being a person who has a lot of money. And then if you want to give some of it away, giving it away from abundance.

And when I talk about the difference between scarcity and abundance, I’m really talking about a feeling like it is a mindset and it’s in the way you think, but you can identify whether you’re in scarcity or abundance based on how you feel. So if you feel like you have more than enough and you love what you have and you want to give it away from a place of generosity, that is where you want to be giving from. That is like true generosity. It is, you know, living your life from a place of abundance and giving away whatever you have because it’s kind of like imagining a glass and it’s full like your glasses full and you like, you can’t wait to give it away. Like you love the having of it.

Contrast that with having a little bit in your glass and feeling like you don’t deserve any of it and like trying to give that away because it’s, you’re making it about you and not thinking that you are enough or worthy or whatever the case may be, even though it is exactly what you wanted. I once read an article about someone who had received an inheritance and she had all of this money all of a sudden and she felt really guilty about it. Her in her words, she felt guilty because she hadn’t earned it. So her money mindset was such that she needed to earn money in order for her to feel like it was rightfully hers. When that’s just a thought pattern, right? She, this was her money, she had inherited it and she could change how she’s thinking about it and love the having of it and be someone who has a lot of money, get rid of that guilt and from abundance and overflow and love give away money.

So the difference is everything. And I know this because I see it a lot in business owners. I coach a lot of new business owners and I will see someone who is in the creation phase. So when you are creating an online business, there’s a lot of like hustle that goes into it. And that’s not a bad thing, right? You’re figuring it out. You have no idea what you’re doing. It’s just part of it. Like you don’t really understand anything, you’re just figuring it out. It’s totally fine.

And a lot of times that involves hustling, like from, I always say from like zero to six figures about there. Then when you’re at the six figures, the difference between someone who’s going to go on to seven figures and someone who’s going to stay at six figures is in their mindset and how they become a person who has that level of success and is comfortable having it and stops hustling and just sits with the success and with the money and then creates this new version of themselves, right?

The seven figure version and then has to, you know, be so uncomfortable becoming that person. But when the person stays in hustle mode doing more of the same, that got them from zero to six figures, they might still increase their income to a certain extent, but it will not grow exponentially. It will not grow to seven figures and beyond. It will not continue to evolve in the way that maybe they’re imagining it will if they are forcing it and hustling and panicking and coming from scarcity.

I know someone who is struggling with this right now and in her business it’s forcing more money and it’s holding on to more money and it’s like it’s all coming from fear and that’s how you know, right? You can check yourself if you’re in scarcity or abundance based on how you feel. If you’re constantly worried, if you constantly think there’s not enough, if you constantly come from a lack and it doesn’t feel good, that is scarcity and whatever you are creating, you’ll create more of.

So it will compound. Contrast that with if you’ve created some money or a business or whatever else, you then have to learn how to have it. So what I love to do is just to have money in my checking account and savings accounts, like for no purpose. I don’t rush to invest it. I don’t rush to do anything else with it. I just have it and I want to encourage you to do this for whatever area that you’re goal setting in, just to be with it and learn how to be comfortable with what you have created because it’s a different mindset shift. There’s that mindset to get you to believe new things to get you from here to there. It’s like this applies to losing weight as well. If you want to lose 50 pounds, like the person you are now, 50 pounds heavier than where you want to be, thinks very differently than the person who’s 50 pounds lighter.

So if you actually go about doing the hard work of becoming the person who loses the 50 pounds, you have to love yourself and be with the person who is 50 pounds lighter. You have to learn how to have your new body. This is so much more challenging than we anticipate. I was recently watching this documentary on Netflix called Heal, which I highly recommend if you have not seen it. It’s called heal H. E .A. L. it’s really good. And in one of the scenes this a woman who is seeing a healer, she’s like starts to panic right before she’s healed and she says, I don’t know who I am without my disease. And the healer goes on to talk about how common that is. And I bring that up here because that is something I see so much. We hold onto our past identity because we have become that person.

So I was this person who was in massive student loan debt. I was this person who was a hustler. I was this person who had all of these things happen in this story. And that was my story. And that story actually really helped me create my business. Without my student loan debt, I wouldn’t have had my business, I wouldn’t have switched careers, I wouldn’t have quit my job, I wouldn’t have hustled so hard without law school, you know, and knowing how to really do that. But then I did it right.

So I was the six figure hustler, the person who was getting out of massive student loan debt and like I had this whole identity and it’s like that woman on the show or the the documentary saying, I don’t know who I am without my disease. It’s like what story are you telling that is preventing you from becoming the next version of yourself from letting go of what’s holding you back?

So for me, I used that story to create what result I wanted, which was making money online basically. And I got that result and then I had to learn how to have it. So I created it with one mindset and then I had to learn how to have it.

Now had I not made that mindset shift, I would be creating from more hustle and from a not enoughness. And whenever you create from not enoughness, you create more not enoughness. Have you ever been in a relationship where you put demands on the other person and you tell them that what they’re giving you is not enough? The result of that is more not enoughness. It never results in abundance. Okay, so notice this in whatever area that you are doing it. It’s like with your body. Are you loving your body through your weight loss or are you hating your body saying that it’s not good enough?

I actually used to do this on a really small scale, but I have never loved my legs, which is just like something funny. But I never like, I never loved my legs. And now I love my legs. Like whenever I like notice other people’s legs or if I like them or I have an old thought pattern of like, Oh, I wish I had their legs. I always think their legs are none of my business. Like I love my legs.

My point here is that you can change your body and you can change your legs or how they look. Or you can change your results with money or your results with your career. But you want to do it from a place of loving what you already have because there’s a lag in your life. So whatever results you have in your life is a current reflection of what you thought in the past.

So what you think now will create your future. And then at some point in the future you’ll be able to look back and see that what you thought today is what created that future. So if you know your goal is to create new results, you know, more money, more happiness, more success, whatever it is that you want, you know, you want to lose the weight, whatever it is, you can create more of it.

But the best way to do that, the sustainable way to do that is from a place of loving what you have now. Because you’ll compound that and you’ll create more abundance. And from there you can give away whatever you have. So I love the example with money because it’s so easy to see. If you’ve ever seen someone in scarcity with money, it doesn’t really matter if they are in scarcity with money and have a lot of money or a little money like it all is the same, right?

It’s either they’re hoarding their money or they’re giving it away and they have all of these money fears and it doesn’t really matter if you learn how to create money. If you never learn how to just have it and stop worrying about it, then you won’t be able to relax into your success. You won’t be able to scale. You will continue to hustle. And it’s exhausting. Like I love who I am becoming, even though it’s a little bit uncomfortable, right? I have moments of like, Oh my gosh, right? Just like the woman said, who am I? I don’t know who I am without my disease. It’s like if I’m not a six figure hustler, like who am I? Right? Becoming that new person from loving what I have already created is a worthwhile endeavor for me. And I want to encourage you to do the same thing.

Whether it’s in your relationships, just notice if you’re thinking that someone isn’t giving you enough, that focusing on that will create more, not enoughness and you will force it and it will not end well. Same thing with money. You can force creating money and it doesn’t work. You might actually create a little bit of money, but you will be stressed. You will force it. You will be hustling in a way that’s from negative emotion and you won’t be able to sustain any sort of result that you’re randomly getting. So the best way to create, have and then give is to do it from appreciating what you have right now.

Creating more of it from abundant emotions and then learning how to have it. If you’ve created a new body for yourself and lost weight, do you love it? Do you just have it? Do you have the money in your bank account before spending it on a million different things?

Are you worried about what to do with it? Or can you just be someone who has a ton of money in your bank account, right? Imagine just having like tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars just in your bank account. Really try to visualize that. If you visualize this and it is very uncomfortable for you, then you’re doing it right because you are doing something that is different to you.

You may be used to focusing on debt or focusing on the money you don’t have or focusing on things from scarcity. And when you do that, you will create more of that. So what I want to encourage you to do is just have this mindset shift where you’re recognizing where you’re at with respect to each of the goals you have or each result you’re trying to get. So if it’s more money, think about how are you thinking about creating more money?

Is it from loving what you already have? And then when you do create it, how do you think about the having of it? Right? You don’t need to do anything to deserve the reality of your life. You can just have it. And then from a place of love and abundance, from a place of true generosity, be someone who wants to give.

I love giving and I always make sure I do it from generosity. If I ever think I should give, because of some external reason I don’t give, and I make sure I coach myself and clean up my mind. So I’m giving from a place of me wanting to give true generosity after I’ve had the money or whatever else it is. Notice if you sabotage your own success. So when you finally figure out how to create the thing that you’ve wanted so much, do you push it away because you can’t feel good about having it?

We do this to ourselves because it’s like the thing that we want so much we never thought we would get and then we get it and then we literally have an identity crisis. We don’t know who we are with this new reality and it’s something that I just want you to be aware of because if you are someone who sets goals and does this work, which you are because you’re listening to this podcast, this is coming.

It can be on a small scale and it can be on a large scale and I really want you to notice it on a small scale so that you can apply it to your life and practice feeling good about creating the success you’ve created and practice having it. Now, it doesn’t mean that you are arrogant. It doesn’t mean that you think you are better than it means that you just become someone who has that new result and it might take you a little while to get used to.

I have this a lot on really small scales. Like I just joined this new club in Chicago and the first week I was really uncomfortable there because I wasn’t like used to having this in my life. Like there is a pool and a spa and a gym and a trainer and like all the things right and you’re like, Oh, of course you would want that. Right? It’s like, this is so amazing, but I almost felt like an impostor there. I was, Ooh, I belong here. Like you know what I mean? Because I’m having this very small scale identity crisis that I have to get used to being someone who has this in my life and noticing this is everything. Because like in this example I reminded myself that the discomfort was okay, that I need to just get used to being here, that nothing has gone wrong, that I’m not an imposter and that it’s okay.

My mind is just getting used to this new identity, this new success that I’ve created. Instead of, you know what my primitive brain would probably want to do, which would be to like sabotage it and push it away. So what I want you to do is I want you to know that whatever you’re dreaming about, if you’re actually, you know, moving forward and taking action in that direction, you will likely create that result in your life. And you will have to learn how to have that result. And if you do it right, you will come into abundance and you will feel amazing. And from there you can give any of it away that you want to give away from generosity, not from a place of undeservedness or self sabotage. All right, that’s all I have for you this week. I will talk to you next week. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to the Design Your Dream Life podcast. Subscribe to the podcast to get the latest episodes sent directly to you. To learn more about designing your dream life visit NatalieBacon.com.