Building Confidence From The Inside Out
Self confidence is so important because you need it to design a life you truly love.
Believing in yourself no matter what can help you get through practically anything.
You may not know how to create self confidence. And that is what I’m here for!
I have amazing life coaching tools that will help you increase your self confidence today.
First, I want to talk with you about the main problem I see with self confidence…
There’s A Big Problem With Confidence
The main problem with self confidence is that most people don’t even realize they’re lacking self confidence.
If you’re not aware that self confidence is a problem, you can’t begin to fix it.
The truth is that when you lack self confidence you’re filled with self doubt.
When you have doubt, you have “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.” This is caused by your thoughts.
Self doubt is when you feel uncertainty. This uncertainty is caused by what you think about you.
To simplify, self doubt is basically lacking faith in yourself.
Here are some examples of what self doubt sounds like…
- I can’t get a new job right now because of COVID.
- I can’t start a business because I don’t have anything to sell and I don’t know how.
- I can’t lose weight because I’m so stressed at work.
- I can’t be healthy because of my family history.
- I don’t know if I’m smart enough to do that.
- I don’t even want to try because I’ll be so disappointed if it doesn’t work out.
- I’m getting too old to do one thing or another.
- I’m not good enough for this or that.
- I don’t think I’ll be successful.
When you think these thoughts, you can’t possible have the belief in yourself you need to have to achieve your big goals.
The solution is not to change your circumstances. Instead, it’s to change your mindset.
You need to start believing in yourself now. Having self confidence can carry you through your obstacles and failures. This is how you create your results.
Self doubt is the exact opposite of self confidence.
And while we’re on the topic of describing what self confidence is, I also want to bring up the difference between confidence and self confidence…
Confidence Vs. Self Confidence
There’s a difference between confidence and self confidence that most people are unaware of.
Confidence is “a feeling that comes from the belief that you can rely on someone or something.”
Confidence is specific to an area in your life. For example, you’re confident in your ability to read or ride a bike.
It’s something you have experience with so you know you can be confident going forward.
Confidence in something external is different than self confidence, which is internally based.
Self confidence is the feeling that comes from the belief in yourself, regardless of your experience.
When you have self confidence, you believe so hard in your ability to create and be whatever it is you want.
Self confidence is believing in your capabilities. Self confidence is having self certainty.
Self confidence happens despite any evidence. It happens despite past experiences.
The other part of self confidence is recognizing your flaws. It’s knowing when you’re bad, doing something wrong, or flawed. But self confidence is also loving yourself even when you mess up.
Self confidence is what you think about yourself.
It’s having peace with your WHOLE self.
It’s believing in yourself whether you’re winning or losing.
Examples of self confidence thoughts for when you’re getting it wrong look like:
- Yeah, I messed that up, but it’s fine. I’ll do better next time.
- I’m sorry I said that.
- I love me anyways.
Self confidence is loving yourself even when you make a mistake.
Self confidence is not arrogance.
Arrogance is “I’m better than you.” Arrogance always comes from insecurity. Arrogance will always make you feel bad.
Self confidence is “I’m amazing, and you’re amazing.” Self confidence always feels good!
So many great things can come from being self confident.
The Result Of Being Self Confident
Whenever you have self confidence, you’re always going to be future focused.
You won’t have to look to your past for evidence that you can succeed. Self confidence always leads you to success. Failures lead you to success.
Self confidence means that you’ll never let your failures stop you from taking massive actions. Self confidence is also what pushes you into action.
And Self confidence is going to make you even better at what you’re already doing.
If you’re living in doubt, you may just be “hoping.” You’re living in stalling instead of taking massive actions. This isn’t getting you anywhere. It’s also placing responsibility on someone or something else. This is instead of choosing to take responsibility for your own life. In this situation you’re dependent on your circumstances.
Self confidence is the exact opposite. You’re dependent on yourself. So you’re the one who creates the results.
It’s so important to know how to create self confidence. We generally aren’t taught how to have self confidence. It’s important to learn now so you can believe in yourself going forward.
How To Create More Self Confidence
Creating self confidence takes intentionality. It’s takes intention to manage your thoughts and mind.
Self confidence is a skill you can learn and get really good it.
You have to intentionally choose your thoughts. You also can’t let your thoughts choose you. You’re not letting self doubt control your actions (this is why you need a life coach!).
You can generate your own self confidence. You also do this by practicing your thoughts.
Here are some examples on thoughts you can use for practicing self confidence:
- I love me no matter what.
- I can do hard things.
- I always can rely on me.
- I don’t know how yet, but I know I can figure it out.
- Regardless of my circumstances, I create my results.
- I love ALL of me.
- I’m amazing.
- This failure is just feedback.
- Failure won’t stop me.
- I get what I want.
- This failure is a lesson that will help me.
These thoughts are intentional. You aren’t going to wake up and already be thinking these thoughts. These are thoughts you’re choosing to think for and about yourself.
Thoughts like these are important even when you’re missing the mark. You may make mistakes, but you can reframe the mistakes. You can also choose to think different thoughts that aren’t beating yourself up.
So, my sweet friend… what are you telling yourself about you?
Choose thoughts that allow you have self confidence. This is a gift you can give yourself that’s oh-so very worth it.
Phases Of Self Confidence
These are three phases of self confidence.
I see most people fall into one of these three phases…
Phase 1: Doubting Yourself No Matter What
If you fall into Phase 1, you’re doubting yourself. You’re beating yourself up for mistakes. You’re still looking to the evidence that proves you can’t succeed. Your brain is scanning for “it’s not possible.” It’s looking for the evidence that says that no matter what, you’re going to fail. You can’t create the life you want. There’s no way it’s possible for you.
In Phase 1, you can’t accept wins as your own. You’re always looking to place the responsibility for success somewhere else.
You may think you have just gotten lucky. You’ll say you had someone else’s help. You don’t believe it’s because of something you did.
This isn’t helping you create future focused results.
To get out of this phase you need to focus on your accomplishments. Look to different parts of your life for evidence of your achievements. What have you done? Use those things to strength your belief in yourself.
Take the initiative to write down your accomplishments. It doesn’t matter if they are big or small.
Here’s a list of what you might write down…
- I know how to read.
- I know how to ride a bike.
- I know how to get dressed.
- I know how to cook.
- I finished college.
- I have a job.
- I’m in a healthy relationship.
- I have kids.
- I have a home.
When you start focusing on the things that you accomplish, your brain is going to start realizing how amazing you are. You will see all of the things you have done for yourself.
In Phase 1, you’re awesome, but you just don’t know it yet.
Knowing your accomplishments will help you get to Phase 2.
Phase 2: Believing In Yourself When You’re Winning
If you’re in Phase 2, you’re only believing in yourself when you’re winning. You only think you’re great when you’re doing a great job. When you win you take credit. When you get that new job, you think you did it yourself.
On the other end of this, when you’re losing, the self confidence disappears. When you’re losing you no longer believe in yourself. You’re punishing yourself for your failures. You don’t think you have what it takes to have success.
There are so many people who never make it past this phase. If you can’t then you’re going to struggle unecessarily whenever you have setbacks.
To get through this phase, focus on believing in yourself no matter what. Believe in yourself when you succeed AND when you fail. This is next level confidence. It’s believing in yourself when there’s no external evidence to suggest that in your life.
If you’re stuck in Phase 2, here’s something you can do to move forward: Write down all of your failures. Then turn your failures into strategies.
Write down the things you think are imperfect about you. Also write down why they make you unique and amazing.
Write down how every single one of your setbacks is actually a set up for the future.
Some of examples of how setbacks are set ups are:
- When you gain 4 lbs instead of losing 10lbs, write why this is the best thing ever.
- When you lose your job instead of getting a promotion, write down why this is setting up your future.
You brain isn’t going to like this. Your brain is also going to think that this is horrible and resist this. So teach your brain the opposite. Tell your brain, “this is supposed to happen, now I’m going to lose even more, and love myself the entire time.”
By reframing how you see your failures, you’ll start to see you have the power to think what you want. You have the power to set yourself up for the future.
There is absolutely no downside to believing in yourself, even when you’re losing. This is Phase 3 of self confidence.
Phase 3: Believe in Yourself When You’re Losing
When you’re in Phase 3, you’re believing in yourself, even when you’re losing. You’re loving yourself when you’re getting it wrong.
In Phase 3, nothing can stop you. There is no setback that will hold you back. This is where your mental game is so strong, no failure controls you. This is true self confidence.
Phase 3 is seeing the evidence and making it mean something. It means it’s the perfect set up for you to win. It doesn’t matter that you’re losing in this moment. You’re so future focused all you can see is success.
This is the place you need to be! You’re loving yourself for who you are and what you’ve done. You see only the best for yourself. Even if the best isn’t happening right now, it’s just setting you up for an amazing future.
It’s important to note that you can actually be in different phases of self confidence in different parts of life.
You could be in Phase 3 for your health but only Phase 1 for money. You could be in Phase 3 for your job, but only Phase 2 for your relationship.
No matter where you’re at right now, there’s always something to work on. There’s always a new area to apply your self confidence work to. This is part of growth.
So always look for places you can continue to be growing in self confidence.
Instead of just avoiding those Phase 1 areas and focusing on Phase 3, choose to go ALL IN. Look to have self confidence in every aspect of your life. This is also where you’re going to see the most success in your life.
A Final Note
Self confidence is intentional. So, if you’re struggling right now, that’s okay! You’re in the right place.
Self confidence doesn’t come from circumstances. It doesn’t come from outside of you.
Self confidence is created by your thinking.
You can choose to think thoughts about yourself that create self confidence. It’s a skill you can get really good at.
Start practicing today. You won’t regret it.