It can be really challenging to be around someone who is negative a lot of the time.

And yet if it’s someone you genuinely care about and want to continue a relationship with, there are practices you can use to better navigate the relationship.

Why It’s So Hard To Be Around Someone Negative

Understanding why it’s so hard to be around someone who is negative will help you better implement the strategies below.

It’s actually not the other person’s negativity that makes it challenging for them to be around. Think about how thoughts, feelings, and actions work. No one’s “negativity” can jump out of them and into you.

So, then, what is happening when we “feel” someone’s negativity?

It’s your brain interpreting the other person as negative.

This doesn’t mean you don’t want to see them as negative. You may very well want to. And yet, noticing that it’s your brain’s interpretation of their actions gives you so much more power than you might otherwise think.

I like to notice for myself that what’s actually hard is for me to be with my brain when I’m around someone who is negative.

From this place of feeling emotional responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings, I can approach the relationship feeling empowered.

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What Makes Someone Negative

Simply put, negativity comes from the survival part of our brain that’s always “scanning for danger” to ensure you’re safe and secure. Every healthy human has this function.

The difference in some people is that they overuse this function for one reason or another. The result is that they overfocus on the negative in life. This makes them have negative thoughts, negative feelings, and negative actions.

5 Ways To Cope With A Negative Person

If you find yourself around a negative person, here are five strategies to help you navigate the relationship.

1. Set boundaries

Setting a boundary is something you do for you. It’s a way for you to choose who you want to be and who you want to be around. If someone is behaving in a way you don’t like, you can set a boundary to leave the situation. It’s that when someone does ABC, you do XYZ.

For example, if your husband swears at you, you may set a boundary that whenever he swears, you leave. Another example with negativity is that whenever your sister-in-law is negative, you decide to change the subject or end the conversation.

Setting a boundary can be done from any emotion. I suggest getting as close to feeling love as possible. When you set a boundary from hate or anger, that’s what you’re bringing to the relationship, which isn’t helpful for you.

Sometimes you may inform the other person of your boundary, but it’s not required. It may be something you choose to do just for you, without needing to tell the other person.

The biggest mistake I see with boundary setting is trying to control the other person’s behavior. That is not the goal with boundaries. The boundary is for you, not them.

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2. Validate their feelings

Negative thoughts create negative feelings, so when someone is saying something negative it’s coming from a negative emotion and thought driving the words. Feeling negative doesn’t feel so good, so validating someone’s feelings is actually a really powerful way to connect with them.

Validating someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with what they’re saying or even understand it. You’re validating the feeling, which is always something we as humans understand.

For example, let’s say your friend who tends on the negative side calls you and starts talking about how frustrated she is about work. Notice how she’s feeling (frustrated in this case) and validate that feeling. You can certainly relate to the feeling of frustration as a human being (we all can). You might say, “gosh I believe this has to be so frustrating for you, tell me more.”

Validation is “I believe you, tell me more.” It’s seeing the person’s experience and feelings as real and legitimate. This is an incredibly powerful skill that increases connection if you get good at it.

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3. Don’t mirror their negativity

As humans, by default, we mirror other people’s feelings. This means we “take them on” as our own.

For example, your toddler has a tantrum, so you get really upset. You’re upset about them being upset. Or your significant other comes home mad, and you get mad they’re mad.

Or in the case of someone who is having negative thoughts, feelings, and actions, you mirror them by being really negative about their negativity.

While this is a normal function all humans have, with a little bit of awareness you can change it. You don’t have to mirror someone else. You can choose on purpose how you want to show up.

Think of that negative person in your life. How do you want to think, feel, and act around them when they’re being negative? You may not want to be super happy but you also don’t have to be negative. There are an infinite number of ways you could show up.

Start with deciding how you want to feel, then create the thought that generates that specific feeling, and then decide how you want to act from that thought and feeling.

It will take some practice to show up intentionally, but it’s well worth it, particularly if this is someone you want to keep in your life.

CLICK HERE to download the podcast directory (and get the best mindset podcast episodes to listen to.)

4. See where they’re coming from (have compassion)

When it comes to a particular negative person in your life, think about what it’s like to be them. What is going on in their mind? What’s going on in their body? What life experiences have they had?

When we can start to understand this is all just “brain stuff” that makes someone act how they do, we can have much more compassion for them (even if we still limit our time with them).

5. Precoach yourself before going around that person

Before you’re around someone who is difficult for you to be around, do what I call “pre-coaching.” This is where you write down how you want to think, feel, and act, given how the other person is likely to behave. The key to this working well is to not try to change the other person or think they’ll be any different than they always are.

This is something that you can learn more about inside Grow You, my coaching community where we take all this work to the next level.

A Final Note

While it can be challenging to navigate relationships with people who are stuck in a negative mindset and feeling negative about their lives, it can also be an invitation to see it as your “work” to find ways to love them. Sometimes our most challenging relationships are our greatest teachers.