Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated consistently over time – add up to the difference between failure and success. – Jeff Olson

The human brain is wired for survival, not for happiness. This means it prioritizes being efficient over being intentional.

Once it learns something and does it over and over, it doesn’t take any energy to do it. It becomes a routine.

This is why it’s important to stop and think about whether your habits are helpful or not. Is what you’re doing every day helping you become the mom you want to be? Or are their habits that are holding you back from the mom you are made to be?

In this post, I discuss 11 habits that you need to stop if you find yourself doing them because they will negatively impact you.

1. Stop listening to negative input

Your brain is wired to look out for what’s dangerous.

This means any time something negative is on the news, your brain is drawn to it.

To combat this, listen to positive input.

A great way to start this right now is to listen to my podcast: The Mom On Purpose Podcast With Natalie Bacon.

You can subscribe and listen to a new episode every Wednesday on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

2. Stop glorifying busy

If busy is your drug of choice then relaxing will feel stressful. I know that modern motherhood was designed to make you feel like you *have* to be busy. But do you really want to be busy for years—decades—to come? If the answer is no, then I think it’s worth questioning “busy” and that starts with reducing the glorification of it.

Busy has become almost a badge of honor in motherhood. But since it doesn’t get the results you want, it’s worth it to stop connecting with others over being so busy. You can decide you’re going to plan different, say no more, and little by little break up with busy.

3. Stop worrying

Worrying seems really useful, but the truth is that it’s not! Worrying creates a lot of fear without any actual problem solving. It feels responsible to worry, but doesn’t actually help you (or your family).

This doesn’t mean the solution is to be apathetic and not care (that would be all or nothing thinking).

Instead, the solution is to care and focus on solutions and what you can control. This is MUCH more helpful than worrying.

For example, if your child is struggling in school, it’s not useful to worry. You can show up in a loving, supportive way to get him the help he needs. Worry not required!

4. Stop talking negatively about your body

Low grade body bashing is the subtle disapproval of your body. It sounds like: “my wrinkles are awful” or “my legs are so big” or “I can’t believe I’m this weight” or “I look gross.” It’s looking in the mirror and at best feeling “fine” and at worst feeling “fat” (which, by the way, fat is not a feeling!).

This nonsense has got to stop! Be the cyclebreaker in your maternal lineage that puts an end to body bashing. Start to treat yourself with love, kindness, and acceptance.

You can actually love your body AND want to change it. You can still want to lose weight or work out or get toned. Change your body because you love it and want to take care of it, NOT because there’s something wrong with it.

This is a gift you’ll keep on giving to yourself and your kids—a positive relationship with your body.

5. Stop negative thinking

On default, your brain focuses on the negative 4:1. This means for every one negative thing, you need four equal weighted positive things to balance it out for your brain.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can train your brain to overcome this (which is how you can live a happier, more enjoyable life).

Listen to the Negative Thoughts Podcast episode to learn how to stop negative thoughts.

These free downloads will also help with negative thinking:

6. Stop keeping score in marriage

Because of the way the human brain works—specifically it’s tendency towards focusing on the negative—it’s easy to get into the habit of keeping score with your spouse. This means pointing out how your spouse isn’t doing enough and really feeling like it’s unfair. While this may be true, the way you’re probably thinking about it likely isn’t helpful towards getting the result you want.

Inside the Mom On Purpose Membership I provide a Marriage Toolkit that helps you change the way you think about your marriage so you can stop fighting with your spouse and start increasing connection (and it only takes you doing the work!).

Get started by listening to the Marriage Podcast where you’ll learn real ways to increase connection and stop fighting.

7. Stop saying “you hurt mommy’s feelings”

When you say this, you’re teaching your kids they’re responsible for making you happy. Not only is this not true, but it’s unfair to both you and your kids. Instead, shift the focus away from you and help your kids with whatever they’re struggling with.

For example, if your child hits you, don’t say, “you hurt mommy’s feelings.” You can say the act of physically hitting you hurt your arm, because that may be true. But your emotions are yours. They’re creating by what you think. They’re not created by other people. Instead of blaming your kids for your feelings, shift into curiosity, and say something like, “you must be really upset to be hitting. You can feel upset but I won’t let you hit.” This way you allow them to experience all feelings but hold firm boundaries for actions.

Listen to the Parenting Podcast next to learn about how you can show up as the mom you want to be!

8. Stop comparing yourself to other moms

Comparison in motherhood is a habit that you can 100% stop. It’s like a skill that you can practice and get really good at. Start by following people who help you become who you want to be. You can follow me on Instagram at @mom.onpurpose for tools and resource to help you become your best self.

9. Stop ignoring your anxiety.

The biggest problem with anxiety isn’t the anxiety—it’s the way anxiety is depicted.

(Important note—I’m not referring to Generalized Anxiety Disorder or any other diagnosable mental illness. I’m talking about anxiety, as the feeling that all healthy humans experience. Okay, end note.)

Anxiety is a feeling you experience in your body. Normalize that! Then name it. Say, “this is anxiety” and “I’m feeling anxious” and “nothing has gone wrong; I am okay.” Normalizing anxiety helps you process it without resisting it (and making it worse).

This Anxiety Podcast will help you understand how to manage anxiety. Listen here: Anxiety Podcast.

10. Stop identifying as an overwhelmed mom

Your overwhelm is valid. Your feelings are valid. But that’s not who you are. You are not an “overwhelmed mom.” You are a mom who feels overwhelmed. The difference is everything.

Start separating out your identity from your feelings. Add in that you “feel” a certain way instead of making it who you are. For example, say, “I feel angry” instead of “I’m an angry mom.”

Changing your identity on purpose will help you become the mom you want to be.

Follow along on Instagram @mom.onpurpose for more content like this!

11. Stop thinking you’re failing as a mom

You’re not failing, mama! There’s no winning. There’s no losing. There’s no succeeding. There’s no failing. It’s not a test, nor a competition. It’s a journey. A journey of growth for you and for your kids.

The biggest problem I see with my clients is defining their “success” as a mom based on: 1) their kids’ behavior, 2) what other moms do, and 3) their home. None of these are good standards to base your success on! You can’t control your kids. Focusing on what other moms do will leave you feeling like you’re not enough. Your home will never be “complete” and often will be undone.

You are a really great mom. You’re also a human mom. Give yourself grace. Practice loving yourself by dropping the narrative that you’re failing. You’re not failing! There’s no such thing.

A Final Note

To become the mom you want to be stop engaging in the habits above. You’ll be better equipped to navigate challenges and live your best life.

NEXT: Download the 20 Tools To Become The Mom You Want To Be Guide.